View Full Version : Having a mare....Help
Hi there,
Just wanted a rant really.Im really struggling now!!
Last week I ran out of a lecture at university with my first panic attack in months.Sunday I got ready for work(bank nursing),had my usual anticipatory anxiety bad tummy etc,but got there,only to run off with yet another attack!!I told my manager the truth and she was great very understanding.Then today,I couldnt face going back to uni in case it all happened again,and I feel like a total prat for last week.My hubby is away on business today too which is why I havent gone.Just spoke to my tutor who was also great,and I have said I will try and make my next lecture a week Tuesday.
I feel so stupid though!!I have done so well up to now,but I feel such overwhelming dread about everything.And I know avoiding things just makes it worse,but I cant seem to help it.I am trying to relax and exercise,as that has helped me before,but I know when it comes to going back to work or uni Im going to be in a real state again.Anyone got any tips??
Sorry bout the ranting.Just so fed up!!
Juliet,
I will be the 1st to say don't avoid things but it is extremely difficult - i'm forever saying avoid avoidance but still do it myself!!
I'm so glad you have the support of those around you it does make all the difference. Don't beat yourself up about this as it is a small glitch in then recovery progress
I will say if u get bad panic in a class again do try and stick it out - give yurself another 5 minutes and see how u go.
Have u tried changes in diet/cutting out caffeine etc?
I know this is probably not alot of use as I am telling u things you already know but really believe me you are doing great!!
Take Care
lucky
Juliet - you've done 3+ steps forwards recently, this is your one back . It works like this. This too will pass and you'll be onwards and upwards again soon.
Take stock- do your diet, exercise and relaxation and write in your journal all about it and have a good cry if you feel the need. Its just so overwhelming sometimes. Even well into me being fine I would have days when I 'thought' I wa snever going to make it and was slipping back. It never really happened in reality-it was a just a bad few hours -
Then big breaths and JFDI it. Try using a mantra to help you.
Recognise that you will have anticipatory anxiety - but that is all it is and cannot harm you !!
You just need one success again and you'll be steaming onwards once more.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Juliet,
Don`t beat yourself up over this lil glitch. It will pass.
We all go through a set back or several set backs on our way to recovery.
No biggie really. I know it seems endless at the moment, but trust in yourserlf you have gotten through this before and you will this time.
You are doing great, you really are. Just to have the stregnth to get on here and express yourself and your feelings through all of this is a grand accomplishment.
Like Meg posted, take stock. Do what you need to do for you. Things will start coming together you will see :).
Keep ya chin up dear, things can only get better from here.
Keep us posted to let us know how you are getting on with things, good or bad.
Take care,
Diana xxxxx
nomorepanic
02-03-04, 20:12
Juliet
When things seem to be going backwards we all get angry, stressed, fed up, anxious, panicky etc.
It is hard to keep having positives all the time isn't it?
You are doing great ok - just remind yourself that you are and don't forget those feelings ok?
Let us know how you feel now?
Nicola
Thankyou so much everyone,the support is so much appreciated!!!
Im feeling a bit better now...calmer,and a bit smilier too.
It helps to be reassured that this is just a minor setback,as I was really afraid that I was going to end up as I did before,which was really bad!
Going to try and forget about it now for a bit,take all your advise on board and hope that my tutor etc dont think I am a raving lunatic!
Hope you are all good??!!
Speak soon T xx
Juliet,
I am glad that you are feeling a bit better now.
Smilier is always a good sign too :)................
You will not end up back where you were before. You are doing grand.
We are all here for you, so whenever you need a little boost or reassurance. Just pop on here and we will be happy to ablige :).......
Take care,
Diana xxxx
lilac kitten
04-03-04, 12:51
Juliet,
The one positive thing you have done is admit and communicate your problem with those around you - thats a really good thing - well done.
I'm afraid I can't offer many words of wisdom at the moment as I'm having a few steps back. I finally went back to the doctor this week, after doing so well last week, and got given Citalopram and Diazapam, but I read the list of side effects on the Citalopram and thought 'and these are supposed to help me?'. Havn't taken the Diazapam either, but only because I want to try and get through this.
I had a major wobbler at work this morning, I was sat at my desk and felt like I was on a boat again and had a knotty tummy, I paniced so much I went out (home) for half an hour to calm down and just sat down and cried. I got back to work and have been a little on edge but OK.
Its comforting to know we're not alone. There's so much good advice in the other posts and I can't really add to them, in fact I'm taking note of all the advice myself.
I do have some problems with my partner and am a little run down after my father died a few weeks ago, and also very hormonal, I'm not sleeping very well either. I just wish I could relax. I think this lunchtime instead of going home and emptying the dishwasher and cleaning up, I'm going to lay on the sofa with a cuppa and watch Good Food Live and chill out.
Anyway, I seem to have hijacked your post. Please let us know how you're getting on so far this week and if you feel any better today.
take care,
Ruth
Ruth
As Meg pointed out in a post earlier this week, the side effects listed are everything that anybody who has trialled the medication may have suffered at some point. It is a legal requirement.
Try and keep an open mind.
At the end of the day the box says MAY cause - no YOU WILL GET!
Iwas very dubious before I started my prozac, but managed a whole month of medication and haven't had a single side effect.
If medication was that bad, then doctors wouldn't prescribe it!
Try it with an open mind - it might be just the thing for you.
You mentioned that your dad died a few weeks ago! Don't be so hard on yourself woman. When my dad died, it took my mum a whole year to get her head together, and during that time, I was looking after her and my granny. Once they were back on their feet, I lost it!
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Ruth,
Sorry to hear you are having a rough go at it right now.
With all that is going on in your life right now there is no wonder the feelings you are having.
Try if you can to really relax, it sounds like that would do you some good right now.
The dishes will be there tomorrow :)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think as women it is very hard for us to remember "US". We are so used to taking care of everybody else we kind of forget we need taking care of too. Usually that means if we do not make time for us no one else is :)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So dear leave the dishwasher for today. Get some good ol relaxation in just for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take a nice "LONG" hot/warm bath, with candles, maybe a book and a little of whatever it is you like to sip on to relax you.
C`mon you deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D
Remember that you are not super woman, you just lost your dad and you are having problems with you partner. That is enough to make even a person who does`nt suffer this disorder be off a bit.
Don`t beat yourself up dear. Try to take it easy "AND RELAX, RELAX, RELAX"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like Charlie mentioned in her post, try to keep an open mind about the meds. Instead of thinking about what they may or may not do. Try concentrating on the fact that they may actually HELP :).
I hope you are feeling better soon.
and Charlie................... Is`nt that the way it always is.
We take care of everyone else and get them to their feet. Then we feel we have time to do our own grieving. Which in my case seems to be spent alone.
I hope you had support when you finally had time to "LOSE IT"!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
Take care of yourselves all, and I hope everyone is having an anxiety/ panic free day.
Diana xxxxxx :-D
lilac kitten
04-03-04, 20:55
Thanks Diana/Charlie for your replies. You are right I need to chill and start the medication.
Actually to be honest, I have always suffered from PMS and now have a home pc and have been doing some looky uppy on PMS. My doctor is aware of the situation, but I think he thinks give her the pill non stop and that'll stop the migranes and the PMS. WRONG! And to boot I had that colposcopy last week for precancerous cells, that'll affect my hormone levels I'm sure. Actually my doctor, although supportive at times, seems a little intolerant with me.
Anyway, back to the point. I'm going to start my tabs at the weekend so I can adjust by Monday if needs be any routine to taking them and have a rough idea of how they'll make me feel. I'm also going to join NAPS for PMS sufferers and see how I get on there. I'm also keeping a 'mood' diary on how I feel each day and around what time of the month it is, and when my panic/anxiety attacks occur. Then I shall go back and see the doctor and see what he says.
It does actually say on the NAPS site that PMS can cause anxiety and panic attacks, and I remember saying to my therapist a couple of years ago that my panic attacks were really really severe at the time of the month - his only advise was to avoid going out at my time of the month - like you can with two kids and a house to run and a job to do!!
My word there's lots of negative energy coming from me right now, I'm off to take your advice, kids in bed and I'm off for a lovely long hot bath and a sip or two of some red alcoholic grape juice ;)
Thanks for listening, I hope I've made some sense with what I've written. And if I'm right I wonder if other women suffer the same and just dont realise the connection?
Have a lovely evening,
Ruth
x
Hi Ruth
Glad you are managing to be strong and taking some positive action!
It might be worth going to your health food shops and asking about medication.
A friend of mine doses herself up with Black Coshosh (I think thats how you spell it), Oil of Evening Primrose and our old favourite Vit B Complex.
She says it's made a new woman of her - and her hubby agrees!
I started my tablets on a Wednesday so work would take my mind of worrying whether or not I was going to become ill from taking them - so make sure you are busy, and have lots of nice fun things (or tiring, whichever works for you) to do to take your mind off it.
Good luck, and hope that you start to feel better soon
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Hiya Ruth,
Glad to hear you have taken some time out for you. The grape juice was a good additive to the bath I am sure ;). How did you come out feeling? Better I hope.
I do hope today is better for you.
Post to let us know how you get on with the meds. I`m sure you will be fine.
I know what you mean about the PMS too. I get very anxious and find it a bit harder to breathe around my time of the month.
How did your colposcopy go?
I to think that my doctor is a little intolerant with me at times. I was just in this past Tuesday and had a list of questions and concerns (about 5-6) I wanted her to go over with me, and she all but shoved me out of the office !!!!:(
The NAPS support group sounds like a good idea. Let us know how you get on with that. I like the idea about the mood diary, I think I will start one. Would be interesting to actually pin point the times of month that I "REALLY" feel like crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
Silly docs ey? Suggesting you not go out when your time of the month comes!!!!!!!!!!! What did he figure you should do, tie your kids up, let your home go to pot and take leave from work to get through your time of the month? LOL.......... :) Actually sometimes I think there should be a time of "PAID" absence (from home and work) for that time of the month, as it can sometimes seem unbearable. We wish ey? LOL............ :D
Very good information about the connection with PMS and anxiety/panic. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Take care dear,
Diana xxxxx
Hiya Charlie!!!!!!!!!!!
The supplements that you mention above, are they for relief of PMS symptoms or just anxiety/panic? Can you take any one of these with the B-Complex or do you take them all together? What about the "SUPER" B-Complex? That is what I take, is there any difference do you know from just the regular B-Complex vitamins?
Thanks for all of the info.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
Diana xxxx
Hi Diana
My friend isn't on the pill, so she gets "proper" periods, accompanied by "proper" full on PMS (or should that be preceeded)
She takes all these three things together, and swears by the combination to keep her PMS minimised (she still suffers, but not as bad), control her mood swings, and generally help her cope with being a girl!!!
I'm not sure about the difference between B and Super B. The tabs I'm on at the minute are Super B. Basically I think that it might be to do with the dosage. I threw the old tub away, and started on the new ones, before I realised that they were slightly different. My mum got me my new supply from the health food shop, which is why I hadn't paid too much attention previously.
I think the super ones are super strength - i.e. above the RDA.
I'm sure Meg can clarify this for us!
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Ruth,
Tried to post you yesterday,but wouldnt work.Hope you are feeling a little better!!??
I was on citalopram for a while and it was very good.Like you I was reluctant to take them at first cause the pack said anxiety could be increased initially,but I was fine.If you suffer any ill effects go back to your GP.
You have so many balls in the air at the moment it is no wonder you feel a bit shaky!!The fact that you are still managing to work at all is really amazing and very brave considering what is going on around you!
Have you made your employers aware that you are struggling a bit?they may be able to help you?
The only other thing i can say is try to take some time out each day just to chill.Whether it is Good food live on Tv or a 20 min soak in the bath.It will all help you to chill a little bit and regain some perspective.
Im doing ok.Havent done much really though,so diffficult to say what i will be like when it comes time to go to uni or work.Just have to keep trying i guess.It really is exhasting though,but we will all get there.The fact that we all continue to live our lives with these afflictions just goes to show what inner strength we all have!!Take care and let us know how you go T xx
Juliet
You sound a bit brighter! Hope you are feeling a bit better.
You are right - life has scared the c**p out of me for the last three years - but I still keep going onwards! The worst was when I had to keep taking my gran to hospital. At one point I only managed it cos I knew that at least if I freaked I was in the right place to be treated !!!!! Ha Ha Ha LOL
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Juliet,
Good to hear you are doing well :).
Not to worry about Uni or work, I know you will be fine. Like you said "INNER STRENGTH, WE ALL HAVE".
Do try to take some of your own advice dear and relax. Everything will "FALL" into place.
Good luck with work and Uni. Post to let us know how you get on.
Take care,
Diana xxxx
Thanks Charlie..... for the info. I have made a note of the supplements. I am going to pick them up today. Try them whilst I am Pre-Menstrual!! LOL............... ;).
I can relate to what you were saying about taking care of your gran, I too did those things for my gran before she passed away in 2000. The bathing, clipping the nails, fixing her hair etc. I truly gained a great respect for the elderly by doing those things and I was happy that I could do something for her for a change as she had done soooo much for me :).
I know this may sound kind of wierd to some, but when she passed on, a (female) friend of the family and I went to do her hair, make up and I painted her nails for her before she was laid out. She actually looked more peaceful and rested than I had seen her look in years :(
She looked absolutely beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :).
Being there and helping with the preparation for her last viewing, put my mind and heart at such ease.
I know this is "WAY" off the subject. I just thought I`d share since reading your post about taking care of your gran struck a heart note with me [:I].
Sorry I got off track!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [8)]
I will wait for Meg to post about the "SUPER" B Vitamins.
Take care,
Diana xxxx
Hi Diana
My gran was due to go into hospital for tests on Monday 21st March, last year. It was the first hospital appointment that I didn't take her to, but she only had to go in about 5 to be settled for the night, so they could drain the fluid off her abdomen and conduct tests the next day. I spent the Sunday with her, packing her case, washing her hair, giving her a bath and giving her a manicure and a pedicure.
I left work early, had some tea and tore down to the hospital. My mum and Jean were there, and they were sitting on her bed whilst she was being examined on the bed next door.
"Thats my eldest grand-daughter just arrived - I don't know what I'd do without her you know, I knew she wouldn't be far behind me" I heard her say through the curtain
"Hey up Fossil" I shouted back
"Oh doctor - can you hear what she just called me? I've never been so embarassed. I'll give it her in a minute"
Then I heard the nurse say "Lily" and I just knew that she was in trouble. I took off out of that ward as fast as I could, crying, even though the docs hadn't said anything. My mum came after me, and tried to hold me, but I just wanted to be on my own. The nurse came and took us to the family room. They worked on her for an hour. It was the longest hour of my entire life. The nurse was lovely, and stopped after her shift had finished to be with us. I don't think I've ever had so much tea in my entire life.
The doctor then came in and explained that although they had recusitated her, it was likely that she would run into further problems, and may not see out the night.
We then had to go and ask gran if she wanted reviving again if it happened again.
I sat with her for a bit, and got her undressed, and into bed. Then I left and went and sat with my horse in his stable.
I didn't go to work the next day, and went to hospital at lunchtime.
I spent the day with gran - from lunchtime till ten o'clock. I got her ready for bed, gave her her lunch and tea, and got her a drink. I read the paper with her and did the cross word. She was getting bed sores, from sitting on the sofa at home for so long, so I bathed them, and then helped the nurse rig her up with one of those inflatable air matress things.
We watched Eastenders and after Life of Grime, she sent me home, cos she was tired.
That was the last time I saw her. I didn't want to leave her, and I never told her how much I loved her, and appreciated her.
The next day, we couldn't go down in the morning cos that was when she was having the fluid drained. I went to work cos I couldn't face waiting at home. At 12 my phone rang. I didn't even need to answer it. It was my mum. I was that upset that I couldn't cry. In the end, I went to her flat that night, and picked up some precious things, and finally the tears came. I was on my own, and turned up on my best friends doorstep at 9.30. Mark just took one look, lifted me up over the doorstep and gave me a massive hug. He didn't even need to ask what had happened.
I know that this hasn't got anything to do with the original post, but Diana, you've bought it all back (in a nice way) I've never really cried properly - I couldn't even face her funeral, and I'm sitting her having a fu**ing good cry.
And I feel so much BETTER now!
So thank you for upsetting me - it's worked wonders!
Love
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
nomorepanic
07-03-04, 18:41
Charlie - That was a lovely story - made me cry too!! Must have been hard for you but you did some wonderful things to help her and she will never forget them will she? I bet you were very special to her.
I lost my nan years ago and it was a real shame because I was moving to Sheffield at the time and she lived in Halifax so she would have been really close and I could have visited her often.
