Intrusive Thoughts and Self Control

[Electric_Worry]

Oddly enough, there was a thread I read yesterday which got me thinking about this, and that's a never good thing. Simply put - and this might sound ridiculous - I have started to worry about not being able to control my actions. I know this is vague, so allow me to present an example: I am not suicidal, nor have I ever contemplated or attempted suicide, however I fear I won't be able to control any sudden urges. I believe what I am doing is linking it to anxiety attacks and how I was unable to control myself for a while during my first (and only) attack. I try to think rationally and I know there's a big difference between an anxiety attack and trying to end your life on a whim. I've joked to myself about it, like what will happen if I have a sudden urge to eat squirrel.

One of the major concerns is the fact that I also have this anxiety when it comes to electrical sockets. I fear that I will get the sudden urge to jam my fingers into a live one, so much so I've been making sure all the sockets are occupied and turned off (with exception to the ones I'm using). Now, I haven't attempted or even come close to doing it, but the fear remains and can sometimes be intense.

I'd be grateful for any advice with regards to how to deal with this situation, whether people have experienced similar with themselves or not.

Thanks

[Jaco45er]

Hi Electric

This is just pure anxiety buddy, nothing more. I used to do exactly the same, worry that my mind would take over and I would contemplate awful stuff, stuff that I would do if my mental health got so bad, and I couldn't control it or bring me to my senses.

I would freak out if I read the local paper and someone had done the unmentionable, thinking "did they start off like I feel now?"

Now the good news :) this is just another symptom of anxiety. Whereas a chest pain or headache is a physical symptom, faulty thinking is a phycological symptom of anxiety. in much the same way as "I can't go to the party, I might freak out", it's the mental (for want of a better word) symptom.

I say good news, because it is only a symptom, a thought process when ill if you like, but you will never realise those dark thoughts for they wouldn't start like this.

TC

Jaco

[sarah_85]

hey, it was my post i think that was talking about this yesterday. and you really helped me by telling me to remember, that these thoughts are exactly that, just thoughts.
i guess the only way we can beat this is to ackowledge that thoughts are not facts, and that you wont lose control, because this is another symptom of anxiety that a lot of us suffer from. having these thoughts pop into your head is a lot difference from being suicidal. i was heart broken yesterday when i experienced these feeling for the first time, because i never thought i would contemplate suicidel. and i was so relieved and happy to realise that i WASNT contemplating suidcide.these feelings are in no way you consciously comtemplating suicide and therefore will never lead you to do it. it's just another aspect of anxiety and further fear. your mind playing tricks on you, like any symptom, chest pain, dizziness and depersonalisation.
really hope ur ok, and im so sorry if i triggered this for you. xxx

[Maj]

Claire Weekes says that "thoughts can be grotesque when anxious, and the sufferer follows them through to find out their worst......just how mad can we be.........!! But never forget they are only thoughts fuelled by anxiety and a tired mind". Nothing more. Try not to be afraid of them and let them come whilst carrying on with your normal routine. When you lose your fear of them they will no longer matter and it's the not mattering that brings recovery. I have been there and you can find peace with this, don't despair! :flowers:

[sarah_85]

that's really helpful :) xx

[Electric_Worry]

Jaco45er

Thanks a lot for your reply. From the very beginning I experienced these kind of intrusive thoughts I tried to attribute it to anxiety, rather than there being something seriously wrong psychologically. My trouble is that suffering from this anxiety disorder is very new to me and so I'm still learning to ropes with how to deal with it. I also over think and over complicate the majority of aspects in life, so I make issues for myself when they needn't exist.

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sarah_85

It was your thread that got me thinking, but in no way whatsoever could (or would) I ever blame you. I am not a sheltered person and I see negativity almost daily, and yet it's not something I ever dwell on. It was bound to happen regardless, so please don't feel even in the slightest bit guilty about it.

I'm glad that my words were of some comfort and I still stand by them in relation to my own problem. It's just that sometimes you find more comfort in the words of other people rather than trust your own. It's difficult to think logically amidst a wave of anxiety. You're right though, thoughts are purely thoughts and not at all an indication that you will act out on them. I have to remember that I am yet to act out on any negative thought I may possess and realise that it is anxiety and fear causing me to experience this.

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Maj

That's exactly what I'm trying to do. I'm not changing my routine or avoiding otherwise normal situations out of fear I may do something stupid. I can't let my life be ruled by anxiety and so I am doing everything I would usually do in the hopes that it passes. I'm in the early stages of my anxiety disorder, so a lot of this is new to me. I feel I am doing pretty well thus far, but there are obviously lulls in my mood and times where my anxiety is heightened. When I feel an overwhelming sense of negativity I try my best to ride it out and to constantly remind myself that I feel so, so much better afterwards. I'm hoping this will just pass and I'll focus on something else. First it was my heart, now it's not being able to control negative urges. Hopefully I'll run out of things to worry about soon...

Thanks for your replies everyone.

[calm]

Guys.....what a blessing you all are...i have been having some awful thoughts and my best friend said exactly the same thing...he said "its just a thought"....and it cannot harm me....just acknowledge it...and say thank you but no thanks....no way!

[sarah_85]

i'll second that, this website and the people on it are a true blessing. like you said electric_worry, sometimes hearing advice from other people or hearing that other people are going through it too is more reassuring than any doctor or medication out there. thank you so much guys, i had such a terrible time this weekend and i just dont know what i would have done without some of the people on here that have got me through. xxx

[calm]

sarah...hope you had a better day xxxxx its tough all this isnt it xxxx

[Electric_Worry]

Apologizes for bringing this up again and generally being a nuisance, however I'm wondering if anybody can elaborate or offer more input with regards to controlling intrusive thoughts? The responses in this thread have been useful, so please don't assume I'm ignoring your advice or brushing it aside.

The majority of my concerns of not having self control have diminished, however the ridiculous (and embarrassing) urges of sticking my fingers into a live socket has remained. I'm not entirely sure where this has appeared from, however it's bugging me and I would love to be able to shake the thoughts. I haven't done anything, but I worry about getting a sudden rush of blood and it happening.

I'm hoping it's something that passes soon enough. It's just that in the mean time I would like techniques to deal with it. I do keep telling myself they're merely thoughts and they can't hurt me, which has helped somewhat. I have mentioned this to my therapist, too, but I won't be speaking to them again until next week.

Oddly enough, when I signed up for the site with the username 'Electric Worry', I wasn't at all concerned about the above problem. In fact, this developed only a few days ago. My username is actually a song by the band Clutch. In hindsight I should have named myself 'Fluffy Kitten Worry' or something far less intrusive.

Thanks again.

[Maj]

If you really look at it then you can see it is actually a form of self protection. There is absolutely no way that you'd stick your finger in a socket. . It's the thought that appalls you. When my mum had my brother she was passing an open window and suddenly thought "what if I were to throw him out of the window?!!" The doctor told her that this was a form of protection and that she was obviously anxious - there was no way on this earth she would do it. Try not to put too much attention on these thoughts. No matter what they are they mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Try the Claire Weekes method of "glimpsing". This was a godsend to me. Glimpsing means looking at your obsession from a simple angle. When you think of the socket thing, then just say to yourself something like "vivid imagination again.........." and carryon with your day. Do this each time and honestly, you will relax and these thoughts will gradually go. These thoughts are obsessions, usually last for days at a time, are sometimes replaced by other obsessions, but can be overcome by glimpsing, which brings eventual peace. :flowers:

[Electric_Worry]

Hi Maj, thanks a lot for your reply.

You're absolutely right about it being an obsession and it's one in which I'm embarrassed and annoyed by. I will admit to obsessing about something else a year ago, however this was over the possibility of developing a particular disease and not of something I am afraid I will do physically. Again, it's not something I am proud of.

I really do hope it's a form of protection. As I mentioned in the previous post, I haven't attempted anything yet, but it's the thought that I am capable of doing so which is giving me trouble. Perhaps your mother felt the same, like she was capable of doing so, but in actuality never would (although that may sound like a contradiction). There are times throughout the day where it doesn't bother me, and then you start to feel really low and the thoughts creep in.

I also have a lot of spare time at the moment and have little to occupy it, so I'm sure that plays a significant role. I'm currently looking for work, however my anxiety and depression stop me from doing the things I want to do in the mean time.

Thanks again for your reply. I'm hoping the thoughts subside in due course, but it's difficult to see the light when you're constantly being harassed by them.

[Maj]

You have hit it on the head - when you feel low then the thoughts come. When you feel brighter then you don't really care what you think! It's all about being relaxed and not mattering. Honestly, it is only a thought. Yes, you feel harrassed by them but they are completely unimportant. You will NEVER carry out these thoughts. It's a symptom of a tired, anxious, introspective mind - no mystery here! I think the fact that you are out of work and looking for work will be very stressful for you. Who wouldn't feel stressed? Don't beat yourself up and be too hard on yourself for feeling like you do. Obsessions are like any other symptom of anxiety and do go with time. I agree that it's like being constantly tormented, but they will go. One thing that I will ask is that are you on any medications, because certain antidepressants are excellent for obsessions. Why battle alone if you can get your strength up again whilst accepting your illness? Meds and acceptance can bring recovery, although acceptance is the key, honestly! :flowers:

[Electric_Worry]

When I have something to occupy my time then the self-destructive thoughts are at a minimum, although they're not entirely diminished. The problem is finding such activities to take my mind off them whilst I'm stuck in a rut. I do believe that being unemployed is a burden, too, both not having a job and the prospect of starting a new one whilst being unemployed for so long and having this anxiety. I'm really not trying to feel sorry for myself about this and accept defeat, but it can be tough at times.

As for medication, I've been taking 80mg slow release Propranalol for three weeks. I did go back and speak to a different doctor about the mental aspect and she prescribed me fluoxetine, even though I originally went to talk about CBT. I haven't take any as of yet, as I was a bit put off by the side-effects due to having really bad nausea with Propranalol and I was also put off by the suicidal reports. I am having weekly CBT though.

[Maj]

I feel for you from the job front. It must be so difficut being unemployed and actually wanting a job. You never know what's round he corner though. Without a doubt I think a thought disorder is definitely due to there being a lack of serotonin and I think it may be worth trying meds if you can cope with them. Sometimes reading about the side effects put people off, but I had virtually none and have friends who didn't have any either. It's just trial and error. I understand about the constantly keeping yourself occupied, but also would say that you shouldn't stress about trying to keep occupied as this will be a form of "battling" against the thoughts and they will never go whilst you do this. You've got to accept that they come because they depend on your dislike of them and when you let them come and no longer fear them then they lessen. Keeping occupied can also be going for a long walk which definitely makes you feel better afterwards, no matter if it's hail, rain or snow! There will be light at the end of the tunnel so please don't despair. :hugs:

[European]

I used to suffer intrusive thoughts as well, and I found it very, very unpleasant and disturbing! It took me a while, and a lot of soul searching, to realise that the intrusive thoughts were based on repressed emotions, namely negative emotions such as anger and frustration, which I found unacceptable.

I was brought up to be 'nice', and as such I was not entitled to feel, or, god forbid, express, negative emotions, or ever be angry and frustrated in the first place. Being human, this is of course a completely impossible and unrealistic expectation, as we are feeling the whole spectrum of our emotions all the time, which makes perfect sense, as it enables us to say 'No', and set and maintain boundaries with other people, which is vital in terms of self-preservation. It's just that with socialisation certain feelings, particularly those on the negative side of the spectrum, are often not viewed as acceptable and thus discouraged, if not actively punished.

So, whenever I had intrusive thoughts I realised that I was suppressing something I wasn't happy about. Whether this was being coerced, and me obliging, to do something I didn't want to do. Or whether it was me living up to other people's expectations for the sake of appearing 'normal', yet feeling completely the opposite, and thus conflicted inside. Or whether it was someone whom I felt had treated me unfairly or unjustly, and yet I couldn't for the life of me allow myself to confront the person and have it out with them directly.
In short: I always had intrusive thoughts when I was holding myself and my own emotions back in some shape or form, or attempted to control them by squeezing them into something I wanted them to be, but which they were not.

It took some years to finally get in touch with myself in this respect, which took some practice, and it's rare that I'm getting intrusive thoughts these days. And if it happens anyway, I can generally bet on the fact that I'm not true to myself and my own feelings in some shape or form.

[Electric_Worry]

Sorry for taking so long to reply. I had one of the busiest days I've had in a while yesterday, and it was a real test in seeing how well I have been dealing with my anxiety.

Maj

Your replies have been fantastic and I am very thankful to you for taking the time out to write them. The job situation has become somewhat of a farce; I get overlooked for more advanced positions and yet I'm 'overqualified' for jobs such as sales assistants or consultants. I am still applying for jobs, however I've put it on somewhat of a backburner whilst I deal with the more pressing concerns. Thankfully I have no dependencies, otherwise life could be much worse.

As for the medication, the nausea I initially suffered with the propranalol was so intense that I was put off taking others. Not only that, but I wanted to deal with the mental aspect without taking any kinds of anti-depressants. That's not me saying people shouldn't do it or that it's the wrong way to go, however I was personally wary of the prospect of not being myself. I wanted to feel as though I was in control.

I have accepted that these thoughts are purely a product of my current mental state and born out of anxiety/depression. I have not tried to repress them, just tried to pass them off as nonsense whenever they decide to rear their ugly heads. I'm trying to accept them and live with them in the hopes that the obsession fades once I start to feel more like my regular self. I shouldn't be afraid, because like you say, they've dependent upon my intense dislike of them.

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European

Thanks for your reply and your frank and honest assessment of your own intrusive thoughts. I have to say that for the past year or two I have been extremely unhappy with particular aspects of my life and rather than deal with the root cause, I would often repress them. I'm sure this was the reason that lead me to become about as emotional as a rock, too. Despite my unhappiness with certain situations, my emotions were always kept in check, whether it was the death of a family member, a pet or breaking up with a girlfriend. It's not to say I would cry over anything and everything previously, but in situations that warrant it, there is absolutely nothing.

I think you've hit the nail on the head in that regard and I can honestly relate. I need to do some serious soul-searching to find the real me. What I am now is not the person I want to be or even the person I used to be. I no longer have a release, whether it's for my feelings, emotions, creativity and so on. Everything is suppressed, so a huge change is needed in that aspect.

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Thanks again for the replies and sorry if this reads sloppily. I'm knackered, but thought I owed you guys a quicker response.

[beesl]

"Fluffy kitten worry!! " Ha Ha ha...I would say that the fact that you can joke about it means that you have things very much in perspective - even if you think you don't. I have had all sorts of unpleasant intrusive thoughts and I haven't acted on any of them but I do totally relate to freaking out about them when things get out of perspective. Giving the thoughts a silly voice in your head - e.g. Donald Duck or whatever, may help you to distance them from the real you, you might like to try this...

[blueangel]

I find intrusive thoughts to be one of the worst aspects of the whole anxiety/depression package. For me, it's the complete "uncontrollability" of them, and the fact that you can be having a really good day and they will appear from nowhere.

For instance, on Friday I'd had a really good day at work, with loads of positive things happening, then walking back into town from nowhere I started to get thoughts of what I would tell people if I had to start planning my funeral. I just felt like banging my head against the nearest wall as it ruined a decent day.

I got them again this morning (this time about car accidents) when I was on my way to work. I'm sure if I could crack dealing with intrusive thoughts I would feel a lot, lot better in myself.

[European]

I need to do some serious soul-searching to find the real me. What I am now is not the person I want to be or even the person I used to be. I no longer have a release, whether it's for my feelings, emotions, creativity and so on. Everything is suppressed, so a huge change is needed in that aspect.

This sounds to me like a very good starting point, if ever there was one! Recognising a need for change is the prerequisite to making this change happen.

You seem to be a very bright guy, with some strength and courage on top of that for being capable of looking the roots of your problems in the face. I'm sure you will succeed and find your way out of the maze with this attitude, which I think is absolutely the right one!

Take one step at the time on your path to finding yourself, and I'm sure you'll get there and feel better soon. I wish you all the best! :yesyes:

[Night_Owl]

You have hit it on the head - when you feel low then the thoughts come. When you feel brighter then you don't really care what you think! It's all about being relaxed and not mattering. Honestly, it is only a thought. Yes, you feel harrassed by them but they are completely unimportant. You will NEVER carry out these thoughts.I hope you are right Maj when you say that you will NEVER carry out these thoughts as I suffer from intrusive thoughts and have done so for some time so finding out that they are a symptom of Anxiety is somewhat of a relief as mine are quite horrendous.

I would be interested to know how often others get these thoughts and what they are.I can't remember when they started but I've been having them for several years and lately seem to be becoming more frequent which would make sense as I have been more depressed of late.

As mentioned they are quite horrendous the main one being when I'm driving my car I have a thought of driving head-on into oncoming traffic especially if I see a lorry coming the other way.Motorways are no better as I get thoughts of pulling out in front of cars coming down the fast lane or driving my car into the side of lorries as I'm overtaking.

I don't think I've done a journey without these thoughts,my trip to work takes about 15 minutes mainly along A roads and dual carriageway and get them every day and must admit sometimes it seems very difficult to control them and it makes me very scared that one day I wont be able to control them or a moment of lapsed concentration or my mind goes into auto-pilot and that will be the end.

A couple of other thoughts are waiting for a train and throwing myself in front of it when it arrives or when another one passes or jumping off balconies in places like shopping centres,there are others aswell but have never felt suicidal which just makes it all confusing.

I must admit that I've been a bit concerned by them especially as they are becoming more frequent and the thought of deliberately crashing my car will cause harm to others and not just myself.It's good to hear (in a kind of reassuring way) that it is not unusual to get them but I'm not convinced it's normal or right.:shrug:

[jujuedmonds]

hi
I have had alot of these thoughts, i used to attend my children's funeral in my head when they were sleeping in the back seat of the car! I used to feel bad like i was wishing bad things upon myself and others. But my counsellor told me that thoughts are like seeds, and our mind is the soil, the mind has no contol over what it grows but we have control over the negative thoughts we plant. He told me to use mindfullness techniques and when i got an altered thought I had to tell myself "here it goes again my mind telling me stories" He told me not to try and stop the thought and not to explore it, but just to simply acknowledge it's presence. I found those techniques very good with practice and now don't have those types of thoughts, not to say they will never come back, but I am glad of the break.

Julie

[Maj]

I hope you are right Maj when you say that you will NEVER carry out these thoughts as I suffer from intrusive thoughts and have done so for some time so finding out that they are a symptom of Anxiety is somewhat of a relief as mine are quite horrendous.

I would be interested to know how often others get these thoughts and what they are.I can't remember when they started but I've been having them for several years and lately seem to be becoming more frequent which would make sense as I have been more depressed of late.

As mentioned they are quite horrendous the main one being when I'm driving my car I have a thought of driving head-on into oncoming traffic especially if I see a lorry coming the other way.Motorways are no better as I get thoughts of pulling out in front of cars coming down the fast lane or driving my car into the side of lorries as I'm overtaking.

I don't think I've done a journey without these thoughts,my trip to work takes about 15 minutes mainly along A roads and dual carriageway and get them every day and must admit sometimes it seems very difficult to control them and it makes me very scared that one day I wont be able to control them or a moment of lapsed concentration or my mind goes into auto-pilot and that will be the end.

A couple of other thoughts are waiting for a train and throwing myself in front of it when it arrives or when another one passes or jumping off balconies in places like shopping centres,there are others aswell but have never felt suicidal which just makes it all confusing.

I must admit that I've been a bit concerned by them especially as they are becoming more frequent and the thought of deliberately crashing my car will cause harm to others and not just myself.It's good to hear (in a kind of reassuring way) that it is not unusual to get them but I'm not convinced it's normal or right.:shrug:

There will be no way you would carry out these thoughts, because that's what they are - thoughts. Nothing more. However tormenting they are, they can do you no real harm, apart from make you feel very uncomfortable. The first time you have an intrusive thought, because you are so anxious you automatically wonder just how mad you can be. It's a pattern which most sufferers go through. The thoughts then happen more and more because you dislike them, and that's what fuels them. There's no mystery here. As Claire Weekes says, the sufferer tends to follow the thoughts, determined to find out their worst, to find out just how mad they can be...........!! It's a perfectly NORMAL symptom to many anxiety sufferers, perhaps more distressing unfortunately. But an anxiety symptom nonetheless. Try to ACCEPT and not question the thoughts because acceptance brings recovery and acceptance is the key. Try saying a calming mantra to yourself every time they happen and don't shrink from them.
:flowers:

[Night_Owl]

Thanks Maj
Yes your'e right they are just thoughts and to prove it...I was driving home from work this morning when I saw lorry come round the corner and then I had about five seconds before it passed of thinking about crashing into it....but I'm here typing this and not in hospital or worse.:yahoo:

After I have had a thought and not carried it out I usually have a feeling of being pleased with myself (aswell as the obvious relief) it's almost like my mind is testing itself to see how stong it is and to prove that I'm still in control.

[ScottishGirl]

I'm new to this site but feel better after reading some of the posts. I keep thinking that the worst is going to happen and I think soo much about things that I have to go back and check that it hasn't, like if I'm driving and I think what if I did crash back there and I actually find myself driving back to check! If I don't I will be anxious all day. I also imagine that things have happened in my head when I get really anxious, it is very scary but I know it's only thoughts. I can't stop thinking what if, if something bad did happen and the embarrassment, does this make sense to anyone?! Any tips? x