If I felt happy/anxious free - tempting fate?

[amethyst3]

Hi! I'm not sure whether I have posted in the right bit! But just wanted to find out if anyone feels like if they felt happy in life and not anxious again, they would be tempting fate for something bad to happen? I feel like this but not sure why!!

[lollypopgirl1981]

hi, i think this all the time, im sure lots of people with anxiety does, sometimes when im laughing i stop and think i better incase something bad happens...i find myself always wondering with things that im doing if im tempting fate... like my nan has to have a heart op soon, just doing test on her shes 81yrs old and there not sure if they can because of her health and age, so im thinking ill wait till shes ok and then do certain then she will be ok, i think if i say certain things then im tempting fate... the mind does make you think strange... hope this helps, try not to think to much in to it...take care

[amethyst3]

Thanks. It is good to know I am not the only one who thinks like that but it is a pain! The mind is certainly a weird thing. I wonder if there is anything that helps change these thought patterns?

[European]

Yes, I used to do this as well. I think at the bottom of it is something that is called 'magical thinking', which is something we all do as children, when we are not in control of our lives.

Magical thinking is basically the belief that our words, thoughts and actions influence or control certain events and outcomes, most of which we don't feel in charge of and which are therefore filled with anxiety. I think magical thinking is an expression of helplessness.

It can take all kinds of shapes and forms, namely rituals that are designed to prevent certain dreaded outcomes, or others that are supposed to make certain desired outcomes happen. This might help a child cope with the unpredictability and vagaries of life during childhood, but unfortunately this kind of behaviour rarely works in adults, as it is basically irrational.

There is no real connection between you feeling good about yourself and your life, and tempting fate. If you think about it, it is totally illogical and has no foundation in reality, but stems from of your own inner insecurities in view of your own faith (or, more likely: lack of faith!) in yourself regarding your capability to cope and deal with life.

This kind of attitude has been learnt, and can therefore be unlearned. It takes time to change it, as it is has become a habit, a ritual designed to regulate mood. Sadly, this is rather counter productive, as it makes you dependent on outside factors that are not under anyone's control, and consequently your mood tends to go up and down like a yo-yo on account of what's happening outside of yourself. There is no need for that - and no, fate or destiny or god won't punish you if you take charge of your life and start enjoying yourself. You only punish yourself.

I think the best one can hope for in life is not necessarily to have total control over it, which is impossible, but to learn and work on how to deal with life in a constructive way that empowers you to deal with all kinds of eventualities in the best possible way, i.e. with confidence. I think building one's self-esteem would be the answer here.

[kibbutz83]

Hi European, just wanna say thanks for that eloquent and insightful answer. It certainly makes a whole lot of sense to me where my dysfunctional, abusive childhood was concerned :( I do agree that self-esteem plays a huge part in how we "deal and cope with life". I used to go to group psychotherapy, and there was a guy there who had crippling OCD, and our therapist often referred to his belief in his "magical thinking". He had been badly beaten and sexually abused in boarding school, and consequently didn't possess any self-esteem :( I guess it's pretty hard to recognize these thought processes within ourselves as we have had them for most of our lives? They are seemingly "part of us".... x

[European]

Thanks, kibbutz83! I think the most important thing regarding 'magical thinking' is that it is perfectly appropriate for a child that is depending on the adults around it, and has no say about its own destiny. In such a scenario 'magical thinking' can help to get through difficult times, as it is ultimately very comforting.

Paradoxically, though, the same thing becomes inappropriate and counter productive in adults - it only misguides us merely looking at our issues in an irrational way, which won't help us tackle and solve anything, really.

I think the difference is that as adults we do have a say, and we do have the power to change things the way we want them. We are not dependent on anybody but ourselves, which means we can actively shape our lives, as opposed to hope or expect 'magical thinking' to do this for us.
There comes a time when we have simply outgrown 'magical thinking' as it is not helping us any longer.

[Casanova]

Magical Thinking sounds interesting. When I do well on exams, I try to wear exactly the same things (Socks, boxers, use the exact same pen etc) in the hope of doing well in the next exam. Would this be considered Magical thinking?

[paula lynne]

Yep casanova...i used to say..ok..if my phone rings by the time i get to the shop the this or that is bound to happen. As a kid we used to say in the playground...step on a crack..break your mums back!
crazy kids stuff..but i did do other stuff like that into my twenties!! :D

[Casanova]

Yep casanova...i used to say..ok..if my phone rings by the time i get to the shop the this or that is bound to happen. As a kid we used to say in the playground...step on a crack..break your mums back!
crazy kids stuff..but i did do other stuff like that into my twenties!! :D

Yeah same here. I'll probably be doing some of the things I do now when I am in my twenties. As long as it's discrete, it shouldn't be too bad.:unsure: