blueangel
18-10-10, 16:00
Not sure how useful/interesting this will be for people, and I guess that i just want to verbalise some of what happened earlier, as I think I need to see it written down. Therefore if you're not interested in CBT, pass this by!
This was a very interesting experience, I have to say. I went for an hour and a half initial assessment session at lunchtime today.
I'd had to send in a questionnaire prior to visiting, whereby I had to state what I thought were my major problems at the moment, past traumatic/bad experiences and what other help I've had etc etc.
The session looked at what I felt were the triggers for feeling the way I do at the moment (the way I feel at the moment = terrible, unfortunately), how past experiences have contributed to it, and looked at some of the patterns that can lead us to think the way we do.
I've done bits of this work before, so have come across the concepts of thoughts and feelings influencing behaviours and moods.
However, what did come as a surprise was how much effect my upbringing (which was very odd, whichever way you look at it) and being bullied constantly at school have contributed to where I am now. OK, I'd always known it had an effect, but it's only today that I've found out that a large number of my intrusive thoughts are actually flashbacks, as they're about the past and not about imagined incidents in the future.
It looks as though there has been enough damage done to mean that when I'm exposed to trauma, I automatically develop a response to it which is similar to PTSD. It's not the full-blown version (thank God, or I really would be a basket case), but it seems that my brain has learned to make sure I can't lose traumatic events by causing the classic PTSD reaction of flashbacks. It's almost like a sort of punishment mechanism, which links in very strongly to the fact that I was bought up to feel guilty for everything and that everything had to be my fault.
What an eye-opener; I'm going to have to think about this. I actually had no idea I was so "damaged"; as far as Joe Public is concerned, I function quite well; I have quite a responsible job and have only ever once taken time off sick with stress. It does make sense though. If anyone's interested, I'll let you know how I get on......
This was a very interesting experience, I have to say. I went for an hour and a half initial assessment session at lunchtime today.
I'd had to send in a questionnaire prior to visiting, whereby I had to state what I thought were my major problems at the moment, past traumatic/bad experiences and what other help I've had etc etc.
The session looked at what I felt were the triggers for feeling the way I do at the moment (the way I feel at the moment = terrible, unfortunately), how past experiences have contributed to it, and looked at some of the patterns that can lead us to think the way we do.
I've done bits of this work before, so have come across the concepts of thoughts and feelings influencing behaviours and moods.
However, what did come as a surprise was how much effect my upbringing (which was very odd, whichever way you look at it) and being bullied constantly at school have contributed to where I am now. OK, I'd always known it had an effect, but it's only today that I've found out that a large number of my intrusive thoughts are actually flashbacks, as they're about the past and not about imagined incidents in the future.
It looks as though there has been enough damage done to mean that when I'm exposed to trauma, I automatically develop a response to it which is similar to PTSD. It's not the full-blown version (thank God, or I really would be a basket case), but it seems that my brain has learned to make sure I can't lose traumatic events by causing the classic PTSD reaction of flashbacks. It's almost like a sort of punishment mechanism, which links in very strongly to the fact that I was bought up to feel guilty for everything and that everything had to be my fault.
What an eye-opener; I'm going to have to think about this. I actually had no idea I was so "damaged"; as far as Joe Public is concerned, I function quite well; I have quite a responsible job and have only ever once taken time off sick with stress. It does make sense though. If anyone's interested, I'll let you know how I get on......