She died alone suddenly of a heart attack so I never got to see her more as I hadn't moved to Sheffield before she died. She always wanted a tea's maid and me and my sis said we would buy here one when we saved some money - we never got to do that either.
I have since lost my dad (10 years now) and Alex's dad died 18 months ago of cancer - that was very sad to see cos he went from being well to dead in 6 months. He was laid up in bed in the end in a hospice and couldn't eat, move, sleep or see. I never want to watch someone die of cancer again!
So I feel for you cos you were so very close. Alex was a bit like you in that he never really cried at the time and then one day out of the blue he just burst into tears saying "I realy miss my dad". It was so good to see in a way cos I was worried that he was bottling it up.
Grief is a strange thing isn't it.
Diana - I am glad that you found some peace in doing what you did too. Anything that helps has to be worth it doesn't it?
What a sad subject eh? But one that I think you both needed to express, so thanks for that.
xx
Nicola
Your right Nic
My dad died 4 1/2 years ago, and I still haven't cried properly for him.
In the space of 6 short weeks, he'd been diagnosed with cancer, got ill and spent 5 long days in the local Macmillan Unit on a syringe driver.
Watching him die was one of the hardest things I've ever done. In the end, I couldn't face being with everybody else, so I used to visit on my own later on at night.
Cancer is probably the most horrible way to die, and I would never wish it on my worst enemy.
I think one of the most infuriating things ever is the amount of money we spend on needless things - going into space to see if there may at some point have been life on Mars. And that will benefit civilisation how exactly?
Yet we can't cure cancer, and we still have "third world" countries, not to mention the poverty on our own doorstep.
Humankind is very strange.
Anyway, I felt a lot better after my snotty bawl, and by ten my eyes had stopped being swollen and puffy, and I went to meet the girls up town.
They had picked up eight blokes (a friends nephew and his mates from another city), and we ended up showing them round town, and going back for a party. So in the end, it did me the power of good.
Thanks for your lovely comment Nic - it's nice to know somebody else knows what I mean. I hope Alex is "getting his head" around things now too.
Love
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Hiya Charlie and Nic,
A very sad topic indeed, But I appreciate the sharing of the sad stories. Let`s us all know we are not alone in our sadness. Everyone has a story :(.
Charlie your relationship with your gran sounds soooo much like mine with my gran :).
I also balled my eyes out reading your story Charlie, because I could so relate to the emotions you were feeling. I did not mean to bring up sadness, I really did`nt. I was just so inspired by your post about your gran, that I felt like sharing too.
Nic, I hope Alex is able to sort his feelings out and everything goes well for him.
Grief is very strange, and funny how it can bring people almost worlds apart together ey?
I am glad that we all feel free and open enough here to express these emotions, feelings and stories with one another.
It has done me a world of good to talk about these experiences with friends (you all), and if I have opened any old wounds or pain for anyone I am sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charlie, I know your gran knew you loved her and appreciated her. Sometimes we need not "SAY" the words, because our actions speak loads. Your actions were proof to your gran you loved her and appreciated her. You need not feel bad for that.
I am glad Charlie that you had someone to go to when you needed the support. I know how hard it must have been for you, but hey we all survived our heart wrenching experiences and I know I feel like a better person for having been able to know and love the person I called "GRANDMA" for the time she was here. Though I still miss her like mad. I know having her for my grandma was one of the best things that has happened in my lifetime.
Okay now I am balling again!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(
Thank you both for sharing your stories. I feel such a warm bonding has taken place for me today.
Nic, I am sooo sorry for your losses as well.
It is so very hard to accept the things we can not change. Especially with death, We always feel that there was`nt enough time to do or say the things we most wanted to say or do. However I think we must take peace in knowing those we most care about and love just "KNOW/FEEL" what we feel for them. Though it is good to tell them once in awhile.
Thank you again ladies. All of this has been very moving, and for me has made quite an emotional connection from me to you :).
Thanks too for all of the kindness and support you all offer here.
Here`s hoping that you all are having an anxiety/panic free day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lot`s of Love and Thoughts, go out to you,
Diana xoxoxo [:X]
Dear Diana,
Super Vitamin B's are like Mac D super sized . Lots of everything in and you don't really need all of it . ie Overkill.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Thanks for the info. Meg.
