I came back...

[PoppyC]

Hi
I was feeling so much better, in fact, totally well, and I left the site.
You know when you say Oh everything is great, and then everything goes wrong, well it was like that.
I am going through a bad time again, and I am sure the Citalopram is no longer effective. I am having counselling which although is helping is making me upset too, this time, as a lot of stuff, which I never disclosed before to a counsellor, is being brought up.
I just feel messed up, tired and tearful...not anxious...just maybe down. I have a lot to be happy for and I know that, but something is missing. I just don't know what it is however.
I am getting confused a lot too, but that may be down to being very anaemic.
The thing that is getting me down, is that I feel that I have not done anything special in life. I have a son who has just left uni with a Masters Degree, who is going on to do a PHD, and I was just a average single struggling parent. He makes me proud but I feel that I have nothing to make him proud of me.
I work and have had some good jobs, however I just feel like I am a 'nothing'. Does this make sense? I just feel that I am not making a difference? I have thought of charity work, but how I am socially, puts me off doing that.
I dont want to sound self pitying...I just feel like 'whats the point' at the moment.

[olderfella]

You got a lot to be happy about poppy a son who,s doing extremely well with further education,you,ve brought him up and put him well on his way thats a great achievement for a couple let alone a single parent, if you feeling down and tired ect could be down to being anaemic ask your doc for a blood test you may benefit from iron and b12:)

[ladybird64]

Hello Poppy, good to see you again :hugs:

It sounds like the counselling is doing what it is supposed to do and although it is painful, hopefully you will be able to work through what you have kept buried until now.

I know what you mean about feeling like a nothing. I think this is a common factor with many of us who have worked hard to bring up children..we lose our identity or even worse, feel we don't actually HAVE an identity as such.

I do think that depression is partly to blame for this because you know we always turn things inwards and have a go at ourselves. :winks:

I don;t know your financial situation or if you are at work at the moment but can I make a suggestion?

Do something for you, just for you. Not work, something you would like to try.
Maybe a course online or evening class if that;s not out of the question?

Anxiety and depression rob us of so much, especially emotions that is why we feel lost and "flat" so often.

I think you need to find out what you enjoy, not what you think you SHOULD be doing. When you start to feel happier (and you know it may take some time) then you will start to feel like a somebody, not a nobody.

It goes without saying that your son probably wouldn't have been as sucessful if it wasn't for you and I'm sure he knows that.

You have done your job of bringing him up..now it's your turn to nurture yourself. :flowers:

[calm]

hi poppy...my heart goes out to the way you feel...with this condition it does feel like life is passing us by.

but you know wot poppy....you beat it once...so you can do it again xxxxx you will have the strength xxxxx

your son i am sure is oh so proud of you.....look how he has turned out....he has done oh so well xxxxxx

[JaneC]

Nice to see you back Poppy, sorry it's because things aren't going so well. I'm sure your son is proud of you - and so he should be. He wouldn't be where he is without you and only you. You are an "average single struggling parent" who has brought up a son who has gone on to get a PHD - and you have done while also having mental health issues? Give yourself a break - I think that is fairly "special". You should be very proud of you as well as very proud of him. I hope you find a way of feeling better soon. Maybe there is some charity work you could do that doesn't involve to much of a social thing? xx

[PoppyC]

Thank you everyone for your helpful replies and the nice things that you said about my son. I had him very young and he has been through homelessness and other stuff with me, so I am very proud of how he has turned out, despite everything that happened in the past.
I have had a down few days but beginning to feel on the up again, not 100% but better. I do work and help a charity and keep busy but still sometimes I feel like a large part of my life has passed me by. Its scary how life seems to be going by so fast. I just wish how I feel had not ruined opportunities for me. I know I should be very grateful for what I have however. Sorry for whining. Your replies and suggestions have really helped me.
:hugs:

[blueangel]

Hi Poppy

It sounds as though you've done some really significant things if you've managed to survive homelessness and bring up a son to be a decent, intelligent individual, so don't run yourself down!!

At the moment I feel very similar to you; I never had children, and even though I knew that was the right decision for me (I have no maternal leanings at all!), I still can't get over the feeling that I have nobody to pass anything on to. Nobody will want to research my family history, as I am the youngest person in my entire family. I feel that I have made no mark on the world and that makes me really sad. My partner has had a massively successful career so far (and will do more, I'm sure), and while I admire him hugely for it, I can't help feeling that I'm a failure in comparison.