Reality checks?

[NumbForest]

Hi all,

Not sure this belongs here but not sure where else to put it.

I have started to have episodes where I suddenly realise where I am and what I am doing. Not like I didn't already know, but it all suddenly becomes real and tbh it is scaring the hell out of me.

The other day, I was driving back to my old town, my friend was giving me a lift, I was sitting there chatting to her when, suddenly I realised I was in a car. I knew before that, that I was in a car. Yet somehow it became more real. I felt totally trapped. I felt boxed in and scared.

I have suffered with anxiety and depression for years. Yet nothing like this has ever happened. It feels like much of the time I am going through life in a kind of dream. Then I only realise this when it all becomes real and I freak out.

Tonight, I was sat with a friend, just laughing (not something my anxiety allows to happen too often) when all of a sudden, I realise I was living in this house, I was at uni and it was all sooo real. I found myself looking round to see if I could recognise everything, which I clearly could because I already knew where I was. It was just more real.

I feel so lost. I feel like I am blocking everything out and I have no idea where to start.

[PokerFace]

I get things like this ALL the time!! Most recent being the other day that scared the life out of me! I'd just finished up in the kitchen and went to sit down and my cat came running over to me for a cuddle and everything went all weird, even looked weird/more real, like high detail, and for a second I was like" what? who are you?" when of course I knew who he was cuz hes MY cat and has been for about 5 years!

I guess it hits us when we're more relaxed, like I was just sitting down with a cup of tea, you were laughing and chatting with your friends when all of a sudden you realise you're not in your comfort zone you're in a car or not at home. I don't know what it was for me, probably realised I wasn't worrying about anything so my brain gave me something to worry about. -_-

I guess we have anxiety so drilled into our brains which causes depersonalization and derealization a lot of the time, so when we do get relaxed and we get a glimpse of the "real world" that's what happens? Just a theory cuz I really have no idea what's going on either lol, it's very scary. ;( x

[NumbForest]

I know, I don;t think anything has ever scared me as much. I just feel so lost with it all. xx