i dont think this is normal.

[marilyn_monroe]

hi. im Jessica and I'm 19 years old. I feel weird rambling about my problems but I've never been able to talk to someone about the way I constantly feel all the time. I question myself daily "I don't think this is normal." I've had social anxiety basically my whole life. I knew it was something I had to work with but it seems like ever since I got older, its gotten worse. I WORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING. Even stupid things that i shouldn't being worrying about at my age. I feel like it's starting to ruin my life, especially my relationship with my boyfriend. I'm a hopeless romantic and I can't wait to get married someday. I'm absolutly terrified about being cheated on later in my life when im married. I think about it everyday and ITS STUPID. Why should I be worrying about that stuff. I'm not even married yet. I have a hard time trusting people, I'm paranoid about 90% of the day, I think everyone is better than me and It's hard for me to talk to new people. I don't know why i do this. I can't control it. It bugs me soo much. I worry about the future and I get depressed about death and I worry about my parent dying someday. Basically I just feel like I can't relax and I ALWAYS think the worst about EVERYTHING. I just wonder if other people out there are like me and are going through this. I know I don't have it that bad like some people with panic attacks and everything like that but I just feel like im getting worse. I don't want to lose my boyfriend. He means everything to me. I'm that jealous type of girlfriend and I HATE it. It's because I constantly worry.

<3 Jessica

[Ma Larkin]

Hi Jessica, at 19 I was just like you (39 now). I had my first proper boyfriend at 14 & was with him until I was 18, he broke my heart. I went into bunny boiler mode!! The thing was, i'd been with him for so long, stopped going out with my mates because I wanted to be with him 24/7 & when he dumped me I had no-one in the world to turn to. I thought we'd get married & have kids & it took me ages to get over it. I didn't know any other way though, & when I got my next boyfriend I was just as jealous & possessive as I was with the first one because I thought i'd lose him the same way. I'm also an only child as well, & I made a promise to myself that I would never have an only child (I've got 3!!) I think we all have a fear of getting cheated on at some point in life, usually in our teens when this is probably the most likely time it will happen, like it did with me. When I was your age I don't remember any help being available, believe it nor not I still went to the doctors with my mum at that age! How things have changed. There is so much help now Jessica, the best advice I can give you is to try & re-train your thought so they are more positive. When you worry about stuff, what's the likelihood that it really is going to happen? when you think to yourself "my boyfriend's going to cheat on me", don't just leave it there & worry about it, think again "my boyfriend's with his mates in the pub & I want him to have a good time". Visualise something normal in your mind like your boyfriend having a game of pool with his mate, & not your boyfriend with another girl!! You are at an age Jessica when everything is a worry & you'll be surprised how many girls think exactly the same way you do, everyone worries about death or their parents dying, a fear of being left alone, but you can & will control it in time. You could try counselling, or go & see your doctor who may prescribe you with some anti-depressants. Don't let it worry you Jessica, do something positive & I promise you, you'll feel much better knowing you have took that step to help yourself.

Good luck hun.

Les, xx

[jackie]

jessica you are not alone with all of your fears. there are few of us here who could not relate to most if not all of them

i just know you will feel less alone when you read many of our posts. there is a way out, we just need to find it

take care
jackie