Ambers
28-09-10, 20:39
I have got the train to work two days in a row and it was easy(ish) :ohmy:
I am so happy, and weeks back I wouldn't even leave my bedroom.
I know it is not over..but I have won this battle..till the next one at least.
Anyway.. still nervous about the train ride, but once I got on I looked for some friendly looking faces and sat next to them...an elderly married couple and a student looking guy with a brilliant afro, for some odd reason they looked nice, strong and dependable...and my thinking was that if 'something went wrong' they would 'be there' for me.
I also told my body that it was allowed to do as it wishes - it could shake, It could feel sick, I could faint and my heart was allowed to bash away at my chest but I was still going to work and my 'will' would get me there.
I also decided not to worry about what others thought of the mad woman (me). These things pretty much made me relax enough to stay seated and 20 minutes later I was at my stop getting off without any major panic attack (I did feel some slight stress, but I could deal with this)
Even my boss remarks how much better I seemed - previously I was shaking all day long and my words were slurred/mixed-up because I was dealing with the aftermath of a panic attack on the way to work.
Today I felt happy with what I have achieved and even thinking about travelling accross London by train/tube from Berkshire to Essex at the weekend to visit friends :) ... well maybe!
I am so happy, and weeks back I wouldn't even leave my bedroom.
I know it is not over..but I have won this battle..till the next one at least.
Anyway.. still nervous about the train ride, but once I got on I looked for some friendly looking faces and sat next to them...an elderly married couple and a student looking guy with a brilliant afro, for some odd reason they looked nice, strong and dependable...and my thinking was that if 'something went wrong' they would 'be there' for me.
I also told my body that it was allowed to do as it wishes - it could shake, It could feel sick, I could faint and my heart was allowed to bash away at my chest but I was still going to work and my 'will' would get me there.
I also decided not to worry about what others thought of the mad woman (me). These things pretty much made me relax enough to stay seated and 20 minutes later I was at my stop getting off without any major panic attack (I did feel some slight stress, but I could deal with this)
Even my boss remarks how much better I seemed - previously I was shaking all day long and my words were slurred/mixed-up because I was dealing with the aftermath of a panic attack on the way to work.
Today I felt happy with what I have achieved and even thinking about travelling accross London by train/tube from Berkshire to Essex at the weekend to visit friends :) ... well maybe!