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BunnyMazonas
21-10-10, 10:11
So, my employers are incredibly supportive and helpful and willing to learn, which is fantastic, but the specific individuals helping me are a bit... inexperienced... at dealing with this stuff. I felt unable to go into work yesterday because thinking about being there was turning my emotional state upside down and, after thinking long and hard about it, I think I know what triggered today's mental imbalances.

Until my recent move to new meds (done because my old meds were giving me side effects and work were concerned about the amount of time off sick I'd had due to them) I hadn't SI'd in a long time. Months. My anxiety and other mental issues were much more under control. But the new meds are, whilst side effect free almost, not doing the job they were supposed to do. I SI'd twice in 4 days, once at work, was having night panic moments, was easily triggered, emotionally unstable, irrational and sleep deprived.

Since work are supportive I felt it important to let them know what was going on. They, understandably, wanted to talk to me about my issues. But it... was not the easiest conversation.

Manager: Can I talk to you about your email?
*takes me into a big, open, glass office where everyone on the floor could see I was going in with him*
Manager: So you SI'd at work yesterday. I need to tell you I am worried about you, we can't have this happening at work.



*Manager then asks, in rapid succession...*

what I used to SI
did I bring something in from outside of work
asked to see the SI itself
asked to see it a second time to get a better look
asked why I didn't come see him straight away before doing it
asked if I did it when he thought I was taking my break
asked if I did it when I went to the toilet
asked if I did it when I was at my desk
Later on, after finishing the rest of the meeting, Manager comes and finds me again, with HR lady. The HR lady wants to speak to me, so we go back into the same office again.




HR lady asks...

what did I use to SI
asks to see the SI
asks why I didn't go to my manager
asks why I didn't go to her
asks where and when I did it
asks why I did it
asks for an explanation of why I find it so hard to articulate why I did it
talks about how important it is that I not do this at work because "what if next time I take something to my wrists"
Now, the conversation also included a lot of positive things; questions about what they can do to help, arranging ways for me to alert them before I SI, arrangements of more work-funded counselling etc which is FANTASTIC. But... I'm sure you guys can all understand that the above questions especially left me feeling a little... overwhelmed shall we say? There were some tears from me during the whole meeting, and I was... okay but overwhelmed and a bit out of it for the rest of the afternoon.

I want to articulate to work that, their concern appreciated, certain questions are, perhaps, better not asked. I'm just not sure how to go about explaining it to them in a way that would make sense to them. I know that those questions are triggering, but they have no way of understanding this, as they admitted themselves, they have no experience of being or knowing anyone with these issues.

Any advice would be appreciated

***WELL ISN'T THIS INTERESTING***
Some time ago work wrote to my GP, with my consent, to ask for information pertaining to my meds and my issues, and to ask for advice. I did not see the letter they sent but they confirmed I would be given a copy of the response from the GP. No response has yet been received and work asked if I could call my GP to chase, since it would help to have that info with the disciplinary I've got coming up. Apparently, my GP hasn't responded because they felt some of the questions being posed were inappropriate and they refused to answer them! I've asked to see a copy of this letter now, but what on earth have my employers been asking about me?!

And now work are being evasive. I've asked to see a copy of the letter they sent to my GP. They are refusing to give me a copy today saying that they will "be happy to discuss theletter in the meeting we have scheduled for tommorrow", and when Ipushed thematter they advised if I "wanted to see my personnel file I could request it through theofficial channels". What on EARTH have they asked my GP?!

ditzygirl
21-10-10, 11:57
You need some professional help and advise here adn FAST.
Please don't think I am trying to scare you but I have been here and you need to be very careful especially in our current climate - employers will be looking to down size and you may be a prime target.

Firstly make contact with CAB and TODAY. I am pretty sure you are entitle to take someone to the meetings with you - a trusted colleague or union rep.
You also need to contact your GP and tell him what is going on - i have been here at it turned nasty. My GP was fantastic and wrote a letter supporting my case but my then employers attitude was that they couldn't see anxiety or depression there fore I was faking it!!!!!! Amazing for a medical company!!!!!!

