W.I.F.T.S.
07-03-06, 10:40
I've read a lot about people who have panic attacks and feel like they're going to 'lose it' but, with me, it's very often the other way round. My first memories of 'panic attacks' (although I didn't know what they were at the time) were being on a ferry and having an urge to throw myself off and being high up on a balcony and feeling like jumping. The 'impulse' came first and then the panic afterwards.
When this particular bout of depression started it was because I had a recurring urge to pull my eye out. If I fly I have an urge to open the door and get out of the plane. When I'm driving I have an urge to crash into oncoming traffic. If I'm in the kitchen and I see a sharp knife I have an urge to grab it.
I have heard someone on here refer to them as 'spikes' and I guess they must be pretty common because I've heard of plenty of stories where people get their families to hide all the sharp things in the house, but I haven't actually read that much about them medically or psychologically in books to do with panic and depression.
I presume that they are an effect of depression. I visualise the 'worst case scenario' in any situation, my subconscious takes it as a literal danger and my body responds with the fight or flight response. I also think that there is an element of frustration involved because I kind of feel that by doing something so dramatic that all the pain would suddenly stop and there would be calm.
The thing that does disturb me is that I first had these 'spikes' when I was about 10 years old and on that ferry and they have been fairly regular since, which makes me feel that I have a depressive personality and that I will always have them!
Why should i get them though? Is it stress? When I felt like jumping off the balcony I didn't feel scared, I felt scared because of the struggle to resist doing it and what if I lost control.
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.
When this particular bout of depression started it was because I had a recurring urge to pull my eye out. If I fly I have an urge to open the door and get out of the plane. When I'm driving I have an urge to crash into oncoming traffic. If I'm in the kitchen and I see a sharp knife I have an urge to grab it.
I have heard someone on here refer to them as 'spikes' and I guess they must be pretty common because I've heard of plenty of stories where people get their families to hide all the sharp things in the house, but I haven't actually read that much about them medically or psychologically in books to do with panic and depression.
I presume that they are an effect of depression. I visualise the 'worst case scenario' in any situation, my subconscious takes it as a literal danger and my body responds with the fight or flight response. I also think that there is an element of frustration involved because I kind of feel that by doing something so dramatic that all the pain would suddenly stop and there would be calm.
The thing that does disturb me is that I first had these 'spikes' when I was about 10 years old and on that ferry and they have been fairly regular since, which makes me feel that I have a depressive personality and that I will always have them!
Why should i get them though? Is it stress? When I felt like jumping off the balcony I didn't feel scared, I felt scared because of the struggle to resist doing it and what if I lost control.
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.