Why Am I Like This When People Are Mad/Upset?

[miniholly]

i don't know what it is but, all day i worry about people close to me being in bad moods, and recently my boyfriend's in a bad mood (stuff to do with money) and i feel all shaky and like i'm about to cry, it happens quite a lot when people are like this.
im not sure why i do this, can anyone think why this happens? it makes me feel horrible :( xx

[paula lynne]

Hi hun, youre obviously a lovely person who is over-sensative to others moods x

Try to concentrate on yourself....nothing we can do will ever how they feel, we can only change how we feel. x

Can I suggest a walk, bath, chat with a friend, read...take your mind off it...sometimes a change of scenery is great xxx:)

[jude uk]

many people with anxiety can take on the feelings of others and become over sensative. They can think "oh how can I sort this or it must be my fault" but in truth we cant do a lot about how others feel if they are in a bad mood or having problems other than try and talk to them. I think its time to think about your feelings and let others deal with theirs

[Nigel]

Hi miniholly,

Hmm... Stuff to do with money...
Now that IS something to be in a bad mood about :curse:

But seriously, I don’t know why but some people do seem to be more sensitive to the moods of others. I had a friend who was very depressed and she said whenever I was being grumpy or fed up it made her depression worse. Even when I kept it all to myself she could still tell I was walking around under a big black cloud.

As Paula says – we can’t control what another person does but we can control the way we react to it.

Take care :)
Nigel

[Spagetti]

Hi Miniholly,

Youre not the only one to react like this. People can create atmospheres (whether they mean to or not) and others will pick up on them. I find being an anxiety sufferer myself that I will tend to react to them worse that others. I think it is a case of being highly sensitised. x

[Spagetti]

Yes Dahlia, I do that as well x

[miniholly]

thanks for the responses everyone :)
i think that i have a bit of an underlying fear that the person is mad at me instead of something else as when people are in a bad mood they just give out short answers and it makes me paranoid that i've done something to upset them.
thanks again everyone :)

[opiateyes]

Hey, I know that when people are in a bad mood and or shouting I feel very anxious. I think it's because it reminds me of bad experiences in childhood.

Anxious people generally are very susceptible to the moods of others, it's very normal, so don't worry you are not alone.

[Nykara]

Just a thought - but do you somehow feel that they might be in a bad mood with you? (Despite the fact they are not). I do this - I personalise people's moods and think I must be doing something wrong or have upset them. Then I get upset and anxious.

Dahlia

That is exactly what I do!

If someone around me is angry or mad about something and they speak towards me in a raised voice because they are angry it automatically makes me feel as small as a mouse and very bad like they are blaming me for it.

[trooper]

Hi Miniholly,

As most people have already said, its quite normal. Its a double edge sword that many people that have anxiety (and I include myself in this) either are very sensitive or develop high sensitivity to other peoples moods. This is a skill and an attribute, it can make you a fantastic therapist and can really help in business and friendships. Being aware of what is going on for other people and adjust your behaviour accordingly. In fact its one of my core skills in my ability to be good in business and negotiating.

The double edge of the sword is that it also means you pick up other peoples moods to the point that it can feel like your own. It is like you become very quickly in rapport with people.

Have you ever been in a room, maybe down, or maybe just not feeling much. And someone bursts in full of beens, excited, cracking jokes on top of the world, or after some great news. And it brings you up to their level? If you have, it stands to reason it works in the reverse.

The challenge for you is to start to put in place boundaries and be aware of when you feel these feelings around other people. The boundaries are to protect your own centred-ness (if thats a word) and not allow others feelings to overwhelm you. I have learnt to do this through the therapy I have had, I still struggle with it, but I'm getting better.

I have really learnt it in work, I sit opp my business partner / boss. He gets really stressy and moody. And I ALWAYS thought it was because I wasn't performing, had done something wrong. I would think through all the things it could have been. I would sit their being stressed and feeling pissed off, even annoyed with him for not being straight with me. And I would have to check in with him all the time to see why he was pissed off. It was never or rarely anything to do with me. Yet I would always get upset when he sat there huffing under his breath passive aggressively and feel the need to try and sort out his problems as well as my own so I could stop feeling his stress.

After a year of therapy I can now sit there and allow him to be annoyed, stressed and huffy, whilst getting on with my own work. Occasionally I might ask him what's up, even offer to help but I do it reminding myself that those are his issues not mine and I do it as a friend not because I am responsible.

The above was a great opportunity for me to see how I pick up other peoples emotions and interpret them as my own or pointed at me, when most of the time they were neither.

For me personally it was also about paying too much mind to people outside of myself and not enough time taking care of myself. Trying to take my awareness back towards keeping my own centre and calmness and not paying as much attention to others and what they might think of me.

It is more difficult with a partner or a family member I grant you. But in therapy these difficult relationships are great training grounds, so you could look at them that way.

I can't really explain in words how you put in place boundaries, but you can start by mentally questioning and qualifying your feelings? Are they yours? Are they appropriate to the situation? Its hard to apply logic to feelings, especially when they are over powering I know, but over time you can take control.

Hope that helps a little..

Best of Luck, Tropper.

[daybyday]

It is sensitivity to others, internalizing their moods, and trying to make sure everything is ok, so you feel ok. Been there, done that myself.