I guess I will go back to my regular B-Complex Vitamins.
I only initially got the "SUPERS" because they were all out of my regulars. So now that I know, I really don`t need anything that resembles a MAC D`S "SUPERSIZE" anything I will go back to my regulars. LOL............:)
Thanks again!!!!!
Take care,
Diana xxxxx ;)
nomorepanic
08-03-04, 20:12
Diana/Charlie
Thanks both for your posts. What a trio we are huh?
Alex is fine and we now remember his dad as he wanted to be remembered and not how he was when he died. They were very close so it has been hard on him but he seems ok about it now.
I think it helps to talk about it and we can do that on here and can still feel each other's pain even though it is only words on the screen. We are a sensitive lot us panickers aren't we?
My mum has never really got over my nan dying (her mum) cos she was taken so suddenly with no warning and it just wasn't fair.
I have said before on here that my dad died as a result of his drinking and that was sad to see too, as he chose to live his life the way he did. Doesn't make it any better though does it?
Anyway, thanks for all your lovely words and for sharing that with us.
Can we all stop crying now :(- lol
Nicola
Nic,
We are quite a trio indeed :).
Glad that Alex is doing better now.
Ultimately I think it is our goal to remember our loved ones as they "wanted to be remembered" and not the way they were when they left us. So I think Alex is well ahead of the game now :-D!!!!! Good on you two.
Maybe that`s why we suffer this disorder because we are a "SENSITIVE LOT"!!!!! LOL........... :). I really don`t mind though, because it has meant finding friends like you all :-D.
I`m not sure we really ever do get over losing a parent, no matter what the circumtances are Nic, but the fact that you and your mum have been able to move forward with life is a real accomplishment. As I know initially the pain is such that we feel that we could never possibly move on from that day and be okay ever again.
You are right too Nic, no matter what the situation that brings one to death, it is never an easy thing to watch or deal with.
I think we can all stop crying now!!!!!!!!! LOL............... :)
Now we all know we have folks all over this wonderful planet that care about us as we do them, and does`nt that make for a lighter heart?
Thanks for sharing, it`s been quite a revelation for me.
Take care all.
Lot`s Of Love,
Diana xoxoxo [:X]
P.S. I hope you all are having an anxiety/panic free day.
Diana
You are right
It's been upsetting but good to share! I really feel that you know how I feel because of having similar relationships with our grans!
I know gran knows I love her. She once said she knew I was the only that was really bothered about her! And actions speak louder than words. It's just that I feel like I should have said something that night in hospital. I don't know why. Sometimes with my gran we could just look at each other and know what we were thinking. I remember when she had just been diagnosed. She knew she was going to die soon. But she never said anything. I went up on Saturday morning to do her shopping and we were nattering about something and I just asked her if she wanted a run up town with me (in the car obviously). She said she wasn't feeling that well. And she looked me straight in the eye, and I knew then that she knew that she hadn't got long left. I dashed to the loo, and had a good cry, cos I never ever got upset infront of her - I always made her laugh and kept her smiling.
Now I'm about to cry again, but it is so good to share with you and Nic, cos I know Nic has been through it to - twice really with her dad and poor Alex's dad!
You are so right Diana about senstive people being more likely to suffer. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, I'm always worrying if everybody else is alright. Thats why I try and tell everybody to find "me" time - I know I don't do it, but I should
I have just noticed that my Vit B complex are "Mega". I wonder if that is the same as super - or maybe even stronger!!!!!!!
Thanks for sharing you two - I try not to be miserable, but sometimes you NEED to share and have a bloody good blub.
I feel happier now, and most of the time my memories are of stupid things me and my gran did, or laughs we had together, not going to the hospital.
Many thanks
Lots of love x
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Heya Charlie,
I agree, "Sometimes We Just Need A Bloody Good Blub"!!!!!! Here recently though they have been more often, but I always feel good after a good one so no harm done there ey?
It`s just so amazing to me that 2 people from 2 different places on the map could share such a similar experience with their grans. I mean listening to your story with your gran is exactly what I shared with my gran. Exactly the same everything. Just amazing!!!!!!!!!!
Charlie, you need to start taking some "ME" time for yourself. It is so important. You are always so kind and give so much of yourself even on here that I can imagine how you are at home.
I am so glad that we were able to share our experiences, I too feel alot better knowing that there are others that share my feelings :).
I too cried reading this post of yours. What is wrong with us????? LOL................ :) I can honestly say the relationship I had with my gran more than made up for the relationship I did`nt have and do not have with my mum.
My gran was always there for me no matter what. So that is a good thing. Now I don`t have her here with me, you all have filled that void, and still allow me to remember my gran, the good and sad times :)...........
You know I was out of the country with my husband and children visiting my husbands family on holiday, when my dad called over seas to let me know that the docs had asked the family (my dad and his wife) to decide rather to inject my gran with morphine or something or another and just let her drift off to sleep and not wake up again. He called and asked what I thought he should do, I was speachless, I told him that I did not want to be selfish and leave her there to suffer till I got home to see her before she passed on, but I did`nt know what to do. We could`nt get an early flight out of the country, I felt stuck. That was the worst holiday of my life, as I knew she was`nt feeling well before I had left for the trip, I was very undecided as to what to do before I left, but my dad said she would probably be okay, so I went.
She had frequently had bouts of being in the hospital or just not feeling well due to her condition "Emphysema" (check spelling), I certainly did not expect this time to be her last and worst go at it. She just was`nt seeming to get any better, and I kept in touch daily with my dad to know what was going on.
She went from bad to worst to okay again in the 2 weeks I was out of the country. I spoke with her on the phone when she could speak from her hospital bed, and she sounded perfectly fine when I was able to speak to her. However at the same time I could hear the urgency in her voice when she asked when I would be back home. I told her when I would be back, and everyday after that I waited for the dreaded call from my dad till I could get back home.
Even the nurses I spoke to daily when checking to see how my gran was doing, would ask me when are ya gonna come home your gran is anxiously awaiting your return. I kept reassuring them I would be there on the day I said I would be there. We tried to get an early flight out of the country but could not, so everyday I waited and cried for fear I would not make it back in time.
So finally the day approached that we were to leave Central America to get back to the states, I was up at 3 am getting ready, I just wanted to get to the hospital to be with my gran. That was all I could think of.
We left Central America on our way back to the states, and let me just say that I was not prepared for what I would find in my grans CCU room. I went straight from the airport to the hospital, and my dad and his wife and my uncle were all there looking somber as anything.
I walked into the room to see my gran and her face was all puffy, she had a very tight oxygen mask on her face and bed sores all over her body, she was swollen from head to toe, and she did not look as though she had anytime left at all.
I obviously lost it and ran out of the room to collect myself. I was terrified that she would not come out of it t
It is soo often the case that people 'hang on' to see whom they want to and then choose their time .
One of my closest friends Dad had been given - will not last the day- , he wanted wine and trifle - so there they were siting on ITU beds with wine and trifle and the next day and the next. Finally they moved him to a side ward room and still this chap hung in there with his children round him constantly .
A week later he said to my friend that he was fed up now and what was keeping his wife - their mother who had died a few years earlier but he had wanted a few more days with them all but he was now ready . They caught him also looking up to the corner of the room and he cracked a few jokes about how she was always late - then a few hours later he sent them all away except my friend and said that Mum had arrived and it was time for him to leave. A few words of advice and that was it - he went - his decision and his time and with the person he chose.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Now I'm blubbing too, that was such a touching story Meg. Good job I hav my back to everyone else in the office.
Julie
Hi Diana and Meg
They are lovely stories, BUT I am crying again, and like Julie at work!!!!!!!!!
Can we please leave this train of thought for a bit - it's been good to share, but sometimes I think you can cry too much!
Diana, that must have been so horrible for you. I would have hated not to have been there and out of the country when my gran was ill. How desperate you must have felt you poor thing.
Meg I think you are right about people waiting. They rushed my dad into hospital when I was in Malvern (not a million miles away I know, but we had three horses, a horses box and four days worth of camping stuff to sort!!!!!
Although he was on a syringe driver, he managed to stay conscious till I arrived. Then he "fell asleep" holding my hand, and never regained consiousness till he died on Friday.
I'm stopping NOW cos I'm going to cry again!
But thanks to everybody who has listened to my tales of woe, and who has shared their experiences with me!
Much love
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Heya Charlie and Meg,
Okay that`s it!!!!!!!!! I am going to put super glue in my cry ducts. LOL.............. :-D
What lovely stories. Thank you both so much for sharing your most intimate sad stories.
They are very lovely indeed, but how in the heck did we go from "HAVING A MARE" as our topic to this cry fest??????? LOL........... :)
I must say that my gran holding on till I got back home to see her was the ultimate showing of love for me. I will never forget that, NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you all for bearing with me and my long posts about my sad experiences and for sharing yours too.
It has been quite healing to share with you all.
Thank you, thank you, thank you a million times!!!!!!!!!!!!
Take care all,
Lot`s of Love and Hugs sent your way,
Love Diana xoxoxo
Diana
Actually I was just thinking that.
And we've also gone from Chinese Medicine to Return of the Prodigal Daughter!!!
Ooops - I suppose it's that whole women going of at tangents and able to multi task thing again!
You take care
Lots of love
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Charlie,
You are so right!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
Thanks for the post, that put a right big smile on my face this morning :-D.
You say the funniest things :).
Does`nt it seem that those who have been hurt the most have the lightest of hearts and still find the humor in life?
I`ve been told I am quite the clown myself, always carrying on and laughing, as we all know is supposed to be the best medicine. So I indulge as much as possible. LOL........... :)
I do hope you are feeling a bit better today.
Take care dear,
Love Diana xoxoxo
nomorepanic
12-03-04, 22:07
Ok no more sad stories for now guys! we all cry too much.
I think it helped us all to let it out though.
Funny thing is that we all seem to tell people stuff here that we don't tell anyone else - that is a special closeness isn't it?
Thanks all of you for sharing
xx
Nicola
Hiya Nic,
You are so right!!!!!!!!!!!
I don`t believe I have shared so much of that experience (with my gran) and the issues with my daughter, even with my closest of family members.
So now you all know how very "SPECIAL" you all are to me :).
Thank you all for listening, sharing and not being judgemental...
Take care
Lot`s of Love,
Diana xoxoxo
I hope you all are having an anxiety/panic free day.
nomorepanic
13-03-04, 19:23
Diana
We chose you as a moderator for the site because you care so much and that is a very special quality.
It is nice to come on here and tell all and no-one ever needs to meet you in real life and I doubt very much that we go away from here and "tell tales" or gossip about people so that is good!
It works on here so let's keep it that way.:D:)[:p]
xx
Nicola
Nic,
It is very good to come on here and be able to spew out all of the things we want to express and not have the pressure of expectations and conduct put upon us.
It is a very freeing feeling to be able to do that here, and know that we will receive lot`s of support and understanding, even if it is from sitting in front of our computer screens :).
I truly do "FEEL" the love that comes to me through my computer screen, from you all!!!!!!!!!!!! :).
You are right, it does work here and I for one will continue to bring it here, and keep it here. :)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for this forum and all of the love that comes through this forum to each and every one of us........
Take care,
Love, Diana xoxoxo
nomorepanic
13-03-04, 21:14
Diana
Thanks for a lovely post and I wish you all the best of health and happiness.
You are a star!
Nicola
Aw thanks Nic............... :).
Lot`s of Love,
Diana xxxxx
Diana
I think it's all do do with my take on life. Basically it's c**p, shi*e happens, and nothing ever goes right for me. So I either give up and take it, or laugh at lifes misfortunes and fight back!!!
You are right though - you lot on here DO know more about me than my closest friends and families.
It's good to have a sounding board where we can talk and share and not be judged.
Also, I really feel a link with lots of people on here who have shared similar experiences (like Diana, Nic and Meg) with my gran, and just generally a take on life (partiuclarly with Lucky)
The only down side is that we all live so far apart. But would it work if we were neighbours?????????
Love Charlie x
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Charlie,
You may be right, if we were in fact neighbors we may not be so "OPEN" to tell the things we tell on here.
I too feel such a bond with you all, such a loving bond with you all!!!!! :). If it means only being able to share on my PC screen, then so be it. I would`nt give up the closeness I feel to you all for anything. :-D
You all have really helped me work through some issues that I had`nt wanted to open the wound to.
It has all been quite freeing to share what I have shared on here with you all, and I can assure you, I am nowhere near done!!!!!!! LOL....... :)
I hope you all are doing well.
Take care,
Lot`s of Love,
Diana xxxx
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