Luckily my dad advised me to join a trade union and not tell my employers which is what I did.
My company forced me to go to a medical in some god forsaken private practise in Reading and they supported my GP too.
All of this pressure of course was increasing my anxiety - just thank goodness i had a totally amazing GP who was fantastic.

The additional stress was awful and they wanted me to just resign and go away but I wouldn't, I played the game as advised by the union.

Eventually a big meeting was called where they expected me to crumble - but I turned up with a union rep!!!!!!! Believe me I was a gibbering wreck, the union chap did all the talking and it was a huge help.

Obviously we parted company but I kept my dignity and I don't think that company will be quite so unprofessional again.

I really hope you are NOT going to experience the crap I went through but don't take anything for granted.

Good luck and let us know how it goes and if I can help in any way i will.

JUST REMEMBER THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS YOU AND YOUR HEALTH, HEATLH IS WEALTH.

I have come to the conclusion that many employers just don't understand anxiety and depression which doesn't really help but it can happen to anyone and they are very niaive to have the "it will never happen to me" attitude.

Hope this helps sweetiex

rocklover
21-10-10, 13:43
Sorry you are having such a hard time at the moment and good for you for continuing to work.

I don't wish to upset you, but your employers reaction (questions asked) etc is a very normal reaction to what happened at work. They are going to be looking at this from a health and safety perspective and may even need to do a risk assessment.

Think of it from their point of view, they cannot pretend it hasn't happened and not mention it because they need strategies to deal with the situation in case it occurs again. Also if it does happen and you sustain a significant injury, they could possibly be held partly responsible. They also need to take into account the effect this could possibly have on any other staff members if anyone witnessed you do anything when distressed.

I think you need to continue to work with them to look after your needs, the talks they had with you were needed (although they could have been conducted more privately, maybe mention this to them), they just need to cover their backs. They sound like they are much more supportive than most companies and that should be of some comfort to you.

Take care and good luck.

BunnyMazonas
21-10-10, 13:45
Thank you for the reply, I am so sorry to hear how your work treated you :hugs:

I am trying to be optimistic about this myself as they have tried tobe supportive, but I am going to be careful! I've got someone coming with me tommorrow after all now - a work colleague and friend who I feel I can trust, even if just to be witness to what is said. I've also had some excellent advice from blueangel on here which I'll be making full use of!

Vixxy
21-10-10, 14:03
Bunny, how long have you been on the new meds for?

BunnyMazonas
21-10-10, 14:21
About... 6-8 weeks I think.

ditzygirl
21-10-10, 14:37
Brilliant - please dont' think I am trying to scare you , I have to say my treatment was harsh but these things happen I dont' dwell on it. It is just ignorance i think.

Good luck tomorrow and I am sure my situation was a one off.x

Vixxy
21-10-10, 15:06
I'd make an appointment with your GP and tell them you're having a bit of a relapse. Sometimes the meds just don't work as they should for some people.

Nigel
21-10-10, 15:29
Hi Bunny,

They don’t really get it, do they, when they say something like; “What if next time I take something to my wrists”. SI isn't really about that, is it?

Perhaps you could educate them a bit. Print off some info they could read – like the Self Harm page here, or info from elsewhere on the internet. They’re probably jumping to all sorts of wrong conclusions.

Regarding the other work matters – I don’t really know other that doing as the others suggested and seeking as much advice as you can.

Another idea might be to also look into all the ways your employer has been negligent. How that, and the all the stress they’ve caused, has been detrimental to your mental/emotional state. See if there’s a claim to be made against them. If they do get nasty, it would be great ammunition to threaten them with.

Good luck :)
Nigel

BunnyMazonas
21-10-10, 15:37
Oh, it is just so good to speak to you guys... people who understand! Yeah, they really don;t get it, but I am trying to give them the benefit of the doubt because they are trying to understand, even if they get it wrong a lot!

paula lynne
21-10-10, 15:51
Hi Bunny I hope you get some professional advice on this soon x
You are ok, its the rest of em!! Take care x:wacko: