Bad day blues

[Ambers]

Firstly I am so sorry that I am not really inputting - just taking from site, I feel bad...please excuse me...and really I think this will turn into a moan post.

I feel like I am dealing with PA quite well, as in I am challenging myself and doing things that cause me anxiety. I am getting on trains, trying to make friends, going to the shops, going to work...all normal things to the normal person but stuff I find hard to do. I am winning but today I felt so pressurized by it all.

I am really finding I am not coping with my workload, I am stressed that staff around me are not working as well as I need them to. I am worrying that I am a bad wife and my husband needs a better person, so does my son... I panicked again on the train this morning, I am losing more weight even though I am eating everything, I am spotting non stop, I have blood blisters in my mouth, my hair is falling out, my tummy hurts.. I feel like a complete mess and a complete failure. My husband is going away for a few days soon - I am so scared, and so lonely as it is.

I got off the train and I couldn't face going home and showing my family my face so I went to the local park for a good cry. |How sad is that for a grown woman... I need to pull myself together - right?

Sorry to let it all out, but I try so hard to be normal and keep it all together.

I have been having CBT - but you know - I feel stressed about just booking appointments, how to get there, what if I cant make that date etc. And the worst thing (I hate to admit to this) is that the counseller doesn't really give a hoot about me they just want to make their living (understandably) why should I feel like this?

Sorry and thank you for reading - I may delete this later when I realise how 'bad i sound and calm down.

[MidnightCalm]

You don't sound bad at all!
Every day is a challenge for me, I find myself just moping around depressed just WAITING to feel anxious or panicky or ill, I sometimes go out and find myself places to just get upset, it's not sad at all, being a grown woman has nothing to do with it, you needed to let it out and you deserve to let it out and just have a release.
is there no way you can have a word about how you feel about the collegues?
Ask your husband if you're a bad wife, ask your son if you're a bad mother, I bet they tell you you're not.
I panic on public transport at the best of times!
I have blood blisters in my mouth too, I seem to be losing more hair than normal, my tummy always hurts and I just never even get myself ready anymore, I even find it hard to keep myself clean, I just don't feel worth it most of the time, whenever I get myself looking good I just feel bad anyway and I've got some horrible face on and just can't see the point anymore.

[sammi]

Aw you two so sorry you both feel like this on a daily basis. I really hope things get easier for you both. I know some of what your going through.x

[Ambers]

Thank you both for replying - midnight, it's hard isn't it - although you do sound worst, wished I could be of some use to you. Sorry for the moan, but feel miles better now I am tucked up in my bed - tomorrow is another day and I might win this time - gotta go forward, I cant go backwards.