worried i might hurt myself

[sarah_85]

i know this sounds really over dramatic, but i had a panic attack last night and have had constant anxiety today, and i keep worrying that im gonna lose control and hurt or kill myself. now, i dont feel suicidal, in no way do i want to end my life but i am so so scared that i might go mad and do something like that. i am petrified, i just wanna get out of my own head this is all just becoming too much. what is wrong with me? i am so scared, i just dont understand why this is happening to me. i have been seeing the doctor and a therapist, am on propranalol but i just seem to be getting worse. am i ever going to be back to myself again?

[debs71]

Sarah, PLEASE don't worry about this hun. It is very scary but it is just another VERY upsetting symptom of bloody anxiety.

When I had my breakdown 6 years ago I was having thoughts that I was going to end up causing harm to other people, people in my close family, and that I was going to go mad. It was terrifying, but I also had an awareness, like you, that I could no more hurt another person than fly to the moon. It is your anxious mind playing a dirty trick on you and going into overdrive. Those feelings of losing control and going mad are very common in anxiety and panic disorder. Please don't worry, you are not going crazy.xxxx

Sarah, are you only on Propanalol or are you on other meds too?

[Electric_Worry]

There's a big difference between suicidal thoughts and merely thinking about the issue of suicide. If you're not contemplating harming yourself or ending your life, then that's a good indication of your own mental strength. You have to remember that you control your actions, although I'm aware that it might not feel like it when you have an anxiety attack.

I think that being concerned about suicide is perfectly normal when it comes to something like anxiety. You are in a heightened state of worry where every little thing becomes a big concern, e.g. worrying about slight chest pain that might be an oncoming heart attack or a lump in your neck you think has to be terminal cancer. The same thing goes for intrusive thoughts; even a passing thought of suicide becomes a huge issue when before you wouldn't have given it a second thought.

It's easier said than done but try not to dwell on such thoughts. Distract yourself if you can because it will soon pass and you will wonder what you were worried about.

I am in a similar boat to you with my heightened anxiety and propranalol, as well as seeing a therapist, so I can relate.

[sarah_85]

thanks so much for that. was just a real shock, have never had any thoughts like that before, but it's good to know that it is a common symptom.
debs - yeah im only on propranalol, doctors have suggested an antidepressant but i decided to try therapy to see if that helped....although it hasnt seemed to help yet!
i imagine it's a long process. seriously, i feel like such a wimp. just having the worse few days at the moment. and i had nearly 3 weeks of feeling ok, it's so demoralising to feel like im going backwards. xx

[debs71]

Well if you're not on anything but propanalol Sarah you are doing brill.

Try if you can to give it some more time with the therapy, but please don't put yourself through agonies either and seek advice from you GP should things not change, go downhill.

It's an annoying and frustrating things is anxiety, as it sometimes feels that for every two steps forward you go, you take three back, but you will get there hun.
xxxx

[Electric_Worry]

It might sound obvious, but also remember that Samaritans is there to help. You don't have to be suicidal to use it, you can just call up and have a chat to shake those negative thoughts. It often seems to be overlooked by people unless they are in need of desperate help.

[sarah_85]

debs, ur a star. you've been such a great help to me this weekend, thank u so much hun. xx

[debs71]

It's no problem at all Sarah. Anytime, cos I know how it feels to have these horrible thoughts and worries and need to get them out in the open.

A problem shared is a problem halved! (Blimey, that's cheesy, lol!!)


xxxxxxx:hugs: