I couldn't go through with it....

[bazwelsh]

:weep: I was due to go to Spain yesterday for a holiday that I was looking forward to. I had started taking Citalopram about 2 months ago as a preventative thing in advance as I get very anxious about flying. Everything was absolutely fine, no wobbles. I left work Tuesday evening as normal and I was fine til about 7.30pm when I became a little weepy. We were going to bed around 9pm to be up for 3am for the drive to the airport. At 8.30ish I was hit by the worst panic attack I've had in nearly 4 years. It was awful, I was crying out for someone to help me!! my son eventually settled me down. I took a diazepam which the doctors had given me as a 'back up' but I think it made me worse. We got to the airport and I saw the Thomson check in desk and freaked out :scared15: Suffice to say I couldn't even queue up to check in and we eventually went home.

I feel such a failure. I've never not gone on a flight even though I've been nervous and I feel so disappointed in myself and for my hubby who has, by the way, been brilliant under the circumstances.

I have a holiday booked next year to Majorca and now I think we'll have to cancel....

I hate these panic attacks. I just want to be like it was 4 1/2 years ago when I didn't even know what one was......

feeling very down and beating myself up quite badly....

Gaynor

[debs71]

Gaynor, I really feel for you and please don't beat yourself up about this as you are not alone.

I too had to cancel my holiday last month. I was due to go away Sep 13th, only a week after restarting Cipralex for anxiety and panic attacks and like you, I geared myself up the night before but when the day dawned I just could not follow through. My anxiety flared and I envisaged all kinds of panic on holiday and could not even see myself making the flight. I was so disappointed with myself and angry that my anxiety had made me do this, as like you, I have never not made a journey, though I have had panic attacks mid flight before, but coped.

Please, please try not to see this as a failure hun, just a glitch. You have made all your flights before, and keep those victories in your mind and not this blip. Remind yourself not of the thing you see as a failure, but of the things you HAVE done and ARE able to do. Don't even start to think about what may happen before your hol next year. Instead aim to go, and keep positive belief in mind that this is something you will beat by next year. I rebooked my holiday as I was luckily able to do this for November 5th and I am determined to go now, and doing everything in my power not to let it beat me, and I reckon from what you say you can too.

Keep your chin up hun,

Debs xx:hugs:

[LucyR]

Its a shame to miss out on your holiday, can you get a refund at all?

[jude uk]

Your already planning to fail for your next holiday but you dont know how you will feel by then......Now dont dwell on the holiday that you never went on because thats now in the past

Try and take a few positive points from this
1. You managed to drive to the airport with your husband
2. you managed to get into the airport
3. At one point you where willing to get on the plane and go on holiday

Now for me that is AMAZING and you have done so well, so dont let not going on that holiday get deep rooted and put you off from your next.
Think why you had the worst panic in 4 yrs?
Had there been a build up of different things leading up to?
You say your nervous before most flights and thats normal, so I feel the thought of being on the plane for a few hours got hold of you and your mind started to magnify this
One point to keep hold of is that panic attacks dont have a geographical hold on us. A panic attack will happen in the UK Spain USA or anywhere else...You know our mind suddenly thinks S**T!!!! I am out of my comfort zone, I am going to be stuck on a plane, I will feel trapped and then all the "what ifs" start to form in our mind.
This is a blip and thats all it is dont allow it to grow into a massive fear. I am sure you have overcome so much and come along way, so keep on that journey and take each steps as it comes:hugs:

[bazwelsh]

Thanks for your replies. I know it sounds silly but just to read that it has happened to someone else and so recently actually helped me to know i'm not alone.

My feelings have changed today to determination to conquer this cos I feel so bad for letting my hubby down and my family who are sooo disappointed for me. I'm going to see the doctor to come off my Citalopram cos I'm not convinced with them really.

I don't think the insurance will cover us because they will class it as a pre-existing condition and I was taking medication for it, even though it seemed controlled, I don't think they'll consider it. I might just as though as they can only say no.

