DanH
08-10-10, 05:28
Hey I really need some advice here.
I'm a 25 year old male, for 10+ years I've had issues with my nerves and people, even back at school I used to vomit regularlly in the mornings and often on the way to and at school, even worst though was the whole feeling (and occasionally) being unable to control my bowels. I basicly spent many years hardly leaving the house, I was forced to go onto JSA essentially as I believed and was pretty much told "its in your head".
As time went on I tried to do various courses and jobs, of course all of them ended badly due to me not always being able to make it or being so on edge and emotional that anything resulting conflict pretty much resulted in me crying my eyes out and having panic attacks, pride meant I couldn't go back to these places.
About 8 months ago I had a bit of a meltdown and had a pretty supportive person in the Job Center, she referred me to one of their disability advisors or whatever and after speaking to her she said that It might be a good idea to go to a doctor and talk about this, after doing that I was promptly signed off with Severe Anxiety / Agoraphobia, unfortunately this is pretty much as far as I've gotten.
Right now my condition hasn't improved, I met with a rather rude woman who assessed me for extra support she turned up 20 minutes late and basicly shouted at me for 30 mins after that saying "if you dont speak up I cant help you and your wasting my time", I stayed quiet and couldn't speak, eventually she recommended I go for some therapy. I was given 13 sessions of 1 hour a week, this was about 4 months ago... I've been to FIVE total at max, I dont think there has even been 3 that ran in a row without her taking a Holiday or a training day, yesterday after 4+ weeks of her being unavailable as I was getting ready to go and going through all my usual morning anxieties (including being sick and sitting on a toilet for 2 hours before I got ready) I get a call saying "no she can't make it today either" about an hour before Im due to leave. I got pissed off and said I was very unhappy that I wasn't getting the care I felt I needed and bah.
The only good thing to come from this is I was that low I spoke to my Dad for the first time In my life about my condition, hes going to call them tomorrow for me and try and get me a new therapist and start from scratch again.
I was just hoping that know some of you here have read my pretty simple recap you can advise me on what avenues of support I should be going down. Right now I'm living alone, I'm pretty much so low I don't clean, I don't know how to cook, my diet is terrible and I've got pretty much no support from family and friends (although this thing with my dad was really unexpected) and I feel I've had some awful experiences with some NHS staff.
My biggest worry is that things wont change, I have no self esteem, I mean damn, I've never even been able to earn a wage, its very hard (but I'm managing) to avoid thoughts of suicide and self harm, however I do worry a lot lately as I'm quite sure that statisticaly I fit the criteria.
Thanks for anyone who took the time to read all of this, if there are any questions or things that need clarifying please feel free to ask.
I'm a 25 year old male, for 10+ years I've had issues with my nerves and people, even back at school I used to vomit regularlly in the mornings and often on the way to and at school, even worst though was the whole feeling (and occasionally) being unable to control my bowels. I basicly spent many years hardly leaving the house, I was forced to go onto JSA essentially as I believed and was pretty much told "its in your head".
As time went on I tried to do various courses and jobs, of course all of them ended badly due to me not always being able to make it or being so on edge and emotional that anything resulting conflict pretty much resulted in me crying my eyes out and having panic attacks, pride meant I couldn't go back to these places.
About 8 months ago I had a bit of a meltdown and had a pretty supportive person in the Job Center, she referred me to one of their disability advisors or whatever and after speaking to her she said that It might be a good idea to go to a doctor and talk about this, after doing that I was promptly signed off with Severe Anxiety / Agoraphobia, unfortunately this is pretty much as far as I've gotten.
Right now my condition hasn't improved, I met with a rather rude woman who assessed me for extra support she turned up 20 minutes late and basicly shouted at me for 30 mins after that saying "if you dont speak up I cant help you and your wasting my time", I stayed quiet and couldn't speak, eventually she recommended I go for some therapy. I was given 13 sessions of 1 hour a week, this was about 4 months ago... I've been to FIVE total at max, I dont think there has even been 3 that ran in a row without her taking a Holiday or a training day, yesterday after 4+ weeks of her being unavailable as I was getting ready to go and going through all my usual morning anxieties (including being sick and sitting on a toilet for 2 hours before I got ready) I get a call saying "no she can't make it today either" about an hour before Im due to leave. I got pissed off and said I was very unhappy that I wasn't getting the care I felt I needed and bah.
The only good thing to come from this is I was that low I spoke to my Dad for the first time In my life about my condition, hes going to call them tomorrow for me and try and get me a new therapist and start from scratch again.
I was just hoping that know some of you here have read my pretty simple recap you can advise me on what avenues of support I should be going down. Right now I'm living alone, I'm pretty much so low I don't clean, I don't know how to cook, my diet is terrible and I've got pretty much no support from family and friends (although this thing with my dad was really unexpected) and I feel I've had some awful experiences with some NHS staff.
My biggest worry is that things wont change, I have no self esteem, I mean damn, I've never even been able to earn a wage, its very hard (but I'm managing) to avoid thoughts of suicide and self harm, however I do worry a lot lately as I'm quite sure that statisticaly I fit the criteria.
Thanks for anyone who took the time to read all of this, if there are any questions or things that need clarifying please feel free to ask.