Health anxiety...not fun!

[LydiKate&co]

I am 33 years old. I am married and have two children. My family is very important to me. I am here because I want some help. I am making their life miserable and mine. I suffer from health anxiety. I am always thinking I have some horrible disease. I shut down and talk to noone because I am ashamed of it. I back away from my husband because I don't think he understands...then he thinks he has done something wrong. I just got back from the doctor. My shoulder has been in pain for 2 weeks with underarm pain and numbness in my hand. I FREAKED out...sounds serious. Doc. found nothing. Today I have developed a lump in my throat. My thoughts are racing out of control..what if? My husband has rushed me to the ER for panic attacks and I just knew I was dying of heart failure. I WANT to get control of this..I am hurting those I love! I am in tears as I type this! I have tried medicine and gave up due to side affects. Doctor prescribed me something different yesterday, but I have not tried it. I have an appointment with a counselor Monday. I am sick & tired of this. My problem is so bad that we have been on a family vacation before and I have not even enjoyed a day of it because I was agonizing over an ache/pain. My poor husband can't understand what is wrong with me. I cry all the time and my kids see it. I constantly think my lymph nodes are hurting/achy, my throat burns and there is a lump feeling in it...like a hair ball. My legs ache and on and on and on. I am so intune with every ache I have. We have a beach trip planned for this weekend and I am not even excited...why? Because I am busy worrying about my throat. This is not a fun life to have. I try to walk and listen to relaxing/praise music, sometimes it just does not help. I want to get better so my husband can have a wife and my sweet babies can have a mom!!! I am to the point where this anxiety is making me angry! I just want to shout GO AWAY and DO NOT come back. The other day I was in a meeting for work...they were discussing this young girl and they found a tumor on her neck and it ran to her shoulder. I had a panic attack right there because I had shoulder pain!!! Everytime I hear of someone's symptoms...I feel like someone punched me in the gut and I worry myself sick. I wish my anxiety, fear, worry and OCD was in a punching bag and I could punch it's lights out. I HATE IT! :angry:

[sammi]

Oh hun I understand how you feel. Health anxiety is awful isn't it. Its just one thing after another and its totally draining to worry constantly about your health. Go see your counselor monday I think this will really help. I really hope you feel better soon and if you ever need to chat pm anytime. Good luck for monday xx

[Vixxy]

Your anger at your anxiety will be the tool you need to get past this. Whilst youre sitting there accepting that this is it for the rest of your life, you never have the motivation to kick it up the arse. Now that youre angry, turn it on the anxiety!
As for the medication. It might seem like a horrible and scary thing, but try to think of the end goal. If you can put up with the side effects you might get your life back! And theyre not permenant. Most of the side effects go after a few weeks :)

[ditzygirl]

oh hun u poor thing, anxiety is absolutely horrid.

But you are very brave to write what you have on here and I hope you feel better for it, it shows a real strength of character so well done.

There is loads of useful help on here and support. Would it help going through this site with your hubby ? Maybe he will be able to understand a little better - I have had to almost pin my partner down and explain my feelings in clear sentences and I am slowly getting the support I need.

Medications vary a great deal and I was put off too, I am not good on citralopram or prozac but a nurse friend advised me to go to my GP and discuss the meds options available. I have only had about 10 days of side effects with sertraline and felt better within 2 weeks so don't rule out medication.

Hope some of this is helpful and have a fab day at the beach tomorrow.

We are here for you x

[LydiKate&co]

Thank u guys sooo much. I feel that I have no one and you have helped me. I go to my first counseling session this afternoon. :yesyes: i am ready to jump this hurdle. Why and how did this happen to me? My childhood? My parents divorce? My husbands horrible car accident? I want this to be healed.
I need advice...my friend said I need anti-seziure medicine to treat anxiety and not anti-depression medicine....and word on that?