Both parents gone

[jothenurse]

Does anyone else feel afraid to be alone? My father died in 2001 and my mother just passed away about a month ago. I live by myself, but my son is close and I have a boyfriend who stops by sometimes for supper. I do get panicky being by myself sometimes. I try to stay busy, but I noticed that since my Mom passed away (she lived close by), the feeling of being alone is worse. I would imagine some of this is because of the loss of my mother and some from my panic disorder. Anybody else feel alone?

[olderfella]

I live with my partner and kids but i often feel alone when it comes to anxiety and panic

[jothenurse]

I guess with both of them gone I feel so much more alone. I think I am a very dependent person. My therapist is trying to get me more independent. He keeps telling me that I do not need other people around all the time. That I can handle my anxiety on my own and I need to work on that.
I'm sure I am grieving the loss of my mother, too, that makes the anxiety worse.

[angels22165]

Hi, I live with my children but feel lonely at times, I think it is anxiety which makes us feel this way, I know Im not alone with the kids and my family for support just feel it sometimes, think it just gets to us more. :hugs:

[olderfella]

Grievings never eay and bound to make you feel more anxious jo:)

[jothenurse]

I think so, too. Today I am by myself. My boyfriend (who is really more of a friend,platonic) is working and my son is at his apartment. So, I have been trying to keep busy. I used to check on my Mom a few times a day, but now with her gone, I have to try to find some things that I can look forward to. Get some goals. It is just so hard to do with the anxiety. I do work full-time, which helps.

[olderfella]

Youre doin well in that respect Jo,i enjoy goin to work and keepin busy but as youre aware some are not so lucky,so we should be thankful for what we are able to do:)

[jothenurse]

That is for sure. I did take 2 and a half months off because of the anxiety. I went back to work in June. I still get anxious, but I think work is better than being at home thinking about my anxiety.

[caz1625]

I lost my mum 4 years ago and miss her terribly. I saw her every day and there was a massive hole in my life when she died.
I have 2 sons one who is disabled so I look after him. I have recently divorced after 25yrs of marriage. Like you I get terribly lonely sometimes. It seems to come in waves....sometimes I enjoy just having my son to look after but othertimes I would give anything for someone to be there to support me.

Take care
Carol xx

[Anabell]

Hi - I understand the feeling, being alone was never such a big part of my anxiety but my dad died the day after Xmas and my mum died at the end of June and since then I have had terrible fears around being alone. I'm 36yrs old and married with children but somehow the thought of no longer having my parents there makes me very anxious. I'm not entirely sure where the feelings come from as I was never very reliant on them practically in life although my mum would come and stay with us a lot and was wonderful to have around. I'm only just starting to grieve fully I think after a few months of shock but my panic attacks have increased lately and I'm terrified of being alone.

[alihud]

Loosing your parents is a huge thing.I lost my dad 6 years ago and thought i was going to loose my mum a few weeks ago and i became extremely low.I am a dependent person i think and am very acutely aware of being alone even tho i have survived being divorced for 8 years and just being with my kids.When they go to their dads i get very low and am working through this with my counsellor.
my parents moved away 20 years ago and i've always missed not having them nearby and then it got worse when my husband left.I dont have any other family nearby either,But hey thats life i guess.
Ali xxx

[jothenurse]

Thanks for all of your replies. I think for me it is a loss of a role too, for I helped take care of my Dad when he was ill, and also managed my Mom's care at her townhouse with homehealth aides and hospice. I called her 3 times a day and stopped in and saw her at least every day and sometimes more. I am a nurse, so I am still in the caretaker role, but in a different way. I just feel so loss with both of them gone. It just doesn't seem possible at times. I've noticed my anxiety has gone up some since my Mom passed away (which I would think would be normal), but those scary thoughts (what if I go nuts?) and feelings of unreality get to me at times. They were starting to go away and I noticed that I feel that way sometimes again. I try to just tell myself (as does my therapist) that it is just the anxiety, I am fine, and things will be fine. I need to keep pushing myself to face my fears of being alone and start getting out and doing some fun things. But, it is anxiety producing. I get a lot of anxiety being at work full-time so am pretty tired when I get home. Plus, there will be an estate sale in a few weeks of my Mom's things so there is still a lot going on with that.
I just wish this anxiety would go away. The grieving is hard, too.

[Nigel]

Hi Jothenurse,

I’m sorry :hugs:
My Dad died 8 years ago, and a very good friend earlier this year, but I can’t begin to imagine how I’d feel if Mum wasn’t around.

It’s probably too soon to be trying to make much sense of any feelings at the moment. Some may be grief, some may be anxiety, and some are probably just being human and wanting a little company sometimes. Probably it’s a bit of them all.

Try to take one day at a time for now without looking for too many answers...

Take care,
Nigel

[jothenurse]

Thanks for your reply.

[tambo12]

hi I sorry 2 here about your parents . I lost my dad in feb this year so i know how you feel.you do feel lonely lost and cofused its normal , just take each day as it comes .
there are many ways to beat this condision .
I have had panic attacks for 12 years .
I tried everything but it came down to me standing up to myself in the end .
You have to belive that you are stronger than the attacks .
I know they are scary and I know that you fell like your dying , but your not and they do pass.
Try to let it pass over you like a wave , the attack will happen but the more you fight it the worse it my feel .breath deep and try to let it pass .
this may help you as well http//tinyurl.com/2w5ngap

[heavenly]

Does anyone else feel afraid to be alone? My father died in 2001 and my mother just passed away about a month ago. I live by myself, but my son is close and I have a boyfriend who stops by sometimes for supper. I do get panicky being by myself sometimes. I try to stay busy, but I noticed that since my Mom passed away (she lived close by), the feeling of being alone is worse. I would imagine some of this is because of the loss of my mother and some from my panic disorder. Anybody else feel alone?

I know how you feel, I haven't seen my dad for over 15 years (not that I would want to) and my beloved mum passed away suddenly 3 years ago. I miss her terribly and with what has been happening to me re anxiety these past 2 months, I know she would have been a massive help, she was always such a rock. She suffered a lot over the years with her nerves and depression (to do with my dad), so she would know exactly what I was going through. It is really hard but I also know that she wouldn't want me to give up, she would want me to beat this thing, and live my life....and I intend to, no matter how long it takes! And you will too. :hugs:

[jothenurse]

Thanks again for all your replies.

[ladyj]

Hi i to have lost both my parents and was very very close to my mum and when i feel down and anxious i would love to have her support i am sure it would make me feel so much better but sad to say she is not here but i can still chat to her and i do at times a little crazy maybe but i dont think so, my boys have grown and left home and hubby works all day i work part time so am often alone but you know i am sure we all have just one person we can call on if we really needed to and if not there is allways everyone on here for a shoulder to cry on or to just listen get things of you chest take care jenny