View Full Version : Do you ever feel like you don't fit in?
paula lynne
21-10-10, 15:35
Hi Davy x
Its hard coping with something that no-one really understands except you.
Its hard when friends seem to be moving forward with life when you cant right now...........
Some people will come into your life for a short time only.....some remain friends remain forever, and they are they kind of people you want to surround yourself with.
I hope you feel better soon, and I really think talking things through with your best pal/gp/councellor would help. x Take care x:)
Hi Davy
It's hard when you are feeling anxious and no one seems to understand. I always try to look upon it like this (even on days where I feel rotten)- I don't think anyone truly does understand how it is to feel anxious until they go through it themselves. I know that I never did, until it happened to me when I took my first panic attack over 2 years ago.
One can empathise, try and put themselves into the anxious person's shoes, but until anxiety enters their life, for whatever reason, they won't ever fully appreciate how it makes a person feel. That is why NMP is so good. We all give each other the support because we've been there and we understand.
Take care :)
Hi Davy, I've felt like this most of my life - including on here sometimes - and I don't know what the answer is, sorry. Didn't fit in at school, didn;t fit in with my ex's friends, didn't fit in with most other mums when my kids were little, don't fit in at work...
Definitely feel more prone to feeling that way when my mental health generally isn't good though.
Unfortunately, threads sometimes get overlooked and I have to try quite hard not to get hung up about that at times. Not being much help here but honestly you are not alone xx
Davy, I feel the same as you and Jane too.....
All my life I have felt an outsider. When I was a child it was primarily because I was painfully shy and found it hard to talk to other kids, although I had a small group of friends, but I remember at things like Brownies I had no friends and felt very isolated. High School was the same for me....hell on earth.
I have felt it much more so since my mental health problems started 6 years ago, particularly family wise, as I have not attended a lot of family do's over the years, and had to cancel things as I was having anxiety/panic attacks. I feel like the black sheep of the family, but to an extent always have anyway as I have a very high achieving, 'normal', uncomplicated, successful older sister who I have always compared myself too, and since my illness, I feel even more of a screw up!
I do recognise though that a lot of the way I feel isn't caused by other people, it is just the way I feel about myself, as I have always lacked confidence and self esteem.
I think it is hard Davy, as our anxiety does perpetuate and exacerabate those feelings and I know exactly what you mean about people not really understanding at all.
It is tough hun, and as Jane said, you aren't alone in this.x
Hi Davy, Long before I had even considered the idea that I had problems with anxiety I felt like I didn't "fit" with other groups of people. I was drastically different from my friends in high school, my very large extended family, my class mates in college, and the people I work with. And so on and so on :)
I agree with JaneC, it seems like I feel that way even more when my mental health is on the downswing.
You are absolutely not alone in the way you feel.
Why do we need to fit in tho?You are your own person at the end of the day.We are who we are.I think the thing is to try and work towards being comfortable with who you are.Its a work in progress.
Some people are just "different"but its ok why do we have to conform and what is normal anyway?
Not many people have ever "got"me and why should they Its up to them at the end of the day.
Ali xxx
Anxiety etc changes our out-look on the world and on people. We make sweeping statements and think that no one cares about us or is interested in us but that can be because we are so busy trying to cope with how we feel that we com across as someone that does not care about others. When our focus is just on us and our feelings then we can become isolated. Most people dont understand Mental Health Issues but thats not their fault. I dont understand why people are afraid of spiders but I accept they are. It may be that there is not enough awareness of Mental Health Issues and it carries a negative sign but the more we talk about it the less it becomes a taboo subject and the less people in the media make fun of it.
HIV at one time was a big secret and no one talked about it but now everyone talks about it and there are fund rasing events to support others. How great it would be if Mental Health had the same high profile celeb to to bring it under the spotlight and show that having a Mental health issue does not mean you are less normal but in fact you are just the same as everyone else
iwillgetbetter
01-11-10, 17:20
I can definitely relate to you Davy, I have felt like this ever since I was a teenager. I'm constantly trying to work out why people don't seem to like me/pay attention to me. I know this over analysing doesn't help matters but it's hard to stop.
Is it possible by distancing yourself from friends you're trying to reject them before they reject you? ie. you are scared of rejection. This is something that seems to affect a lot of anxiety sufferers.
This looks like a pretty common scenario for anxious people, judging by the replies.
I can relate to this as well; I was bullied very badly at primary school, and nobody ever seemed to do anything about it to help/rescue me (family or teachers). Unfortunately, the attitude at the time was "learn to fight your own battles" which for a timid child was impossible.
All this also was not helped by things at home. In general, I was only praised for doing well academically at school, and was criticised a lot for all sorts of things. My family also managed to completely destroy any trust I had in them, by doing things like not telling me when my dad had died (he'd been in hospital for months and I didn't get to see him very often; my mother thought it would be a good idea to gloss over the whole matter for about 3 months and then not let me grieve for him).
As I got a bit older, I began to realise that my family weren't the same as other peoples' families. As children, we have no idea of what's normal and what's not, so you only find out by comparing your own family with others. A combination of this and the earlier bullying made me feel distanced and inferior. I'm still paying the price for that now, decades later, as unfortunately it has given me the overall belief that I'm not an "adequate" person.
On the upside of this though, since I've become an adult, I have realised that in a lot of ways, it's actually good to be different, and most of the time, I enjoy being a bit eccentric and not like the rest of the population. I guess, therefore, that there are two sides to this, as with everything else.
Downsinthenorth
03-11-10, 11:49
Really interesting post and replies, because I've been wondering why I don't seem to fit in. I think perhaps it's because both anxiety and depression can make you seem distant or aloof to others. Also, your family, like mine, might function better as individuals rather than as a group, and at an early age you don't have the opportunity to develop a "group mentality". And sometimes I find that you have to sacrifice too much in order to belong to group, and it really isn't worth it.
I am starting to come to terms with being a loner. It is part of what makes me me, and different from the next person.
you seem to have a partial grip on the weeeeeeee folk inside your head:)
i also feel like I don't fit in...anywhere :( i have felt the same for as long as i can remember and it goes for work colleagues, family, etc, etc. If I ever broach the subject, people really don't understand and think i am being over dramatic/ over sensitive. i think this has developed a need in me to be needed so i spend most of my day looking after people in one way or another. the last person i feel i need to look after is me.....and i am the one who needs it the most!!
i , too, am working with a counsellor which definitely helps.
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