anxiety and parenthood...

[sugarplums]

hi guys im fairly new on here, i only joined a couple of days ago..
I have anxiety and agoraphobia which ive had on and off for years, i have 3 amazing kids who are very understanding and patient with me.
I was just wondering if there are any other mums or dads out there that struggle with anxiety and parenthood, because i am struggling doing the school runs in the mornings, because of dizziness and anxiety and things like school events are difficult for me too, and then you feel guilty for missing the odd event and feel like a crap parent , and just wondered if anyone else struggles with these kind of issues? Some days are okay but the dizzy anxious days are flipping awful and by the time ive taken the kids to school and come home... I feel as though ive done some kinda marathon lol, cos it takes so much mental concentation to focus on walking whilst feeling like the floor is moving etc and when i walk its sometimes like a sinking dizzy feeling, so i come home exhausted lol. I think the school runs are worse cos its something i have to do... day in, day out twice a day !! And all the expectations that come along with it....
thanks for listening ,
Annette xx

[sammi]

I feel the same hun takin my little girl to nursery and pick ing her up again is a real struggle for me. Some days I feel like not taking her cos it feels to much of an effert then I feel like a bad mum for feeling like this. X

[willitstop]

I could have written your post myself :(
i understand exactly what your feeling its so heartbreaking.
its gotten to the point that i cant do the school runs as im so scared of having a panic attack that i just avoid going, im lucky to have a wonderfull supporting husband husband that helps with all that.
you are not alone hun but you can get better with the right help. xx

[caz1625]

You are not alone.............I managed to take my 2 boys to and from school but was never able to attend parents night, xmas plays etc. I used to feel so guilty but their dad or their gran always went instead of me.

My 2 are now 24 and 18 and both say it didn't bother them. They have never known me any other way so it was just normal to them. I am proud to say they have both grown into fine young men and we have a great relationship.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

Carol xx

[sugarplums]

aww thanks for the replies sammi and willitstop, it's just such a dreadful feeling isnt it, last year i had to keep the kids off school on the odd day of bad anxiety and dizziness , because i was feeling too dizzy to take them. then the school wrote to me saying about the lack of attendance, i explained to the school the problems i was facing getting my kids to school but they werent that helpful and they just didnt recommend anything for the odd days i feel like this.
Im a single mum and my family are completely useless im afraid to say , my children are amazing and i love them dearly but i feel they miss out on so much when im feeling like this. I used to take them to swimming and dancing lessons but i had to stop this because i couldnt guarntee each week i would feel up to taking them there.. I have a few good friends but even they dont understand my issues and maybe because im a bubbly person that kinda hides the anxiety i feel.
Ive let the kids join local clubs rather than having to travel into town each week for a club.
For the past 3 terms the kids attendance at school has gone back to normal thankgoodness and im trying to stay focused on getting them to school each day but i wish the anxiety would go , i look at other mums at the school and wish i felt as carefree as them. I dont know why some people seem to just sail through life when i just find it a struggle ,
Some days the anxiety goes and i try and make the most of it on those days and take the kids into town, the cinema or swimming , but every now and again i seem to have a relapse, thank you so much for your replies , i hope we all have a speedy recovery xxxxx

[sugarplums]

hi carol, thanks for your reply, that is so reassuring and encouraging to hear your story and how your two boys said it didnt really bother them about being there for xmas plays ,etc and how you say theyve turned into lovely young men and how you have a good relationship with them.
I guess we can only do our best and as long as the kids know we love and cherish them ..that's the main thing. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences xxxxx

[mandie]

Hi

I totally understand your post.

My anxiety is quite bad again and i really struggle with the school playground when picking up my child.

My worst anx symptom is the liteheaded feeling which really makes me panic, esp when i am out.

I absolutely dread any assemblys etc at the school because i hate sitting in the crowded hall, gets me so panicky.

Im a single parent also and sometimes i feel i let my daughter down because i cant always do the things i want to do with her.

love mandie xx

[sugarplums]

hi mandie, thankyou for your reply, yes thats how it starts with me too, feeling all lightheaded and then that starts to make me feel all panicky ...then i just wanna go home as quickly as possible
Yep the assemblys can be a nightmare.
Ive missed a few cos the anxiety was so bad and then i end up feeling guilty about it because i really wanted to go but the anxiety just gets overwhelming.
I've had to get used to the fact that sometimes i can do it, and theres other times i cant.
I think what carol said is true, the kids actually dont mind as much as we do !
We can only do our best,
Hope to keep in touch
Annette xx

Ps sorry for the long delay of replying back...ive tried messaging back a few times now but ive got problems with my internet at the moment. xx

[mandie]

Hi Annette - thats quite ok lol

Iv sent you a pm

love mandie xx

[eloise14]

me too guys, two beautiful children 1 and 5 and it is all so hard keeping a brave face on, and my little one(5) is picking up on it asking why i cry on the phone to daddy although i try so hard to keep it away from him. i get constant dizziness and tinitus and flickery eyes and a horrible trembling feeling inside does anyone else get this.?? at the end of the day we are helping each other in a way we are battling on for our children and itis because of our children we battle on, heads up guys we can get there XXXXXXX

[jen1983]

Yeah i know exactly how you feel...... my daughters are 2.5 and 16 months old, i just wish i could wake up in the morning without having that dread feeling inside which lasts all day long, constant on edge feeling, i just really dont know whats causing this its horrible........

