jemjam
17-10-10, 20:14
Its sunday night, should be coming back from visiting friends in london but instead im at home with my husband, because yet again my anxiety has taken over. We even got to the point of being in the car but my husband could tell i didnt feel right, not only anxious but feeling pretty tired and out of it, think it has something to do with the antidepressants, just started on 20mg from 10 about a week ago and feel quite zombie like. My husbands really understanding but i feel bad because we organised to see these friends weeks ago and i feel like im stopping my husband from living his life. Im signed off work at the mo for anxiety, basically get anxious going to work, at work- have had to leave several times because of anxiety attacks and as you can tell i have social anxiety in regards to seeing friends, going out socialising etc. I also have to admit i have a bit of a problem with drink. Im 27, dont drink every day but think iv got a problem with binge drinking. Basically every other night, as long as im not working the next day, i drink and i dont know when to stop, I drink doubles of whisky and coke so i reckon in one night i could easily drink 8 of those, maybe even more, i dont even know, i pretty much drink til i fall asleep. I dont know why i do it, but i was saying to my husband i feel like rather than making me feel depressive i always feel in a better mood when im drinking, i spose its like a vice that i can turn to. I realised how much i rely on it when the other night my husband pointed out how much i drink and maybe i shouldnt drink on that night, well the thought of not drinking was horrible, i was agitated and all i could think of was having a drink, in the end i had about three so not as many as i normally have. Thing is ill drink on my own, if my husbands at home ill drink when hes not, and when hes away ill drink on my own so thats probably not a good thing that im happy to drink by myself. I dunno, i havent told my doc cos i think hed go mad and tell me thats the reason for my anxiety, and when i go to the counsellor theyve organised im scared to tell them too cos you never know if itll get back to work- counsellor will be organised by our occ health. If anyone else is going through a similar thing id appreciate hearing from them xxx