HA Getting Worse - Bit of a Disaster Yesterday

[Anabell]

When I first started getting panic attacks six years ago I had all the common fears like heart attack,stroke, madness etc but not any other health worries. This has really changed and in the past twelve months my health anxiety has really bitten - I've got terrible anxiety daily that every little thing is a symptom of something serious to the extent where I've lost perspective when it comes to simple things like a cold. My husband's had to talk me down a few times because I've had a bit of a temperature and convinced myself it's fever etc etc.

Now it's getting to a point where I'm calculating the distance to the nearest A&E if we go anywhere but if I can, I'm avoiding leaving the house at all. Yesterday was the worst day so far - my sister-in-law's wedding and I fell apart :weep: I often get panic attacks when I'm tried and I've never been one for social gatherings anyway but I also tend to get woozy/de-personalisation if I'm standing for more than a few minutes so I wasn't feeling too good. I'd also had the flu jab the day before because I'm diabetic & have asthma. Well, I managed until we all sat down for the actual service but as soon as the bride was coming in I began to lose it to the panic and whilst everyone was standing I snuck out. The hotel they were getting married in gave me some iced water and for once I had no problem stating that I suffer from panic attacks and felt faint. I felt a bit better but then the ceremony ended and I was surrounded by a few dozen people and the panic came back - I was right there with the desperate need to be at home (100 miles away), thought I was going to ruin the wedding by dropping dead with a heart attack/fainting/losing mental control.

Now I'm very lucky because my husband has read this site with me and is very patient and understanding of my anxiety and my in-laws were also understanding when I explained because they know it's been a very tough year in which I've lost both parents etc. They found me a hotel room to take some time out in but I spent the rest of the day in there petrified. My husband stayed with me but I was convinced I was having a severe reaction to the flu jab, having a stroke/heart attack as a side affect of the Ramipril my nurse has just started me on. It got to the point where NHS Direct were called and they tried to reassure me but I was convinced we needed to get to A&E so I wouldn't die in the hotel. I also wanted to get to the A&E near home so if I died my husband wouldn't be far from the children.

It was the most extreme I've been and lasted so long - although I'd calmed down by the time we made it home so didn't bother A&E on a Friday night. Now I just feel exhausted and a bit anxious - and really guilty. The wedding wasn't affected and the bride/groom didn't know anything about it but my husband didn't get to enjoy his sister's wedding day and it was the worst time it could happen. I've spoken to my doctor before about panic and anxiety but not been back because I thought it was the Ramipril causing it and he took me off that to see - of course it wasn't the Ramipril and now I'm back on it because I had a BP of 130/85 which has brought heart issues back into my mind :doh: The reason I hadn't been back is because I've been very wary of any medication he might suggest but now I'm wondering if it might help calm me whilst I learn to work through this health anxiety and get it under some control. But I'm worried that if I explain to the doctor that I think it's panic/health anxiety he'll just agree and not be willing to give me some reassurance about certain symptoms like breast pain & swollen glands that I'm not sure are anxiety.

Has anyone got any advice on how to explain that I realise many issues are due to panic but I'm still concerned about others?

Thanks
Bell

[Thanks everyone - yesterday would have been much worse without the wisdom here that my husband had taken on board to talk me down]

[pinkpiglet]

Hi Bell!

As a fellow health anxiety sufferer I can totally relate to your post.

I have suffered with anxiety (on and off) for many years, since i had glandular fever in my teens. I joined no more panic in 2008 after the death of my Nan, i was experiencing my worst case of anxiety ever and it sounds as if you are in this place right now.
You are at the peak of anxiety and it is affecting many important aspects of your life. This is not your fault, it is beyond your control, anxiety is a beast to control, especially when you are at your lowest. I have every sympathy for you and I am sending massive ((((((HUGS))))) your way!!!

Heres something positive to go on:
A) you have included your hubby by getting him to read this site (this is something I did with my partner and I always advise it to fellow sufferers). This is half of the battle and you now have someone who is willing and actively supporting you. Well done!

B) You feel that you can now openly tell people and explain your situation 'I have anxiety and suffer panic attacks' WOW!! this is such a positive thing, you are opening up instead of locking your feelings away.

C) You are not afraid to take solitude when anxiety takes hold, getting out of everyones way at the wedding was a very bold and brave move. You didnt sit there in silence and suffer like many of us do. You didnt give anyone else the need to worry or judge you. You took yourself away and gave yourself the space you needed. This is vital. No one says you have to be strong and fight it (we are rarely the winners after all)

I can honestly say that you will learn eventually how to control anxiety but you must do this slowly and at your own pace.

Speak to your GP, explain everything to them, write it down if its easier and your GP will understand and be able to give you there support.

Good Luck, let us know how you get on

Pink xx

[ian414]

Anabell, oh hun please donr worry you have Health Anxitey thats all, your Diabetic just like me im T2 on metformin, you will laugh at what im about to say to you so please sit down and listen, oh before i do start im so pleased your husband is there for you.
Ok here goes you worry about your heart? just like me, you have lost both your perants, just like me, you worry about your BP, just like me, you feel off balance when standing , just like me. Now there is more but it will take so long to tell you about my symptoms, i will tell you one that i do worry about the most is the heart and it races when ever it feels like it,
Now let me explaine somthing to you ok, ive been to A&E well over 100 times in just over 1 year, ive been to my Doctors well over 70 times in just 1 year, now here it comes, ive had 200 ECGs, ive had and ECHO Scan of the heart, ive had and MRI Scan of the Brain, ive had well over 100 Blood tests, ive had 2 stool tests, right and do you know somthing...they have all come back clear apart from the heart racing and thats been said its down to Anxiety, ive lost weight i look skiiny and Gaunt in the face, i jump up when trying to sleep, here is a video of me ok that i did a few days ago i had to laugh at it because i feel like a fool, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9xsScFRx_E there are 2 videos on there watch both if you like as i said i had to laugh at myself after playing them back but hay im me lol and i love to talk about things, so i really hope this helps you if you would like to talk more about this please email me on here take care Ian

[Anabell]

Thank you so much!

I haven't been on here for weeks because I've been caught up in trying to calm myself down but I just wanted to say how grateful I am for your response and it really made me smile & feel reassured. You made a real difference to me -> I was so bad that my husband has re-read your reply to me over and over to remind me that I'm not alone and that it IS HA and not impending death.

Thank you :hugs: