Smoking, feeling really down

[Jenny85]

I've been back and forward here a few times, mostly with the same old rants and worries, but have really appreciated everyone's wise words.

Basically, my anxiety stems from the fact that I can't stop smoking. I've tried a few times, but the anxiety has always overcome me and I've gone back to the smoking. I just can't stand the nausea, mostly.

Right now I'm feeling pretty depressed because I just keep failing. I just got engaged to my boyfriend, whom I love dearly. What should have been the happiest day of my life I now remember as a sad one. He had given me the ring and I was overjoyed, we were in Paris, and I had gone a few days without smoking. But then, the little worry about wanting to smoke crept up, and I spent that day feeling terribly anxious. We went to a beautiful restaurant and I couldn't eat much, and vomited the next day. I feel like scum for behaving like that on what should have been a perfect day.

I realise that right now, I just need to smoke, but what I've been worried about lately is the fact that we'll be thinking about having a baby in the next few years. I definitely, definitely want to - have to - stop smoking while pregnant, but am thoroughly depressed about the fact that I think I won't be capable of doing it. If I can't do it for my fiance, for my family now, how will I be able to do it for my baby? I just can't stand this. I thought about trying hypnosis, but will probably be even more down if it doesn't work. I know we've got a few years to go, but right now I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Sorry for the rant.

[Inspires]

Hi honey, rant away...that's fine.

My son is trying to stop smoking, and he's tried different methods of giving up.

He's now doing really well on nicotine gum. Although not completely stopped, he is at a point where he doesn't need a ciggie in new or difficult situations.

Congratulations on your engagement. What a wonderful boyfriend - can I borrow him for a bit? :winks: Seriously, don't be so hard on yourself, try concentrating on the here and now...living in the moment...things will happen in their own good time.

Good luck, and I wish you every happiness...


Sue x :flowers:

[Jenny85]

Thanks for your reply, Sue...and congratulations to your son! He's doing a great thing, and you must be so proud.

I know you're right in saying I should take it one thing at a time...I've obviously got years before I'll be getting pregnant, and things (hopefully) might be a liitle different then. Hope you are well today, take care. x

[skin]

I posted this in another thread about smoking. My psych advised me to not stop smoking until I get a firm grip on my anxiety/depression problems. He said that stopping it can make them worse and throw me into a vicious cycle. Ofcourse, I'm not giving you any advice, I'm merely telling you what I heard from him when I asked if it would be ok for me to start and try quitting (because I received Ativan, wich I read is used to treat nicotine withdrawal symptoms).

[paula lynne]

I agree with skin. You give yourself a much better chance of quitting for good once youve a firm grip on your panic and anxiety. You give yourself the best chance of quitting for life then.....good luck...dont give up xx:winks:

[ems43]

i once tried to quit whilst still in the midst of anxiety/ depression and it was really very hard. be kind to yourself and recognise that that quitting smoking is one of the hardest things to do anyway let alone when coping with emotional health problems. and im sure you will do it when the time is right, my dad smoked for 60 years and has just quit after being told he had to for health reasons. he used the allen carr books/ clinic, might be worth looking into . but most importantly be kind to yourself and if you can;t do it now, then don;t. i say this as a usual 20 a day smoker who is currently smoking about 40 due to my own mental health problems... really is disgusting but is my crutch right now !!xxxx

[Jenny85]

Thanks for your replies, both...
I do agree that it's better to get a grip on the anxiety before quitting, but I just wonder when hat's going to be. I sometimes think I'm doing really well, and am ready to stop, but when I do try to stop, it triggers another episode and I'm back to square one.

I've been seeing a behavioural therapist these past few months, which has helped at times, but obviously I just need to be engaging with it a bit more. I've tried the coping statements and breathing exercises and thought records, but maybe just need to try a bit harder. I've wanted to stop smoking for ages, and used to feel really great and empowered when I went without it for a while - I used to go 3 days a week without it, and not find myself thinking about it too much at all. Smoking just wasn't an option, and I could tell myself that. I wish I could just get back to thinking like that, but the non-smoking days I used to treasure are ow a source of fear.

Sorry, I hope everyone's well today, and thank you for your replies.

[Jenny85]

...and hang in there, Ems...smoking might be disgusting, but that's no reflection on you. It's the smoking, not the smoker that's the problem. You're not a bad person for doing it. x

[Nigel]

Hi Jenny,

“Right now I'm feeling pretty depressed because I just keep failing.”

Well right now you can stop doing that :winks:

Failing is what a person does when they give up trying.
You’re just ‘not succeeding’ at giving up at the moment, that’s all :)

One thing that makes it hard to give up is that a person ‘associates’ smoking with something good. Perhaps the time they started was accompanied by some happy memories, or maybe it helped them cope with a stressful situation. They say the physical effects of nicotine mostly leave the body in the first few weeks, but those subconscious positive associations can last for months... or years.

“I thought about trying hypnosis, but will probably be even more down if it doesn't work.”

Be a little more positive about it :winks:

When a person really gets behind and idea they stand a much better chance of pulling it off. And when you ‘believe’ something will help and ‘expect’ something will make a positive difference, it’s far more likely to happen.

You might be interested to read the information about this Stop Smoking self help programme (http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/quit-smoking/smoking?1388). Whether you decide to try it, or see a hypnotherapist in person, or try something entirely different, I think the introduction is very informative. Understanding more about a problem makes whatever you do try far more likely to succeed.

Good luck with it :)
Nigel

[Jenny85]

..just wanted to say thanks, Nigel. What a kind, supportive post. It's actually made me feel a lot better. I'll keep your words in mind when I'm feeling awful. Hope you're having a good day. x

[sharon35]

OMG!!! when i started reading your post i couldnt beleive what i was reading.
I gave up smoking in Jan this year was doing really well then went on hols with my bf and got engaged in june! and started smoking again and beat myself up about it so much it made me sick and i started to have panic attacks.
Im still smoking now and i want to give up too because we are trying for a baby.

How strange your post sounds so much like me its as if i wrote it.

Good luck with the non smoking you will get there when you are ready, think about your health first. (Thats what im trying to do).

Take care and let me know how you get on.

Sharon,xx

[sharon35]

What did i just write " think about your health first" lol
Sorry that was meant to say try not to worry about the smoking to much at the moment and do one thing at a time.:)

[Jenny85]

Hi Sharon,

Sounds like you know exactly how I feel! It's a horrible feeling, isn't it? You end up feeling so guilty because you think if I can't do this now, when will I ever be able to do it. But I know we can do it, and we will...it probably won't be today or tomorrow, but there is light at the end of that tunnel.

I'm just trying to get back to a place where I don't obsess over smoking so much. I get frightened because I've got a weird, tingly, sometimes painful feeling in my upper back which I'm worried is smoking-related. And I'm scared to go to the doctor in case she tells me I have to stop flat out.

But I do remember times when I went for days without smoking and barely thought about it, and used to look at people smoking and feel fine with the fact that I wasn't doing it. I felt good, in fact! So I know it's not impossible.

And if you quit for so long before, it means you can do it again! I think it's just a case of getting yourself back to a decent, more relaxed state. How did you go about quitting first time, was it just cold turkey?

Hope you're having a good day. x

[Nigel]

Hi Jenny,

“..just wanted to say thanks, Nigel. What a kind, supportive post.”

Glad it helped :)

One thing to remember is that your mind now knows how to give up, so it doesn’t need to learn that again. And another thing is that so many unhelpful habits develop as a ‘coping strategy’, and you mentioned that anxiety has been a trigger for restarting.

Sometimes it’s more effective to look at the cause of a problem rather than the symptoms. The things that cause anxiety and finding better ways of dealing with them. You see, everyone needs a way to cope, and it doesn’t help to take away that coping strategy without finding a better replacement. Failing that, the old way of coping eventually returns, or a new way is found – and sometimes that’s even more unhelpful than the original one :doh:

Take care,
Nigel

[clanshankly]

Hi

I used to find that smoking made my health anxiety and panic attacks worse, because with every fag I would worry was that the 'one' that would start the cancer, what would my kids think (I was a secret smoker!!), why was I so weak, how would I tell my family I was dying from something that I should be able to stop etc etc

What I found was that bizarrely, when I finally managed to give up, my anxiety and panic got better. The method I used was the Allen Carr EasyWay method, and with this I experienced no side effects to giving up at all - just pleasure that I was finally free from something that was making my life a misery. Just made me wonder what on earth had taken me so long!

My panic didn't disappear altogether - I still have other issues, but it was a total relief and joy to be free of the health anxiety associated with smoking.

Good luck - you will do it eventually - just keep on trying!

[sketchyboots]

Hi - I can SO relate to your problem. The thing is, you will only give up when you really WANT to yourself or HAVE to ie) if you get pregnant! There will never be a right time otherwise. One thing you could try is joining a stop-smoking forum, a site a bit like this one but totally devoted to giving up the fags. I joined one and found it really helpful. I am still smoking however because like you, there never seems to be an anxiety free time to do it! One thing you could try which is a bit gruesome, but very effective is looking up smoking horror stories about all the horrible things smoking does to our bodies. A word of warning though, you might get very anxious if you do look up such stories, but it sure is an effective way to make you think twice about lighting up. I SO understand your struggle. Have you tried Nicotine Replacement Therapy such as patches, gum, mints etc - they are helpful in taking away the withdrawal symptoms of nicotine whilst getting used to not smoking initially. I am very bad and actually have one or two fags whilst wearing a nicotine patch (not a good idea!) but hey, that's the power of the addiction. I too start to feel sick without cigarettes, it's very strange but apparantly one of the reasons is it's because your body is taking in more oxygen when you stop smoking and that can make you feel weird. If you go and see a Smoking Cessation Nurse at your Doctor's, they will do a breathaliser test thing to measure the amount of Carbon Monoxide you have in your body. That can be quite a shock too. I managed to get down to 5 fags a day from 20 and my carbon monoxide reading went right down which was a great feeling. Anyway, try joining a forum and logging on regularly, it will really help I hope. Good luck, you are not alone in this!

[Jenny85]

Thanks everyone for your kind and supportive words, it means a lot to me.

Nigel, I know you're right about not taking away the coping strategy until I've addressed the source of the problem...I've been trying to address that in my behavioural therapy, but it's not easy. I need to figure way out of what to do when the coping strategy itself is the cause of the anxiety! Round and round we go...but I'll get there.

A huge well done to you, Clanshankly, for giving up! You should be really proud of yourself, and deserve to feel great about it. I've got Allen Carr's book in my drawer...must admit I've been too scared to read it, but it's there nonetheless!

And Sketcysam, congratulations to you too for cutting down so much...I know that's not easy, but to see the carbon reading fall should make you very proud. Thanks for all your support and helpful advice, and keep on going!

I hope everyone's having a good day, and thank you again. Take care, xxx

[Jenny85]

Hope everyone's well today...

I was feeling really anxious this morning...have managed to cut down to smoking half-cigarettes, but smoked a whole one just because I felt like I needed it. Then afterwards I realised the guilt just wasn't worth it...it's a matter of having a little more sticking power, I guess. But even though I smoked that whole one, I'm going to cut out one later in the day, so it's not all bad. Was worried the feelings would get me during my wee sister's birthday party last night, and I'd be begging folk for a cigarette (I don't keep them in the house anymore) but I never did, so that's something.

I hope everybody is alright today, and thanks for your support over this past wee while. x