ByThePowerOfGreyskul
11-10-10, 19:28
sorry folks for coming in when I am feeling down, but I am not sure where eles I can get this down.
My anxiety seems to be so up and down, It just knocks me, I think part of it is tht we have just had a lovely weekend and it lulls me into a false sense of reality. Today I have turned back into a paranoid android, my sister cancelled lunch yesterday because she is poorly and I am totally determined she is fine and just doesn't want to spend time with me, a friend cancelled this afternoon and this just confirms the feelings of crapness about myself, I have sat and paniced for the afternoon about not going to pick up ds (he is on a playdate) because it will give the other mums chance to talk about me whilst I am not there
I have been putting on weight and have convinced myself that I have earlys tage liver failure and gall bladder problems. It has been 3 days since I saw my therapist and have a clear feeling that the phone is goign to ring and she is going to tell me she doesn't want to see me anymore,
I just want to get into bed and cry myself to sleep. I want to be the sort of person people want to be friends with, I want to be a good wife and mummy, I want to like who I am.
Dh is bathing the kids and I knwo he doesn't totally mind but I also know that he wishes I was a bit more here, and engaged with our lives but I just can't, I know I will mess it up.
And here we are again, I am dropping in telling a load of strangers how crap I am, I havent read through the thread, I am being self indulgent and moaning hoping that you will put up with it so I can get it out.
My anxiety seems to be so up and down, It just knocks me, I think part of it is tht we have just had a lovely weekend and it lulls me into a false sense of reality. Today I have turned back into a paranoid android, my sister cancelled lunch yesterday because she is poorly and I am totally determined she is fine and just doesn't want to spend time with me, a friend cancelled this afternoon and this just confirms the feelings of crapness about myself, I have sat and paniced for the afternoon about not going to pick up ds (he is on a playdate) because it will give the other mums chance to talk about me whilst I am not there
I have been putting on weight and have convinced myself that I have earlys tage liver failure and gall bladder problems. It has been 3 days since I saw my therapist and have a clear feeling that the phone is goign to ring and she is going to tell me she doesn't want to see me anymore,
I just want to get into bed and cry myself to sleep. I want to be the sort of person people want to be friends with, I want to be a good wife and mummy, I want to like who I am.
Dh is bathing the kids and I knwo he doesn't totally mind but I also know that he wishes I was a bit more here, and engaged with our lives but I just can't, I know I will mess it up.
And here we are again, I am dropping in telling a load of strangers how crap I am, I havent read through the thread, I am being self indulgent and moaning hoping that you will put up with it so I can get it out.