ljd
07-10-10, 20:42
I am so tired and run down!! Dont know how i got through today wasnt easy as had a buisy day studying and one of the topics discussed was really difficult for me to listen to and has brought up some things!! which i keep trying to forget but i guess the sort of job i do and what im studying its not going to go away and ill always be faced with them!! I just wish they would go away.
or if i could just trust one person who i could just be me with and tell all about but that will never happpen so no point in even thinking about that one!!
Im tired of going it alone, fighting with myself all the time. Letting things get to this mess i find myself in often.
Yet on the outside i come accross as sociable, confident, independent, can go away travelling to other countries on my ope (but you see thats an escape for me as i feel better when i am away not so scared or alone depends where i am i guess, initially i am very scared to go but once im away its like im a different person!!!
I dont understand it yet when im in this country i find it hard and have no confidence in me, scared, panicky, wonder what people think of me, tired, fed up. Its as if i just freeze and cant do the things i can do when im away why is that i think it is fear, and im scared, alot to do with the past, myself esteem, etc but i hate myself for it i see myself as horrible, evil, bad, stupid thats who I am!!! sorry for rambling not making any sense i know.
Im just lost and confused and dont know what to do!!
or if i could just trust one person who i could just be me with and tell all about but that will never happpen so no point in even thinking about that one!!
Im tired of going it alone, fighting with myself all the time. Letting things get to this mess i find myself in often.
Yet on the outside i come accross as sociable, confident, independent, can go away travelling to other countries on my ope (but you see thats an escape for me as i feel better when i am away not so scared or alone depends where i am i guess, initially i am very scared to go but once im away its like im a different person!!!
I dont understand it yet when im in this country i find it hard and have no confidence in me, scared, panicky, wonder what people think of me, tired, fed up. Its as if i just freeze and cant do the things i can do when im away why is that i think it is fear, and im scared, alot to do with the past, myself esteem, etc but i hate myself for it i see myself as horrible, evil, bad, stupid thats who I am!!! sorry for rambling not making any sense i know.
Im just lost and confused and dont know what to do!!