Embarrasing!

[LittleC]

I am new here and this is the first time I am putting this out in public. I am extremely afraid of vomiting/diarreha in public. I get extremely anxious going in cars for long distances, I can't get on a plane not because I am afraid of flying but rather I am afraid of not being able to get to a bathroom and I am afraid to go to an event where the bathrooms are far away, or crowded. I hate feeling this way. I feel ridiculous. I actually have had full blown panic attacks surrounding the diarreha. The worst part is that I do get it horribly and I don't know why. Sometimes it is anxiety, sometimes it just comes out of the blue. I feel like I spend every day waiting for it. I have considered not eating, I sometimes try to purposely dehydrate so there is no liquid in me and I will take pepto and immodium often to stop it. I can handle most symptoms of anxiety/panic but the big d. I can even handle the vomiting over it! I mean I could throw up in a garbage can if I have to but you can't just make anything into a toilet. What do I do! I am also terrified of any test to find out what might be wrong in there. I feel like I am paralyzed!

[Ambers]

Sorry - I have no real advice, but I have started CBT - which I can recommend but you must go see your GP first.

But...I am with you all the way - I have panic disorder (Post Traumatic Stress) but I constantly worry about Diarrhea. I love travel/flying but again like you I fear getting on a plane because I hate the toilets - I also cant lock the door on a toilet cubicle because I panic about being locked in so having diarrhea on a plane but just awful. I hope you stay on this site as I have found it helpful - and hopefully you will get some great advice.

Sorry I am not much help

[fairyclairy]

Regarding the fear of vomitting, sounds to me like you are emetophobic - which means you have a phobia of being sick or seeing someone else be sick, or both!
Iv had this for the past 11 years... its horrible. A real debilitating phobia because we cant escape our bodies so we cant escape what we are feeling!

I too have a fear of being sick in public.... i even carry around a plastic bag in my handbag just incase.. because id be so embarrased being sick on the floor (this is where my phobia first came from, i was sick all over the floor in highschool and it was extreemly embarrasing!)

There is alot of information on this site regading this phobia so i would recommend you read through..... iv posted alot about it!

Also, i agree with Ambers - CBT is great at helping with phobias/panic attacks etc because it helps to re-train your brain and thoughts towards the phobia etc.
Talk to your doctor about it....

In terms of the diarrea..... i wonder if you are suffering from IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) however, i am not a doctor so i advice you to talk to them.
I have IBS caused by stress and my anxiety etc... it can make you feel very bloated, slugish, full, can give stomach pains, gas, and can also change your bowel movements from normal stools to diarrea very quickley!! If i am having a really bad panic attack or bad day of anxiety, i can almost guarantee il have diarrea... but then once iv calmed down at night its back to normal stools... again, there is alot on information on this site so have a read over everything.

Hope iv helped x

[LittleC]

Thank you so much for answering and it makes me feel so much better already. I had no idea that so many people have a fear of vomiting. The fear of the big D is definitely worse for me but they are both bad. I think I probably have IBS but I am too afraid of the tests. I nearly fainted during the barium enema and was too afraid to go for the colonoscopy. I hate having to worry about this all the time and pick through everything I eat for the least offending things. I just want to do things like anyone else.

[AJS]

Hi littleC
I have Ibs which I have realised over the past year since my panic attacks started that it is caused mainly by the anxiety.
I'm a bit better now with the dreaded D but recognise all your fears about it. I worry about going anywhere new or unfamiliar incase my tummy goes, I dread travelling every day on the train and try to make sure that the train I get has a loo (as a safety precaution) it's a terrible never ending cycle - you worry that u might get D going somewhere but the worry is what causes ur digestive system to go into overdrive. I had the colonoscopy and endoscopy - not nice at all but good to know it's nothing more sinister than ibs.
Anyway you are not alone I used to think I was the only person that could have this mad crazy fear!
Aj x

[JayDeee]

Hi there, I too have the exact fear, used to be about the vomiting but not so much anymore. I stay in all the time because when I go out all I do is panic about needing the loo - it's ridiculous! I always think, why are you so worried about this, it's something EVERYONE does EVERYDAY! But it doesn't make it any easier! When I was at school I used to starve myself, well not starve but I wouldn't eat anything like curry, chilli etc. Out of fear it would give me D the next day. I never ate all day at school or drank so that I didn't have to go to the loo at school - not good. I know that when I panic, the symptom of it is bowl/bladder speed up! I don't know how to deal with this fear, if you find out anything please let me know!

-J

[LittleC]

Thank you AJS and Jaydee! I wish I knew how to forget about the D worries! Lots of times I take immodium in advance so I don't get D but I feel like when I do that I am just prolonging it. I don't want to take anything! I have found that probiotics seem to help in frequency but it is still around. I did have it at work the other day and was happy that I did not have a panic attack. I did however take a lot of pepto and immodium though. I would love to know how normal people go.