Marriage troubles-advice needed please

[iwillgetbetter]

Hi, I want to split up with my husband but am scared that it's the wrong thing to do. Our relationship was fairly good until we had our daughter who's now 4. Since then things have gone downhill and we are argue more and more. We row about her, as well as money and housework. I feel bad for my daughter as she's usually there when we argue and I don't want her to see us like that. It usually starts off with me crying at something he's said then I get angry and start shouting at him then he starts shouting at me. The only person I have spoken to about this is my Mum but she says I can't leave him as I won't be able to cope financially. He has a well paid job and I only work 3 days a week for £6 an hour. I'm not a very practical person and am scared about how I would manage as a single Mum. I would appreciate any comments please...

[caz1625]

Only you can tell whether leaving him is the right thing for you.

I stayed in a marriage that was wrong for over 25yrs for the sake of the kids and have just recently divorced him.

It's amazing how you manage on your own when you have too and I'm sure you would be fine. If you work for 16hrs or more a week you'll get working tax credits for you and your daughter.

It's a very hard decision to make but unfortunately only you can make it. All I can say is I wish I had walked away years ago.

Good luck

Carol xx

[ditzygirl]

As Caz says only you can decide.

Life is to short to be unhappy but do u know why your unhappy ? Is it something you can work on ? Maybe counselling will help ? i think you can talk to Relate and get some advise and hubby doens't have to go or know about it - you certainly can in scotland.

You could also get in touch with Citizens advice to find out what your entitled to with benefits and what your hubby would have to do to support you and your daughter.

Divorce can be painful for all concerned. From my experience "the grass on the other side isn't always greener" you just get a different set of problems - it just depends what you are prepared to put up with.

Good luck on whatever you decidexx

[paula lynne]

I think your daughter deserves happy parents...and if that means separating.......
I dont agree with your mum..you cant stay with someone becuse its financally safe.....
You can do it. Many many single parents out there doing a wonderful job...
You deserve happiness, and youre clearly not happy at the mo.....
Have faith in yourself...we only get one shot..dont waste it....Im wishing all good things for you in the future. x:)

[Granny Primark]

My first 5 years of being married were a nightmare and we constantly argued about anything and everything.
i.e. i liked garden peas he liked mushy peas. ( He liked salmon spread, I liked salmon. He didnt want hols and I did. (Iwon tho every time, but made him feel guilty that he objected to what I wanted) LOL
stick with it a bit longer and then make a decision.
But dont ever argue in front of your child and dont ever stick together for the sake of your child.
You can both be brill parents even if your not together.
Best of luck.

[iwillgetbetter]

Thanks for the replies. Although I don't think we're well suited to each other, it's mainly the fact that he is always criticising me that is the issue. He knows I have anxiety but he's always saying things like the house is a mess because I don't do enough housework. I'm already stressed with work and dealing with our daughter who is not the easiest child and I feel like he should be helping me, not adding more stress. I have told him several times before that I don't think we should stay together but he talked me around each time. I actually feel it would be easier to stay together than to split. In the short term anyway. I'm going to investigate what options are out there...

[ditzygirl]

If it's any help - i have been fighting for a long time to get my partner to understand my anxieties and depression. Hilarious as the reason I am struggling is coz I am looking after his sick and elderly parents - no one else cares about them. And the crap I have to put up with from his exwife and kids. Its not the kids fault their mother is just poisonous and has nothing better to do than make trouble. I didn't break their marriage up but anyone would think I am the scarlett woman!!!ll
Take your time divorce will be stressful and will effect your daughter.

Look into as much support and advise as you can - its a tough one.

Happy marriages/relationships take hard work, Good luck and I'm here anytimex

[iwillgetbetter]

Thanks ditzygirl. Your situation sounds very difficult, your husband's ex wife sounds a lot like my stepmum was when I was a child.
We're going away with our daughter for the weekend so maybe being in a more relaxed environment will help us communicate better and make some decisions.

[ditzygirl]

lol if I'd known then what I know now i'd never got involved, i have no idea what the future holds but i can't think about that just now - my health and his parents are my main concern, they are in danger and won't face it.

It will do you good having some quality time together, hope you have a really good time and as you say you can chat and see what happens.

Good luckx