Being taken advantage of!

[Lion King]

Really don't know what to think of people sometimes! I like to think I am a reasonable person and good natured, the problem I have is that I am a manager and these attributes do not fair me well in doing my job! As most of you are aware on this site I have suffered with SAD/GAD and I have recovered but just started to doubt my character. I feel taken advantage of by those that work for me, I like to think I am understanding but one person in particular thinks that this is a weakness and pushes! The guy is on a final written warning, has a family to support, I know I need to be selfish and hard faced but guilt always over rides! Why do I feel so guilty, my confidence is slipping, I don't believe in my abilities anymore, I can'e change jobs cos there are none out there that pay the same! Really peed off and pretty down and getting to the point where I wonder what worth I have to give.

A frustrated lion!

[suzy-sue]

This guy is old enough to take the concequences of his own actions Lion King .If he persists in taking advanage especially with his final written warning thats down to him .You cant help being a nice person ,but you have a job to do and that means sometimes you have to do things that you dont like .He needs to change not you .Stop feeling worthless you have a lot to give ,,you sound like a very good boss and very fair .There will always be people who prey on our weaknesses .But you cant be responsible for everyones behaviour .Once you make a decision see it thru and dont beat yourself up .We all have choices ,its a pity others make us feel bad about ours .Accept yourself for who you are .You sound like a pretty good bloke to me .Nothing wrong with that .Take care luv Sue x:hugs:

[debs71]

I understand very well your upset and frustration Lion King.

It is admirable that you have recovered from SAD/GAD and I take my hat off to you as that is so hard. Please don't doubt your character, and don't change for ANYONE! It is a sad fact that when people are fair, reasonable and cut some slack to others there are always going to be those individuals who think this is a license to take advantage and see it as a weakness so they can get their own way. You are clearly a good manager as not only are you fair but you are strong enough to see when you need to put your foot down, and that is what a manager HAS to do, hopefully on rare occasions, so DON'T feel guilty about that, it is your job, and if it wasn't you doing it, it would be someone else.

I understand totally where you are coming from. I have walked away from managerial positions in nursing because I simply did not feel I was management material. Number one, I didn't want the stress, number two, I didn't want being to be responsible for other people's work (only my own!), and number three, I didn't feel I had the personality to instruct others what to do, and put my foot down when required. The bottom line is, most of the senior nurses I worked with were what you may call 'ball breakers' and I simply did not feel I could work like that, but reading your post, I really feel you have the balance right. Firm but fair.

Don't allow this person to destroy your self confidence.xxxx:hugs:

[ditzygirl]

Please don't think you are weak - YOU ARE SO NOT, you have handled SAD/GAD and thats gutsy!!!!! You are also bothered by this chap and that shows you as a nice,caring person.
This person is insecure and feels inferior to you but that's not your problem and he is his has no right to behave in this manner.

Is there anyone at work you can share your concerns with, you can always ask hyperthetical questions and get advise that way, can an HR dept help ?

Don't be forced out of your job by this nasty bully, and he may have a family to support but that's not your problem - he still has to comply with company rules etc. I feel quite sorry for his poor wife - he probably bullies her too!!!!

Hang on in there and try to be strong and be yourself - Bullies don't deserve such a nice fair boss as you so he will get what he deserves and hope he learns from it.

Good luck and try to enjoy your weekendx

[Maj]

Your post really saddens me because, even when you should be reacting differently towards someone's actions, you are still so sensitive and caring and are worrying about this man. He is an adult and is responsible for his actions. You cannot keep carrying this man and allowing him to make you feel like this and undermine you. Someone constantly taking advantage of you brings you down and you have been through so much already. You are his manager and he should respect you. Simple as. He obviously doesn't care if he gets the sack or else he's be minding his p's and q's. Also, remember that in this day and age people with families to support get many benefits if they are out of work. He is not your problem if he continues down this path, harsh though it sounds. Put yourself first for once :hugs: