View Full Version : my first panic attack
Hello everyone, my name is Mary im 34 and have experienced my first panic attack two weeks ago and they havent stopped since. Iam very frightened, tired and totally confused. It all started after i suffered a reaction to a tablet my doctor had given me, an antidepresant, i took it early on the saturday morning and felt fine, my husband and foster child had gone out ,i sat down to watch abit of telly which is something i rarely do and i felt abit sick so i went to bed to lay down, i was sick and was feeling worse so i called my sister(my mobile was down stairs and i didnt have the energy to move and i dont know his number.... stupid girl) to call my husband to ask him to come home, which he did, he said i would be fine he got my mobile for me and him and the foster boy went off to watch the football. I fell asleep only to wake up to the worst feeling all over me i thought i was going to die! i was cold but boiling, shaking ,pins and neddles eveywhere i was so so so frightened i didnt know what to do..so i tried to call my husband but it went straight onto his answer phone which freaked me out even more so then i tried my family and friends but again i kept getting answer phones, by this point i thought i was going to faint or die on my own, then i heard voices outside and i thought it must be my neighbour, so some how i got to the front door, opened it and stumbled out... in very bright pink pyjamas, i must of looked a right sight, but it wasnt my neighbour it was a stranger i asked her to help me but she basically told me to get lost which freaked me out even more...nice lady, i dont think! i got myself indoors and called my mum who was fantastic. she herself experinced panic attacks when i was a child!! she tried to calm me down but in the end called me an ambulance which came very quickly i was in such a state i really thought i was going to pop my clogs, i calmed down when the paramedics were with me i felt so awful that i had wasted their time but they were very kind my husband had called me back and got his mum and dad to come round until he got home, oh it was such a relief to see him but over the next 24 hours the attacks came and went i was totally shattered and still so scared on the sunday i started to get horrible thoughts which again totally scared me beyond belief my sister was fab and looked after our foster child .on the monday i went to the doctors i was a complete mess she said i had been having panic attacks and she gave me somethings to calm me dowm which i was frightened to take after taking the tablet saturday i darent take any of them...but i was still getting the horrible feelings and was so worn out so my husband sat with me while i had them..hes such a wonderful person i rested for a few days and last week end was not too bad but i still had horrible butterflys in my tummy then monday night they started again the shakes the pins and needles horrible thoughts the worst feelings in the world i cant describe and most of all the loneliness my husband has been so wonderful and my friends too but when im having one of those moments it scares me so much .ive been to see a counsellor which the doctor recommened and that seems to help but in the back of my mind im thinking whens it going to happen again which i know is stupid because im making myself worse...yet again im a stupid girl!but the other day i was sopleased to find this site i sat and cried i didnt feel so lonely i have spent the last three days looking through it(between panics)iam so grateful to Nicola and the rest of you Thankyou for being there x ps iam sorry if i have waffled on but it has been so nice to get this all off my chest im not very good on the computor so if there is alot of mistakes im sorry thankyou again x
Hi there,
Welcome to this great site! You will meet so many great and friendly people here who have felt like you so many times.
Im sorry that youe have suffered the last few weeks with your panic attacks, but now youv'e found this site you will learn so much about how to cope with them. The more you learn about the different symptoms, why they happen and what to do to prevent the symptoms the more confident you will feel and things will start to feel back to normal again.
Keep in touch.
sadie
nomorepanic
04-03-04, 20:39
Hi me
Welcome to the site
Your story really touched me cos we all remember those horrible feelings of panic, made worse when you are unable to contact anyone to help.
I know that it was very scary for you but try and understand what happened and why. Anti-depressants can have some very unpleasant side effects and some people say they feel worse at first so you are not alone. Which one were you taking? Have you stopped taking it now?
You are in the early stages of having panic attacks so all the help you can get now to control them the better it will be.
Certainly stick with the counselling if you can, that will help immensely.
Well just a quick note to welcome you and I am sure you will get loads of help and advice here.
Nicola
Hiya Mary,
Welcome to the site, I'm so glad you have found us.
Keep looking round the site at all the postings. It is so nice to realise you are not alone.
Glad that you felt a little better getting it all off your chest.
Post whenever you need to. There will always be someone here to support you.
