LydiKate&co
01-10-10, 20:30
I am 33 years old. I am married and have two children. My family is very important to me. I am here because I want some help. I am making their life miserable and mine. I suffer from health anxiety. I am always thinking I have some horrible disease. I shut down and talk to noone because I am ashamed of it. I back away from my husband because I don't think he understands...then he thinks he has done something wrong. I just got back from the doctor. My shoulder has been in pain for 2 weeks with underarm pain and numbness in my hand. I FREAKED out...sounds serious. Doc. found nothing. Today I have developed a lump in my throat. My thoughts are racing out of control..what if? My husband has rushed me to the ER for panic attacks and I just knew I was dying of heart failure. I WANT to get control of this..I am hurting those I love! I am in tears as I type this! I have tried medicine and gave up due to side affects. Doctor prescribed me something different yesterday, but I have not tried it. I have an appointment with a counselor Monday. I am sick & tired of this. My problem is so bad that we have been on a family vacation before and I have not even enjoyed a day of it because I was agonizing over an ache/pain. My poor husband can't understand what is wrong with me. I cry all the time and my kids see it. I constantly think my lymph nodes are hurting/achy, my throat burns and there is a lump feeling in it...like a hair ball. My legs ache and on and on and on. I am so intune with every ache I have. We have a beach trip planned for this weekend and I am not even excited...why? Because I am busy worrying about my throat. This is not a fun life to have. I try to walk and listen to relaxing/praise music, sometimes it just does not help. I want to get better so my husband can have a wife and my sweet babies can have a mom!!! I am to the point where this anxiety is making me angry! I just want to shout GO AWAY and DO NOT come back. The other day I was in a meeting for work...they were discussing this young girl and they found a tumor on her neck and it ran to her shoulder. I had a panic attack right there because I had shoulder pain!!! Everytime I hear of someone's symptoms...I feel like someone punched me in the gut and I worry myself sick. I wish my anxiety, fear, worry and OCD was in a punching bag and I could punch it's lights out. I HATE IT! :angry: