Need hugs x

[caffineaddict]

Hello,

I have started college two weeks ago and I got really upset on the first day there,was in tears, couldn't breathe and had had three panic attacks, I like proper freaked out, I couldn't do it, but I stuck with college for the first three days and still hate it.

We did come up with a solution in the second week though to calm me down each day I have a good day in college the support worker would give me a sticker and that's still happening so I guess that's good...

I just feel so different because I have a support teacher in class all the time and it makes it so hard for me to communicate with people (even if having social anxiety and autism doesn't make that so hard anyway!!!!) I hate the feeling of feeling different it's like I'm an alien or something like I'm invisible!

Second week in and I freaked out more because I have no friends, no one to talk to and I have no where to go for lunch where as in high school I had at least a little room where I could go for lunch or when I got really really stressed I could hide and just spend 10 minutes calming down, it is well annoying me that I don't have that at college.

No one understands' me at all, people keep saying to me, "it'll take a few weeks for us to understand you, just like it will take you a few weeks for you to understand us" I'm just there like "A few weeks and a few years are different things, people at school only just got to understand me at the end of year 11 before I left for college!!"

This is getting stupid.

I've been trying my best to get up each and everyday, at half 6, get myself ready, get my little one ready, do her teeth and get her dressed, then do my teeth and get myself dressed and then go down to get the bus at 8am so that I get to college on time and she's at crèche on time and no one understands' that,because it takes me forever to even get the energy at the moment, I really struggle to get up and sort out my life and make sure I'm there on time each and everyday, which some days I can't be bothered to do.

At the moment I hate college,I hate going, I hate it, no one gets me, I really keep crying to get it out and last week I got sent out the room because I was crying and having a panic attack does anyone else think that's stupid? Then when I went back in all I got was "your being a bit mardy today aren't you Hannah what's wrong?"

I AM NOT BEING MARDEY I AM UPSET AND ANGRY WHY WON'T THEY UNDERSTAND THAT?!!!!!

Okay, I think I could use a hug to calm me down, I applaud anyone who could understand and read that, as it's quite long *claps* well done if anyone read all of that.

Love & thanks in advance
God Bless x

[munkeyinblack]

i know how u feel caff hun *huuuuuge hugs* well done u for hanging in there1 it will get better hun xxxx

munkey xx

[caffineaddict]

i know how u feel caff hun *huuuuuge hugs* well done u for hanging in there1 it will get better hun xxxx

munkey xx

Thank you for the hugs my dear x

[debs71]

Hey Hun.....I'm also sending you big hugs :hugs::hugs:

Just remember and always keep in your mind, that every time you go to college and face your fears, you are taking huge steps forwards. You are not avoiding the issue by staying at home, which is a far easier thing to do, so you are very brave and keep reminding yourself of this.

As for what others think, well sod 'em! We have no control over what others think of us and your priority is your health and your progress forwards, and from what I can see you are doing great hun.

Keep your chin up, keep letting us know how things are going and take care,

Debs.xx:bighug1:

[KK77]

Hope you feel better soon CA

((Hugs))

[caffineaddict]

Hey Hun.....I'm also sending you big hugs :hugs::hugs:

Just remember and always keep in your mind, that every time you go to college and face your fears, you are taking huge steps forwards. You are not avoiding the issue by staying at home, which is a far easier thing to do, so you are very brave and keep reminding yourself of this.

As for what others think, well sod 'em! We have no control over what others think of us and your priority is your health and your progress forwards, and from what I can see you are doing great hun.

Keep your chin up, keep letting us know how things are going and take care,

Debs.xx:bighug1:

thank you for the hugs I will try to keep reminding myself of that kind of things, I keep on remembering stuff from the first week I was there and am now freaking out as I have to go tomorrow and don't know if I can manage it. I will try my best to go though...

*hugs back*
Love
God Bless x

[caffineaddict]

Hope you feel better soon CA

((Hugs))

Thanks for the hugs

Love
God Bless x

[debs71]

I know how that feels, especially having a tough,traumatic first day, but you stuck with it and that is a real victory!

I'm having a tricky time at the moment with a similar thing as I have been finding it really hard to face going out up the shops, and into specific shops, as I have had panic attacks and near fainting in those shops, so now my brain tells me to avoid them as I am so scared the same thing is gonna happen again.

It is very hard to go back to a place that has a bad memory or experience attached but I am trying, like you are, to just go back and back again as I think this chips away at those feelings and helps boost my confidence that I can overcome this.

It must have been very hard for you those first three days after your start day to go back, but you did it hun, remember that. You are clearly a strong person and can do it.xxx

[caffineaddict]

I know how that feels, especially having a tough,traumatic first day, but you stuck with it and that is a real victory!

I'm having a tricky time at the moment with a similar thing as I have been finding it really hard to face going out up the shops, and into specific shops, as I have had panic attacks and near fainting in those shops, so now my brain tells me to avoid them as I am so scared the same thing is gonna happen again.

It is very hard to go back to a place that has a bad memory or experience attached but I am trying, like you are, to just go back and back again as I think this chips away at those feelings and helps boost my confidence that I can overcome this.

It must have been very hard for you those first three days after your start day to go back, but you did it hun, remember that. You are clearly a strong person and can do it.xxx

I am really really bad at being strong and trying to go back to places, but I need to because I need the qualifications from the course to get onto level 3 so I can get a decent job even if I don't start it straight away I'd rather have the knowing that I beat my fear of the damn (excuse the swear word) place so that I feel right and know I've done something good.

*hugs* I'm sorry if that doesn't make much sense I'm trying to make as much sense as I can but English isn't my first language! x

[debs71]

Your English is just fine hun. It is fantastic that you are working towards something and you will do it, it is just believing that which is difficult. You have already come through a lot so I for one think you will definitely face this ok, and like you say, can then be proud of yourself for facing your fears.

big hugs.xxx

[caffineaddict]

Your English is just fine hun. It is fantastic that you are working towards something and you will do it, it is just believing that which is difficult. You have already come through a lot so I for one think you will definitely face this ok, and like you say, can then be proud of yourself for facing your fears.

big hugs.xxx

Hurray I am glad it makes some sort of sense!! I'm still really proper nervous about this day tomorrow I really don't want to go like because I know I'll just freak out more, I've worked out though that I can get on to facebook and msn even if I cannot get onto here so I think if someone comes online I will be okay. Just really nervous. *hugs back*

Love
God Bless x

[JT69]

Sending you hugs and hope you feel better soon.

Jo.xx

[caffineaddict]

Sending you hugs and hope you feel better soon.

Jo.xx

Thank you my dear very much appreciated x