holly23
25-09-10, 07:48
hi there. i have not been on here in a while. my anxiety has pretty much gone. but something has happened that i fear will bring it back. my boyfriend lost his dad to cancer few months ago and has been on a down fall ever since. doing drugs and now i find out he cheated on me on holiday bout 3 weeks ago. twice. i cant stand how much it hurts! its been building up over the last week. hes been out every night. and i havent trusted him in a while anyway so i basically havent slept all week. im like a zombie but coping really well so far. every boyfriend ive had has cheated and i wouldnt say im un attractive and im defo not a nasty person but i feel ive brought it on myself or im been punished. i struggle to find happy memories as it is!
i just cant get used to the idea of not been with him, it been over 2 years and i dont know if i can do this again.....feel like this!
i hate myself right now and fear ive done all the wrong things but deep down i know ive been a good girlfriend. im not needy or anything we do long distance and he still doesnt want me. how can i not feel like this??
he coming down to see me today because i know i would not cope just ending it on the phone. i cant stop shaking, and im shivery. prob cause im so tired, im just so scared this will bring me down. and because i feel deep down i knew something was up i know think...oo am i telapathic!!.lol..if so does that mean my fear of dying etc will be correct. sounds crazy i know. and cause i am not panicing i worry i may have already lost my mind and am going crazy. its scary. if i didnt have anxiety this would not have happened. i worry its my fault having been so ill last few months. ...
can anyone offer any woords of advice etc. i feel so alone right now and cant stop sobbing. xx
i just cant get used to the idea of not been with him, it been over 2 years and i dont know if i can do this again.....feel like this!
i hate myself right now and fear ive done all the wrong things but deep down i know ive been a good girlfriend. im not needy or anything we do long distance and he still doesnt want me. how can i not feel like this??
he coming down to see me today because i know i would not cope just ending it on the phone. i cant stop shaking, and im shivery. prob cause im so tired, im just so scared this will bring me down. and because i feel deep down i knew something was up i know think...oo am i telapathic!!.lol..if so does that mean my fear of dying etc will be correct. sounds crazy i know. and cause i am not panicing i worry i may have already lost my mind and am going crazy. its scary. if i didnt have anxiety this would not have happened. i worry its my fault having been so ill last few months. ...
can anyone offer any woords of advice etc. i feel so alone right now and cant stop sobbing. xx