ashley
07-03-06, 19:20
I woke up this morning after a couple of days thinking about it,i decided to go to town
I walked up the road, that was ok . waited for the bus not bad, then my breathing changed . i wasnt even panickey at that stage so why dont it attack me then..breathing was in my throat if you understand me.
Got on the bus felt every so fidgety, still carried on my journey not feeling good, jumping inside when the bus went over a mere bump(whats happened to me).
Got to town got of the bus head was pounding---due to glue ear i have--- but im now thinking different, walked up to the trinty centre where they do spitual healing and help you with anxiety wanted some information, it was all so painful , even waiting for the lady to come and talk to me because i wanted to dash,.
Anyway i left the shop did some shopping,all the time feeling awful,i mean nasty,popped in to my mates cafe and had a cuppa tea, sat down was spaced outbreathing wasnt proper atall, i hear myself sounding nervous ya know.
I keep getting pauses in between beats, like my heart is pausing for a second before the next beat????????????
Left the shop and walked up towards my sons school,still feeling terrible, kept thinking i am never going down town again, not a good thought is it.
Got up to the school and was waiting for my son to come out and a few mothers said hello to me, i said hello but was so spaced out,it was all wierd every where ..like i wasnt seeing things correctly-- like i was on drugs or something, thats the only way i can explain it... i have felt all this before wheni had anxiety but man this is behond ..im losing it,i am going mental ... i tell ya i am F***ing losing the plot...pains in my body,,, especially my back ...really bad..pains in my chest.
I walked down the road with my son and i got my warning , a tingle in my knee i knew then that it was going into a full a full panic attack, although i managed to stop it, dont know how.
Got to the bus stop , and went straight home , but the journey was long... what does this mean i cant even go into town now without acting like a freak or something, i cant handle it.
I want my mum to come over and stay, not that she really gets what im going through bless her but at least soemone is there.
I know most of us on here have kids and they have to cope , but im on my own - single parent and although my cousin could stay the odd night, most of my family are commited to thier familys.
I need some one here while i am in this bad period as i am truley truley bad you know- i sit on my own sometimes.with my hand on my face, feeling totally scared like a whippering child.
I cant stand it, im even late in my periods too( and no it is pregnancy you guys, ant been near a man---do my head in)
i am losing it, i cant cope .
If it isnt my heart, its my breathing.. oh but they may be connected mighten they ASHLEY stupid thick pathetic ashley.... i cant take it anymore.. i just cant--- im dying , this ant right,, brain tuma , who knows
Take ya pick ashley, im sorry everyone for sounding of and being foolish in what i am saying but im not in my right mind atall.
Check this at one point i was in the libary,and the liberian showed me to a perticular section and it was so dark there, and i couldnt stand it-- and was saying why is it so dark, its so dark... like some kind of child..
jack,marcia everyone what am i going to do.im trying to help myself but nothink is working.
ash x
I walked up the road, that was ok . waited for the bus not bad, then my breathing changed . i wasnt even panickey at that stage so why dont it attack me then..breathing was in my throat if you understand me.
Got on the bus felt every so fidgety, still carried on my journey not feeling good, jumping inside when the bus went over a mere bump(whats happened to me).
Got to town got of the bus head was pounding---due to glue ear i have--- but im now thinking different, walked up to the trinty centre where they do spitual healing and help you with anxiety wanted some information, it was all so painful , even waiting for the lady to come and talk to me because i wanted to dash,.
Anyway i left the shop did some shopping,all the time feeling awful,i mean nasty,popped in to my mates cafe and had a cuppa tea, sat down was spaced outbreathing wasnt proper atall, i hear myself sounding nervous ya know.
I keep getting pauses in between beats, like my heart is pausing for a second before the next beat????????????
Left the shop and walked up towards my sons school,still feeling terrible, kept thinking i am never going down town again, not a good thought is it.
Got up to the school and was waiting for my son to come out and a few mothers said hello to me, i said hello but was so spaced out,it was all wierd every where ..like i wasnt seeing things correctly-- like i was on drugs or something, thats the only way i can explain it... i have felt all this before wheni had anxiety but man this is behond ..im losing it,i am going mental ... i tell ya i am F***ing losing the plot...pains in my body,,, especially my back ...really bad..pains in my chest.
I walked down the road with my son and i got my warning , a tingle in my knee i knew then that it was going into a full a full panic attack, although i managed to stop it, dont know how.
Got to the bus stop , and went straight home , but the journey was long... what does this mean i cant even go into town now without acting like a freak or something, i cant handle it.
I want my mum to come over and stay, not that she really gets what im going through bless her but at least soemone is there.
I know most of us on here have kids and they have to cope , but im on my own - single parent and although my cousin could stay the odd night, most of my family are commited to thier familys.
I need some one here while i am in this bad period as i am truley truley bad you know- i sit on my own sometimes.with my hand on my face, feeling totally scared like a whippering child.
I cant stand it, im even late in my periods too( and no it is pregnancy you guys, ant been near a man---do my head in)
i am losing it, i cant cope .
If it isnt my heart, its my breathing.. oh but they may be connected mighten they ASHLEY stupid thick pathetic ashley.... i cant take it anymore.. i just cant--- im dying , this ant right,, brain tuma , who knows
Take ya pick ashley, im sorry everyone for sounding of and being foolish in what i am saying but im not in my right mind atall.
Check this at one point i was in the libary,and the liberian showed me to a perticular section and it was so dark there, and i couldnt stand it-- and was saying why is it so dark, its so dark... like some kind of child..
jack,marcia everyone what am i going to do.im trying to help myself but nothink is working.
ash x