Yes my holiday next year....well my son's really unhappy when we said we're likely to cancel it.... We don't have to pay the final balance until June next year. So what I'm thinking, after talking it through with hubby, is that we're going to take a short flight every other month or so to say, Ireland or Scotland and just go there with Ryanair as they go from our local airport, and then come back the day after so that I really throw myself into flying. As it only costs about £12:ohmy: it's not a huge amount to lose if I can't do it and my CBT therapist said that familiarity is the best thing.

So I'll keep you updated and let you know how I get on.

I really appreciate your replies.

Gaynor xx

[paula lynne]

Hi Gaynor....I watched (forced myself in the beginning) Airport...I think its on Sky somewhere....I familiarised myself with the airport comings and goings......watched about 20 programmes....helped me get on a plane from Cardiff to Edinburgh 2 years ago after 10 years of panic and agoraphobia. You can do it hun x:)

[ditzygirl]

Oh Gaynor how awful for you, but as the others have said this is just a little glitch. You can and will get better. Dont' worry about next years holiday just yet, its ages away and gives you plenty of time to work on horrid panic!!!!!! Believe me I understand I hate flying coz of panic.

Can you visit the airport a few times before your holiday? just getting used to the hussle and bussle might help?

Your wise to go to your GP, there may be another drug which suits you better although no antidepressant will stop anxiety completely but they will make it manageable.

Hang on in there sweetie and do keep us updatedx

[belgarion]

I used to be good with flights when I was younger, and then my panic attacks made me scared of the small space in a plane. I held back from holidays for a few years, even long drives, but didn't want to be held back anymore and just recently had a holiday in Dubai. It was a really good 7.5 hours flight. I knew the key for me would be distractions and so took more books, magazines, music with me plus knowing there were films on the flight, I could have kept myself busy for a month. I ended up not reading, watching 1 film and trying to get some sleep I was that relaxed!

You can and will fly again, and have a fantastic holiday with your family! :)

[Edward78]

........ I took a diazepam which the doctors had given me as a 'back up' but I think it made me worse........
Gaynor

Sorry to hear that you missed your holiday. Exactly the same thing happened to me this week I was supposed to go Holland with friends but I canceled at the last minute, so sad!

Regarding the diazepam, I read on this forum that people go to their doctors tell them about the panic etc, and the doctors prescribe them with 2mg of diazepam (same happened with me many years ago). The truth is although benzos are great for panic 2mg of diazepam is such a low dose its bearly enough to sedate a mouse, this prescription is really little more than a placebo (and yes sometimes placebos can work, but not always).

[richie.1k]

I to hate flying, and can only fly with a lot of help from diazepam :-). However i did see advertised on the internet somewhere , That for £150.00 you can do a fear of flying course. It last a day and at the end of it you take an hr flight. They have doctor go with you, and someone that specialises in panic attacks. They even give you a money back guarentee as they are that confident that they can cure your fear of flying. Their might even be a link from this NMP site somewhere? If not google search it. I panic about flying as soon as i book the tickets and usually only book a flight 1 or 2 weeks before i go as less time to panic. So im thinking of booking my self on one of these courses. Good luck and im sure you will be of on another holiday soon

Richie

[bighomer13]

hi i am sorry that this happened to you i was the same a few years ago when we had a holiday.

we left our home at 7am in the morning to get to southampton for an hour ferry crossing to the I.O.W. i couldnt even get on the ferry to get there!!!! this would of been our first hoilday as a family and i was so ashamed and gutted that i couldnt do it. i felt as though i left my family down from having a holiday for weeks afterwards i felt stupid for this and it still goes around in my mind evn till this day and this was back in 2006!!!

so i know what you were going through.

think happy thoughts and maybe they will help you. x

[bazwelsh]

Thanks everyone for your replies and encouragement.

I'd really like to conquer this as the alternatives are quite expensive compared to flying. My sister was talking to me at the weekend about when they went to Italy by coach, she suggested after 46 hours on a coach I'd soon be back on a plane! :-)

I'd like to try again soon, although it's obviously niggling me now whether it will happen again.....but I don't suppose I'll know til I try.

Thanks again
Gaynor