I so hate my life

[ian414]

why do i hate it? Thats a Question alot of people cant answere well i can and i know why, its because of Health Anxitey..ok i sit here most days thinking god what is this pain why is my left lung wheezing, why is my heart racing always over 100 beats a min, why am i always off balance when ever i walk or stand still, why have i lost weight, look so gaunt in the face, cant put the weight back on, why do my friends tell me i look so ill, what a worry to even klnow your freinds tell you this. So this puts more worry on me, cant tell them how i feel, So i sit here thinking who do i turn to, do i trust my Doctor who just seems to always say its Anxitey? do i trust the Hospital who always take bloods from me and do ECGs and tell me im ok, well i know how i feel they dont, do i sit here thinking do i sit here worrying, do i go back to the Hospital, how many times are they going to listen, how many times are they going to say im ok? I sit here thinking ive been like this now since November 2009, nearly 1 year have i got worse in that time? ok yes in one thing i have that the loss of weight, ok is it alot ok 1 and a half stone, from 11 stone to 9 and a half stone, am i loosing more no, but cant put it back on, is this a worry? yes to me it is, but deep down its 1 year im still here im still moaning about my health....so now its time i need to stand up for myself tell myself if thete was anything really wrong i would get worse wouldnt I? yes i would i would be ill very ill, so why cant i put that thought into my mind and make my mind understand this? i hope you all understand where im coming from...ian:roflmao:

[jada]

I understand exactly where you are coming from ian. :hugs:
Are you on any meds for the anxiety?
I was getting into a real state about my health (blood pressure, risk of heart attack/stroke) but my gp put me on anti-anxiety meds last monday and i am feeling less anxious now and my chest pains have gone away :)
Hope you find some answers soon.

[LiquidSky]

mate, I'm proud of how far you've come even in the last couple of weeks, and reading your post you already know the answers, you have HA, you're beginning to accept HA, you have put on some weight, you know you have. I know it's tricky for you because of the diabetes too, but as you said, it's a year on now and if anything you're health has improved slightly, anxiety is a real pain, and because it's one of those unknowns that can't be diagnosed by a blood test or an x-ray, it plays on your gremlins in your mind.
You could be sat here in 50 years time still worrying there's something seriously wrong with you. You're doing good buddy, you're attitude is changing, I've seen it myself in you. Hang in there my friend.
Russ

[ian414]

Hi Russ nice to know your name at last lol, thank you so much for that touching comment, its nice to know that people see a change in me...yes i feel alot better in the way i think but the worrying point is ok ive put some weight on but my bones are starting to show and im not loosing anymore weight but it looks as if my skin is just falling off me, does this make sense? i dont know if its just me looking at myself and never noticed it before but alot of people i know say they can see my bones...so you see its a worry to me, i know im trying so hard to be strong and i dont want to get back into this trap of Anxitey again.
The good thing is ive smashed up the BP machine and i dont take my pulse as much as i did, i cant say i dont do it as that would be a lie and i dont lie, well only white lies lol, but i think we all do that from time to time.
Its hard somtimes to find friends that understand what we all go through but ive got to say ive got more friends in here and true friends like yourself who do know what we suffer and its so nice to be able to talk and put our thoughts across Thanks again Ian