Am i over-reacting?

[becks xxx]

Hey,
i've been seeing my counsellor for nearly a year now, and everytime i see him it goes so well, if i go in feeling down, almost everytime i come out thinking positive and in a good mood. He makes me like realise there's hope again and that i can beat this thing
Anyway a few sessions ago, i never went to college the day after as we had planned, and when he rung me he went "Well beck, maybe im not helping you maybe you want to see someone else" and i let that pass because i think ive become a long way with him. And every session he seems to be slipping things in like that, 2 sessions ago he said "ive more or less said all i can say, its been a year now beck, i think medications maybe the next step to take the edge off of how you are feeling - you dont have to take it but if you decide not to, i may aswell sign u off cos theres not much more i can do, unless you take it - then i can"
but because the rest went well, i let it pass
Now when i saw him the other day, it just never felt the same at all?
Instead of pointing out the positives like he always does, it mostly seemed to be negatives , he told me how anxiety is selfish (which i know), he said he isnt calling me selfish, but it's time to stop being the patient and doing things for other people
And when i told him i didnt go to college that day he sorta went "oh so just give up then beck yeah cos thats all ur doing"
I just feel like hes getting fed up with me now?? like he said before, he's done all he can, and now it's down to me? I feel like he's just waiting to get rid of me? Or maybe he was trying a new technique, im not sure?
He's ringing me next week to arrange our next appointment, do i see him again or just tell him i dont want to see him anymore?
It's just left me confused, also i have an appointment next week with a pychiatrist for medication x x

[debs71]

becks, just going on what you say I have some doubts about this counsellor.

In my estimation there is a big difference between bolstering someones confidence that they can beat anxiety and the negativity this guy seems to be imposing on you. I had counselling for 18 weeks and I never felt a pressure from my counsellor to sort myself out, and CERTAINLY was never told anxiety is selfish. That is an absolutely BIZARRE thing for a counsellor to say to their client. They also don't rush your recovery, they support you as long as needed, as the time it takes for you to feel confident without counselling is entirely dictated by you, not them. To also have a go at you for not doing something you had agreed is outrageous. He should be discussing with you WHY that happened, not getting stroppy with you!

If he does not appear to be as supportive as before, and clearly does not seem to be to me, then it may be just as well to cut him loose. You don't need the added stress of worrying what your counsellor is thinking, as that totally defeats the object of counselling in the first place.

Yes, counselling is a two-way street granted and there is nothing wrong with quiet encouragement but this guy seems to be overstepping the mark as a counsellor IMO.xx

[becks xxx]

Thanks for replying debs, I think i might give him one more try, and if he was like he was the other day-then stop the whole thing.
I was just confused about where it all came from, he's normally soso supportive and then bam! Feels like he's turned and lost interest..
Now i've been thinking about all of this for days, ontop of a row with my bestfriend that thankfully got sorted yesterday , now i have her boyfriend telling me i use my "illness" as an excuse for everything, and want people to feel sorry for me.
It makes me feel sick that someone would even think that of me! It's just all been playing on my mind :( ..thanks for the reply! xx

[debs71]

Gee hun, you have certainly had it going on haven't you. Clearly your friends boyfriend is an ignorant ignoramous and has zero understanding of anxiety so don't give him a seconds thought. He is simply clueless.

I totally see your point about giving him another go. After I read my post again I did think just perhaps there may be something worth saving there if you felt benefits before from your sessions with your counsellor, and sometimes also it is hard to form a new association with another counsellor, but in saying that, I would be tempted to broach your concerns with him as well re. his different approach and comments and that is has been playing on your mind. If he is a decent counsellor he should take them on board.

Once again, ignore the muppet who your friend is unfortunate enough to be dating. He has the brain power of an amoeba!:winks:

[sarah_85]

Hi Becks,
I think the main thing about counselling is that it's an constructive and protective environment in which you can say what you want to say without any fear of prejudice,judgement or pressure. Up until now it seems like it's worked for you, but the last thing you need when you suffer with anxiety is to be made to feel like this. I dunno about you but I spend most of my time now worrying what other people think, have i upset that person, could i have done this better, does everyone think im pathetic and the list goes on. I started seeing a psychotherapist a few weeks ago and we have built up a good rapport, and I feel that he is willing to help me for as long as it takes and I never feel like I need to worry about him judging what I say or what I think. I appreciate that you shouldn't become totally dependant on your therapist/counsellor, but you certainly should not be made to feel that you have to stop seeing him especially before you're ready and before you have got all you need from it.
For him to make you feel like this is extremely wrong, especially as an anxiety sufferer you are going to be prone to worry and be anxious about this anyway.
my advice would be to make a decision that is completely your own, if you feel you can continue to get something out of these sessions, be it one more session or 100 more, i think it's important you carry on, and maybe mention to him how this has made you feel. if it goes down badly, then maybe it is time to consider seeing someone different.
As for your boyfriend, I think he is a bit out of order?! I would hope maybe he knows you better than to say that type of thing to you. However, I know our condition can take its toll on the people closest to us, and sometimes they snap, they are human after all. I think maybe you should tell him that what he said has hurt you, hopefully he'll realise that was a really crap thing to say, and treat you with the love and respect you deserve :)
hope my rambling has helped you some what!
lots of love. xxx

[Anxious_gal]

you know I'm thinking your Councillor is taking you not going to collage personally, maybe he is internalizing it as failure on his behalf.
we are all guilty of trying to help someone and getting frustrated when the person isn't doing as well as we want them to.

I admire you for sticking with therapy and your motivation to get better x

I hope it works out with this guy , if not I hope you find a better Councillor.

[Fly away Katie]

Hmmmm he shouldn't be saying those little comments, because thats giving the oppositive effect of what he's supposed to be having on you.
He should make you feel self-worth. Not worth-less. (Id feel like that with one of those comments he made)
Ahh well, only you can decide what to do.. Good luck love x x x

[jude uk]

One of the things with counselling is that it does make us feel good when we get positive feed back but the counsellor is not there just to make us feel good but to support us move forward. This is really a partnership, in that both play a role. The counsellor supports you to support yourself. Many that go for counselling expect the counsellor to cure all their ills but the truth is, we cure ourselves with their support.
I know people that come to counselling but dont put in the work and its a never ending story. A counsellor can only do so much and sometimes they need to be "cruel" to be kind.
We need to put in the work.....

For example
If a person has agoraphobia and spends time talking about it to the counsellor but never puts into practise what they have talked about, the person will not move forward.
Its in a sense like the person with toothache who goes to the dentist sits in the waiting room then leaves without having the work done.
Each one of us is afraid of taking steps out of our comfort zone, no matter what we suffer from and its the fear that keeps us chained. Yet we can free ourselves with each step but each step will be painful but there is no gain without this pain