Ambers
18-10-10, 19:35
Firstly I am so sorry that I am not really inputting - just taking from site, I feel bad...please excuse me...and really I think this will turn into a moan post.
I feel like I am dealing with PA quite well, as in I am challenging myself and doing things that cause me anxiety. I am getting on trains, trying to make friends, going to the shops, going to work...all normal things to the normal person but stuff I find hard to do. I am winning but today I felt so pressurized by it all.
I am really finding I am not coping with my workload, I am stressed that staff around me are not working as well as I need them to. I am worrying that I am a bad wife and my husband needs a better person, so does my son... I panicked again on the train this morning, I am losing more weight even though I am eating everything, I am spotting non stop, I have blood blisters in my mouth, my hair is falling out, my tummy hurts.. I feel like a complete mess and a complete failure. My husband is going away for a few days soon - I am so scared, and so lonely as it is.
I got off the train and I couldn't face going home and showing my family my face so I went to the local park for a good cry. |How sad is that for a grown woman... I need to pull myself together - right?
Sorry to let it all out, but I try so hard to be normal and keep it all together.
I have been having CBT - but you know - I feel stressed about just booking appointments, how to get there, what if I cant make that date etc. And the worst thing (I hate to admit to this) is that the counseller doesn't really give a hoot about me they just want to make their living (understandably) why should I feel like this?
Sorry and thank you for reading - I may delete this later when I realise how 'bad i sound and calm down.
I feel like I am dealing with PA quite well, as in I am challenging myself and doing things that cause me anxiety. I am getting on trains, trying to make friends, going to the shops, going to work...all normal things to the normal person but stuff I find hard to do. I am winning but today I felt so pressurized by it all.
I am really finding I am not coping with my workload, I am stressed that staff around me are not working as well as I need them to. I am worrying that I am a bad wife and my husband needs a better person, so does my son... I panicked again on the train this morning, I am losing more weight even though I am eating everything, I am spotting non stop, I have blood blisters in my mouth, my hair is falling out, my tummy hurts.. I feel like a complete mess and a complete failure. My husband is going away for a few days soon - I am so scared, and so lonely as it is.
I got off the train and I couldn't face going home and showing my family my face so I went to the local park for a good cry. |How sad is that for a grown woman... I need to pull myself together - right?
Sorry to let it all out, but I try so hard to be normal and keep it all together.
I have been having CBT - but you know - I feel stressed about just booking appointments, how to get there, what if I cant make that date etc. And the worst thing (I hate to admit to this) is that the counseller doesn't really give a hoot about me they just want to make their living (understandably) why should I feel like this?
Sorry and thank you for reading - I may delete this later when I realise how 'bad i sound and calm down.