View Full Version : fear of eating/ the feeling of being full.
Well lets start at the beginning. When i was 16 i developed anorexia. back then it was more of a preoccupation of "looking the part" feeling i was too fat and needed to be thin in order for people to like me.
I then recovered and for a number of years was doing well with my eating (although in my mind still always hated my body appearance)
I seem to have relapsed now and the fear has changed. I am no longer trying to be thin for aesthetic reasons really. It's more of just an unknown obsession. I feel very anxious when my stomach is full of food, like it's dirty. I feel nauseated a lot of the time and have very little appetite. When i have some food i feel a desperate feeling of wanting it out. (although i never purge and wouldn't do that) Because of this i just try to avoid food to avoid the feeling of anxiety following it.
I do have a desire to be thin because i have a fear of being bigger, maybe because it makes me feel like i would be noticed more. I feel like i almost want to be invisible/not to be noticed. I try to eat, but the anxiety that follows seems to be not worth it. I also feel that i am doing a great thing by not eating, like making myself clean again.
My depression is worsening, probably because of lack of nutrients. And i seem to spend most of my time crying, feeling scared of the inability to eat without feeling anxious/dirty/terrible, after.
I think my family contributes to the fear, I am scared they will not love me if i am fat. I am due to visit my family soon, and i think that might have caused the relapse.
feel pretty lonely and consumed in this fear.
Hi i think you shoudl go to the GP and get some help with this, remember though you got through it before and you can again. tc
I'd like to, the thing is i am not underweight. infact i am about 12lb overweight. I am scared they will just look at me and laugh and say there is nothing they can do for me.
Hey, thanks Dahlia. I do actually also have OCD so it could well be part of it. My OCD has got alot better recently and it seems to have been replaced by this.
I think i will visit my GP and see what they say.
try and go to GP and say how you feel its not about your weight its about the not being able to eat as you need to eat for nutrients and energy tc
I can't do it. :( i'm fat i need to lose weight.
If you actually are overweight, Opiateyes (I don't know your weight/height), there are ways to lose weight healthily. Exercise and eating a balanced, low fat diet. It doesn't mean starvation. I think you know this rationally, but are perhaps sinking back into your anorexic way of thinking?
Go to your GP, and explain all this to him. That you can't eat for the reasons you listed above, and that you are worried you need to lose weight. If somehow the OCD tendencies can be worked on/subdued through meds or therapy, perhaps then you will find yourself in a place where you can objectively look at your weight and decide on a healthy course of action.
Just some thoughts - as I said, I don't know an awful lot about anorexia, so I hope I'm not saying ridiculous, patronising things here.
Dahlia
Hi Opiateyes,
Firstly a big WELL DONE for overcoming anorexia. That must’ve taken a lot of courage, and it would be such a shame to let it take over again.
When somebody mentioned talking to your GP about how you’re feeling you said:
“I'd like to, the thing is i am not underweight. infact i am about 12lb overweight. I am scared they will just look at me and laugh and say there is nothing they can do for me.”
But eating disorders aren’t solely about being at a low weight. What about bulimia, where a person binges and purges, thus maintaining a fairly constant weight? Or compulsive overeating, where they are most definitely overweight? They’re still eating disorders and should all be taken seriously.
Reading between the lines, it seems like there are lots of links being made between food and eating, and other issues in life, and that’s really what eating disorders are about. Dealing with other issues, coping with difficult emotions, taking control of one aspect of life when others seem beyond control... things like that.
It’s like food and eating – or a lack of it – are linked to various good or positive feelings, like feeling clean, not being noticed, being loved, and it’s hard to resist something that feels good or positive.
These are the sort of things that would be good to discus with somebody who fully understands eating disorders. To try and unravel some of those thoughts and ideas and to find more helpful ways of dealing with them.
Take care :)
Nigel
btw, she didnt just overcome her anorexia - she also managed to do that for her panic attacks. Wish we knew her secret!
no secret sweetheart, just distraction and alot of determination.
It’s like food and eating – or a lack of it – are linked to various good or positive feelings, like feeling clean, not being noticed, being loved, and it’s hard to resist something that feels good or positive.
These are the sort of things that would be good to discus with somebody who fully understands eating disorders. To try and unravel some of those thoughts and ideas and to find more helpful ways of dealing with them.
Take care :)
Nigel
Good advice from Nigel, opiateyes. I had anorexia in my early 20s and recovered after a fashion but had eating issues for nearly a decade afterwards. I've a couple of questions I'd like to ask if you don't mind. Did you have any counselling or anything after you had anorexia (There wasn't much help about back in the day for me and I've often wondered if I'd have recovered better if there had been).
The other thing is, have you any thoughts on why you think your family wouldn't love you if you were fat? Sounds like the sort of thing that CBT, for example, might help with xx
hey jane thanks for the reply.
I never did get any counselling for my anorexia. A few people commented on my weight, but i don't think i was ever so underweight that i needed immediate medial attention, so i guess because i wasn't given counselling i never asked. I was a teen then probably too scared to ask for help.
I think the fear of my family not loving me if i was fat comes from the fact that they all seem to be so obsessed with weight and size. I frequently heard derogatory comments from my family about overweight people, especially my older sister, who i was close friends with up untill the eating disorder. it was when she ditched me to hang out with friends she'd made, that my anorexia took off. She was always very thin naturally, and i started getting thoughts that if i was thin too she might want to talk to me again and i'd be as good as her.
The thought of her laughing at me and thinking i was pathetic and fat always made me carry on starving myself even when i was so hungry.
This fear has kinda stuck. everytime i visit them and any of them talk about weight or say the word fat i get very anxious. I just really hate talking about weight/size or food really.
:hugs: I'm so sorry. That all sounds like a major recipe for self-esteem issues, which I'm sure often play a big part in eating disorders. I totally understand why you feel the way you do and really feel for you.
I do think it's interesting though that you seem to have a solid understanding of why you feel the way do. IMO that's a step along the way of being able to tackle it. I do think it might help to talk to someone about all this. It's something you might want to think about xx
thought i'd update and say, i have been eating better lately. Still makes me anxious because i still feel fat but i'm trying to just forget about it and get on with my life.
Good news, Opiateyes. Glad you're feeling a bit better.
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