OMG I think It's all happening again

[BarneyGumball]

hello,

In around 2008 I was put on Citalopram, beginning with 10mg and then up to 20mg.

I was having issues with work, home, family etc. and the Doc said I was depressed. The meds helped and I began to feel normal again (after a few weeks).

Then in Summer 2009 I decided that as I was starting a new job that I wanted to be 100% 'straight' again and weened myself off them.

Well now I am having small panic attacked, fits of bursting into tears, nausea, loose bowels and stabbing chest pains. As I am sitting here typing this my chest is tighening, stomach is shivering and I am welling up.

I know now that I need to get back on these damn drugs.

Since mid August, the family have had soimepretty rubbish happenings; Wife injured on holiday, Work issues for her and me, 20th anniversary of my father murder (yesterday), and today is my bloody birthday!

Today I had a panic atttack on the way to work, not a major league flip out, just a feeling of utter terror at coming into the office. But I managed it (or I wouldn't be typing now). Since I got in I realised this can't go on, it really can't. I am not suicidal. I am in complete terror of my life being anymore wrong than it is. Again I feel completely helpless and out of control.

I don't know what to do. Where to go. What to say.

I will be making a doctors appointment ASAP. I know now that I need to.

I feel so lost. So alone. So scared.

[skin]

I'm gonna start with the ending of your post... You may feel scared but you are actually brave! It really takes a lot of guts to deal with panic attacks, anxiety and depression. The fact that you had one and pushed through takes more courage than 90% of people have. Dealing with anxiety and worries each day is a brave thing, and don't let your mind tell you otherwise.
About being alone - come on! Not even taking into consideration your family, to which you can (I presume) always turn, this forum wouldn't exist if you were alone.
My psych told me that depression and anxiety these days (thinking about modern life and all it envolves) go hand in hand. It's like a cycle - if you're anxious at a certain intensity or for enough time, you get deppresed and if you get depressed, you certainly become anxious about it.

The meds helped you before and they will help you now - it's just a matter of time. Anyway, also try to keep in mind that we're not robots. What has been going on in your life seems pretty disturbing even to the most tough individual, so what you're feeling is normal... You would be trully crazy not to be sad/stressed/etc. about it.

Rooting for you from far away!

[paula lynne]

Youre not alone. we are all here for you. Im sorry your having a tough time of it, but never give up that you will get through it, many people do everyday. Keep going. I suspect you are far stronger than you think. x

[PoppyC]

Hi
Firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I realise you are not feeling great at the moment but I hope you manage to have a good a day as is possible, considering the circumstances.
I am sorry for all what you have been through.
I too am on Citalopram @ 40mg and I feel that the lower doses did nothing much for me. However if you were on 20mg, maybe you could go back to that dose again if it worked for you.
Do not feel bad that you may need Citalopram again.
A lot of people start feeling better on medication, come off it due to that, and then eventually crash again. It is renowned.
You have had a lot to deal with, so understandably are feeling as you are.
I will never come off medication if I can help it. I know that anxiety and all the rest, is just how I am due to the way I deal or rather cannot deal with issues, plus in my family depression and anxiety is hereditary. Why stop something that helps so much? I tell my counsellor this because she eventually wants me to come off it, but I know if I do it will not be long before I need to go back on medication.
Could you go back to your gp and explain how you are feeling again. Hopefully you will soon be feeling better.
:hugs:

[Inspires]

Happy Birthday...

I realise that right now you're feeling really poorly, but things will get better, slowly and surely.

You're not alone...

Take care,


Sue x :flowers:

[blueangel]

Also, if you do go and get on the medication again, look at trying to treat the causes as well. The medication is great for making yourself feel stable, but then you have to deal with the cause. I've only ever been partially successful at this, which is why it keeps coming back. Until I nail the cause, I will never truly feel better, and all the medication in the world won't help in the end. That's why I've taken the decision to only use medication as a last-ditch measure - but it's not easy when you're having a bad day/week/month!

[BarneyGumball]

Ok Thank you one and all.

I asked my manager for a meeting to discuss the problems from the office. And we did talk. Well he talked and then the HR guy talked and I remain in shock with news I am now without a job!

Happy Birthday to me!

[Natural Mystic]

You do feel alone when you suffer from anxiety, because people can't see it ... or understand it. It doesn't matter how many people you know you have that love you, you are alone with these "panics" inside, it's awful.

However, you know you manged to be "better" once, you can do it again. That's what I tell myself

[PoppyC]

Hi
What happened??? You are now without a job???? :scared15:

[BarneyGumball]

Yeah I am without a job. :(

My union got involved and they get a solicitor involved too. More hassle.

Now I have find a new job and all the stress associated with it. Today is the first day (8 days later) that I feel ill over it. Woke with a severe headache, stomache sicky and exhausted.

[blueangel]

Hi Barney

Glad to hear that you have got a union to help out, as they will be able to provide legal support. In the meantime, make sure that you keep any paperwork that your old employer gives, particularly the letter which states that you no longer have a job.

Have they given you a reason for dismissing you?
Have you been employed with them for more than 12 months?

You can't file claims for unfair dismissal if you've been employed for less than 12 months, by the way.

However, they do have to give you a reason for ending your contract, and normally if you are being dismissed on the spot, the only ones which are even half-valid are if they are summarily dismissing you for an allegation like fraud (which would be gross misconduct), or if they were making you redundant AND giving you pay in lieu of a notice period.

I'm sure your union will be able to help you out though - if you need an extra hand, drop me a PM, as I'm a trade union official where I work.

Do keep us posted.