I agree keep doing what we are doing and we will get there eventually, ive done it before so i can do it again !

xxx

[sugarplums]

me too guys, two beautiful children 1 and 5 and it is all so hard keeping a brave face on, and my little one(5) is picking up on it asking why i cry on the phone to daddy although i try so hard to keep it away from him. i get constant dizziness and tinitus and flickery eyes and a horrible trembling feeling inside does anyone else get this.?? at the end of the day we are helping each other in a way we are battling on for our children and itis because of our children we battle on, heads up guys we can get there XXXXXXX

Hi there elouise14,
yep i agree it is really hard to put on a brave face , the combination of motherhood and anxiety can be really tough.
i im like you, i get the same constant dizziness and lightheadedness and slight tinitus, occasionally had vertigo which is dreadful.
it is a nightmare some days to get through with the dizziness and lightheaedness. yes i get the same trembling feeling on the inside too sometimes.
theres loads of things i would love to do with the kids yet cant because of the dizzy feeling. or some days are okay but its hard to be consistant with anything because i never know when il feel dizzy so i cant plan anything in advance, most of our activities has to be done on impulse, and i have to make the most of dizzy free days and take the kids out to the places they want to go like the park, town, the cinema, swimming etc ,
i just hate that this dizziness and anxiety restricts not only my life but also the kids lives too.

i had an mri scan about 2 years ago which came back normal but i was told from e.n.t i had viral labyrinthitus (inner ear problem) that would clear up in time. but the dizziness and anxiety disorder started when i was in my late teens , im now 31.. though i was always pretty anxious as a young child too but it was managable until my late teens.
i have experienced alot of trauma in my life and so im not sure if its that causing the dizziness like some post traumatic stress thing , my mind wonders to all kind of options if its diet related, not getting enough vitamins.. , is it inner ear causing it, is it post traumatic stress , etc.
yes we certainly do battle on for our kids and do our best and you are right what you say "heads up held high cos we will get there"..
i used to feel awful of crying infront of the kids and i told this to one of the nursery teachers and she said its okay to cry infront of your kids from time to time , it shows them that we are also human and it teaches them to express their feelings , kids dont remember the odd crying session, as long as we're not crying all day every day. the good times outway the bad times so we need to say to ourselves "i am doing my best, and it's okay to not be wonderwoman " haha...

keep in touch
warm wishes
Annette xxxx

[sugarplums]

Yeah i know exactly how you feel...... my daughters are 2.5 and 16 months old, i just wish i could wake up in the morning without having that dread feeling inside which lasts all day long, constant on edge feeling, i just really dont know whats causing this its horrible........

I agree keep doing what we are doing and we will get there eventually, ive done it before so i can do it again !

xxx
hiya Jen, yep the mornings are just the worst with that dreaded feeling of feeling on edge..
yes we will get through it, sometimes just going with the flow of it helps more than trying to shrug the feeling off
keep in touch hun
Annette xxxx

[zoe121]

hi Annette, i know where you are coming from i look at people everyday and think i wish i could go back to being like that just get on with day to day life without worrying, i am afraid guys its one of them things we have to face head on whats the worse that could happen ? you crap yourself and say to your self oh my god i am going to look stupid and have a panic attack noone no apart from us that is going to happen ...so when you feel it coming take a few seconds and in your head tell it to go away...i had one starting this morning and i did this i wont say it worked straight off but it did after a few mins...if we all give in to painic attacks we would never do anything and i am dam sure i will fight mine all the way! i dont mean to sound so blunt but i 100% get so annoyed with these's bloody panic attacks i dont mean to sound rude i get everything from butter flys in my tummy to dizzyness and shaky hands and i just feel odd. we have to look at this has a blip in our life it will pass in time but its no good sitting there thinking about them 24/7 that will do no good at all try and get on with things as best as you can...i hope everyone feels better soon x

[sugarplums]

hi Annette, i know where you are coming from i look at people everyday and think i wish i could go back to being like that just get on with day to day life without worrying, i am afraid guys its one of them things we have to face head on whats the worse that could happen ? you crap yourself and say to your self oh my god i am going to look stupid and have a panic attack noone no apart from us that is going to happen ...so when you feel it coming take a few seconds and in your head tell it to go away...i had one starting this morning and i did this i wont say it worked straight off but it did after a few mins...if we all give in to painic attacks we would never do anything and i am dam sure i will fight mine all the way! i dont mean to sound so blunt but i 100% get so annoyed with these's bloody panic attacks i dont mean to sound rude i get everything from butter flys in my tummy to dizzyness and shaky hands and i just feel odd. we have to look at this has a blip in our life it will pass in time but its no good sitting there thinking about them 24/7 that will do no good at all try and get on with things as best as you can...i hope everyone feels better soon x

hiya Zoe, yeah i understand what your saying , i know its no good to think about it all day long, and we shouldnt let anxiety take its hold on us too much but its easier said than done sometimes , esp when you feel so anxious like your about to take an exam or driving test feeling all day.
i have no supportive family so i have no choice than to get on with it because theres no one else i can ask to help out, plus i dont like asking friends to help. so i can manage it , it's just the lengths we have to go to overcome the anxiety, esp on a daily basis that is exhausting.
i had some councelling and went through the worse case scenaro and we figured the worse that could happen.. actually in reality isnt that bad.
i have found.. by just letting the feeling come and letting it pass over like a wave helps, and yes we can only do the best we can.
like you said.. if we all listen in on the anxiety too much we would never get anything done or do anything.. i guess its getting the balance right.
Warm wishes
Annette xx

[Trixie]

I am a carer for my daughter who suffers from OCD, agoraphobia, social paranoia etc.

I worry about her and her welfare if something should happen to me. She is grown up but that doesn't matter. I don't want to burden her with my worries in case it makes her feel worse.

[sugarplums]

hi Trixie, it sounds like you are really supportive of your daughter especially whist being her carer, i can imagine it must cause you to worry about the future for her, i really understand how debilitating the agoraphobia etc can be, i was very agoraphobic and also had ocd and anxiety when i was in my late teens , it has improved over the years but i still struggle with some things from time to time.
It sounds like your daughter is lucky enough to have a mum who is so concerned for her and for her future.
My mum couldn't handle my anxiety or agoraphobia in my late teens, she never got me help and she told me bluntly that no one else in the family had this problem, all my cousins were doing well in life with their careers and education and she made me feel even more ashamed of this problem i was going through, it took me 2 years to overcome the agoraphobia, i found a counsellor who specialized in agaoraphobia and i gradually recovered to a point where i could most things again, I eventually managed to get to a library and got books out to help the agraphobia and relaxation cds.
So i can understand your care and concern for your daughter as i would be just the same with any of my kids if they needed me.
I take my hat off to you Trixie for standing by your daughter and your love for her as a mother to support her this way !
Have you any support yourself that you could express your worries to?

Love Annette xxxx

[Trixie]

hi Trixie, it sounds like you are really supportive of your daughter especially whist being her carer, i can imagine it must cause you to worry about the future for her, i really understand how debilitating the agoraphobia etc can be, i was very agoraphobic and also had ocd and anxiety when i was in my late teens , it has improved over the years but i still struggle with some things from time to time.
It sounds like your daughter is lucky enough to have a mum who is so concerned for her and for her future.
My mum couldn't handle my anxiety or agoraphobia in my late teens, she never got me help and she told me bluntly that no one else in the family had this problem, all my cousins were doing well in life with their careers and education and she made me feel even more ashamed of this problem i was going through, it took me 2 years to overcome the agoraphobia, i found a counsellor who specialized in agaoraphobia and i gradually recovered to a point where i could most things again, I eventually managed to get to a library and got books out to help the agraphobia and relaxation cds.
So i can understand your care and concern for your daughter as i would be just the same with any of my kids if they needed me.
I take my hat off to you Trixie for standing by your daughter and your love for her as a mother to support her this way !
Have you any support yourself that you could express your worries to?

Love Annette xxxx


Thank you for your nice reply.

Because of my daughters problems I tend to spoil her.

I know when I get anxious sometimes (not because of her) it makes me upset to think that she feels like I do most of the time. She is in her mid twenties and she is still my baby as far as I am concerned.

I talk to my close friends if I am down and they are excellent. Normally I am a happy go lucky laid back person but a few years I had an anxiety attack which went after a few months due to outside influences it is back again and I hate it.

Thank you again for your nice comments.:flowers:

[sugarplums]

hey Trixie, you are welcome, i know i hate to think anyone else has the level of anxiety i have had at times too, my kids are young and i really hope my anxiety doesnt rub off on them, the worst of my anxiety and agoraphobia came in my teens, before they were born so by the time i had them i had overcome the worse part of the anxiety and agraphobia, i can go for weeks or months feeling okay , then i seem to have relapses now and again, but the kids are very understanding and i think because on the odd days i cant them anywhere due to the anxiety or dizziness, we've still made the best of the situation and have a picnic in the garden or make some cakes or make some play dough etc and the kids will have their friends over alot.
And then when i feel up to taking them out, i tend to spoil them with lots of outings and treats, to make up for the days when i couldnt do it.
They dont seem to mind the odd couple off days of staying home cos we do lots of things at home, i think its just me who feels guilty about it.
It's good you have some close friends you can talk too.
And your daughter is lucky to have a supportive mum like you!!
I would do exactly the same for any of my children , xxxx