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tonkaboy
13-10-10, 11:30
Hi everyone,

I've not been on here for a few years, it's funny but when things are on the up and up, you don't feel the need. Anyway, after recovering from my last bout of anx, which was brought on by overwork mainly, I've only gone and done it again!!

I've been off the ADs for nearly two years and everything was going swimmingly but since Easter, I've been leading a major effort at work and it's been under enormous pressure and timescales. Being the driven person I am, I hate to not achieve even when the timescales and workload are unrealistic. Ergo, I always give it 110%. Towards the end of August, the old feelings of being wound up like an over wound spring started to come back. No probs I thought, I can handle this, now where's the next job in the queue. Over the last couple of weeks, it's dawned on me that I'm in big trouble again and I sit here this morning off work after a very stressful and restless night. I didn't want to come away from work as you feel like a failure but this time around, I thought best to acknowledge defeat before I dig an even bigger hole for myself. To make it worse, my wife is expecting our second child in a month or so, so I feel like a complete bag of manure for having to own up to my situation. It's causing her major stress now.

I try to remind myself that I'm not a failure and the reason I get into this mess is because I care deeply about my family and my work - I love my work, it's exciting and demanding but it does come at a price sometimes. Right now, I'm wishing I'd accepted less performance and more peace of mind.

Anyway, just wanted to get it off my chest this morning. I see my GP tomorrow and see what he says. I suspect I'll be signed off for a fortnight. I'd like to avoid going back on the ADs if possible as the side effects really knock me for 6 for about a month. I understand what anxiety is and how it operates but that doesn't disarm it for me. I guess it's a matter of reducing stress levels, getting some rest and relaxation and being patient.

Cheers

Andy

joannap
13-10-10, 11:47
hi andy

i have worked out that this happens to me - i let stress build up until my body things - right - i cannot handle this anymore and lo and behold - i have a major wobble. like you say - time/rest and patience and also the need to remember to keep yourself in check when you feel great. i am generally the sort of person who finds it hard to relax etc - i am always "up" - always doing something and so i don;t know why i am really surprised when i burn out lol!

you will be fine xx

tonkaboy
13-10-10, 11:53
You could be describing me!!

joannap
13-10-10, 12:00
lol!!!

and do you know - every time i have a wobble - i think - i cannot believe i am back here and i cannot believe how i have let it build up again!!!!

i am going through a setback right now - i cannot believe how AWFUL the anxiety feels and was in tears at the w/end. i am coming off 5mg of citalopram because like you - i don't feel drugs are the long term answer so have got a short course of beta blockers to help block the adrenalin! perhaps you could get the same?

the thing is - i KNOW i have exhausted myself and my nervous system is tired and i am really trying to accept this but i find myself panicking about feeling anxious/panicked so i know how you feel x

joannap
13-10-10, 12:02
ps - i felt a little brighter last night and what did i do? instead of relaxing - i found myself on the computer and then had washing up to do/bath to get etc and so found myself rushing about getting stressed - i got so cross with myslef - half of the battle is dealing with the own stress you put on yourself!

tonkaboy
13-10-10, 12:43
Cheers for the thoughts, you are so right.

When I'm feeling good, there aren't enough hours in the day to do my job, spend time with the family and pursue my hobbies (following a famous old North West Coca Cola Championship football club and flying radio controlled model aircraft - neither of which are exactly relaxing!!).

When I'm feeling bad, the days seem very long and I have no enthusiasm for chasing around.

I too get anoyed with myself for being dumb - it's not rocket science is it?

Still, onwards and upwards hopefully.

Natural Mystic
13-10-10, 13:32
Hey They do say this only happens to the strong.. We push ourselves to far and expect too much of ourslves

Goood luck
How very apt because I am well known in my social circle and family as being the strong one/the coper. I am also a deep person and thinker

joannap
13-10-10, 15:20
yes - over thinking definitely a big one for me! i realised today that all the thinking i do - most of it is pretty pointless - it doesn't actually change what i am physically doing on a day to day basis and so trying to get more into action and out of my head!

tonkaboy
15-10-10, 16:52
Hmm, a difficult day. I woke up feeling panicy - I had an Indian meal last night - does anyone else find spicy food makes them anxious the next day.

Anyway, I drove out to the countryside for a walk feeling pretty rubbish but after half an hour or so, I felt the tension just lift and I was walking in the rain with a big grin on my face. I got back to the car but as soon as I started driving, I felt the anx blasting again. Having got home, I'm feeling confused - from feeling elated at lunchtime, I'm now worrying about what's going to happen next. I really thought I'd beaten the whole anxiety thing 4 years ago but at the moment, I feel like I'm sinking back into that horrible pit. I starting to dread what tomorrow will bring.

I'm so disappointed because I thought I would never feel like this again. The memories are suddenly very fresh again and I'm frightened - the anx just feeds off that doesn't it?.

I just felt like blowing off steam. Hopefully this post stikes a chord with a few other people.

Cheers

Andy