Take care
Kate x
Hi Mary
I went through the whole ambulance scenario when I had my first panic attack (and the guilt when they arrived and told me what it was) so you definately arent alone there.
Just want to say welcome to the site. I hope you find some great help here as I have done.
Love Sarah
xx
Hi Mary
Welcome to the site, I'm glad you have found us. I think you have made the biggest step towards recovery - recognising what you have in the early stages and knowing also that you are not alone.
Next time you feel panicky, think of us here - we have all been through what you are going through and we are all still here - and all of us doing better than before!
You will get through it, just be strong and persevere.
Emily
So why are you taking antidepressants to start with ?
Are you still taking the antidepressants now?
Your paic came from the change in blood levels of brain chemicals changed by the AD. You will not have this for life , you will be fine.
You've done really well in recognising that it may be exacerbated by your thoughts on the subjects !
It's really horrible not to be able to get hold of anybody when you need them..
Take care - keep in touch .
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
night walker
05-03-04, 01:50
hi mary
i to have panic attacks if i touch antidepresants tablets...in some people these tablets help so much,,and is others it makes things worse..,when i started havin panic attacks the doctor give me 3 diffrent antidepresants tablets to try,,not all at once but over a period of time,and boy did they make me ill and the panic attacks were the worst i have ever had,,,the feeling were unreal and these panic attacks would last day in day out....
when i would go to the doctor she would always say keep on taking them it will get better....for me it never did they turned me into a nervous wreck stripping me of strenth,,confidence,,every day i would have pains and aches battering my body,,,they made me that anxious i could hear my own heart beat day in day out..the list is endles,,,i can only discribe it as my own personal hell,,,,
i only started to get better when i stopped taking antidepresants,,,but again they can work wonders for some people...mary if u have had this reaction to antidepresants dont take them ,,,,,like radar says in her posts they changed your chemical level in your brain and u will not have this for life,,,,if you take away the source to your panic attacks in time they will get less and stop...i think in your case this tablet has caused your panic from what i have read....
stay strong mary how ever bad you feel this condition will not kill you
hi mary we met in the chatroom tonight.welcome to nmp.you will find so much positive help here.Nicola who runs this site is so helpful and the rest of us are so genuine that i,m sure you will find a lot of great advice here as well as a lot of fun.see you soon take care. love, steve xx
sweetwater
05-03-04, 03:06
Welcome Mary! It a really healthy thing to vent and let it out...so don't ever apologise for waffling on please...i'm sorry to hear you had such a nasty reation on the antidepressant - panic attacks use to charge in with their bats when i was on most of the antidepressants...i actually could hardly think straight on half of them, which is quite scary really, and my anxiety was intensified 3 fold. did your dr. put you on a SSRI? what was the name of the drug? i ask b/c your level of panic reminds me of what i went through, and my dr. suspected that i was hypersensitive to serotonin in the end...
quote:Originally posted by sadie
Hi there,
Welcome to this great site! You will meet so many great and friendly people here who have felt like you so many times.
Im sorry that youe have suffered the last few weeks with your panic attacks, but now youv'e found this site you will learn so much about how to cope with them. The more you learn about the different symptoms, why they happen and what to do to prevent the symptoms the more confident you will feel and things will start to feel back to normal again.
Keep in touch.
sadie
Hello its mary again, please can someone help me im having abit of a panic! so i just came on to see if anyone was there but i dont know how to reply to any of my lovely messages, thankyou to eveyone who have sent me a message it is so comforting knowing you are all there. My husband has gone to work today and its the first time ive been left alone. The feelings all started as soon as i got up but i managed to get our foster child to shcool, i was so scared but i knew i had to do it, then i got home after alot of talking to myself in the car... i must of looked bonkers to other people. I got in doors and spoke to my mum but the feelings were still in me so i went to lay down and put on a relaxation tape on and tried to do my breathing which helped but things still kept worrying me in my head, so i thought i would come on the computer to see if anyone was there, im sorry if im hassleing ou all but i dont know what to do. My lovely husband just called me and tried to reasure me but im still feeling a bit frightened...why is this happening? after i saw my counsellor yesterday i felt so much better i feel like im going round the twist..Im now going to try and tidy the house to keep myself busy thankyou everyone again i am so so grateful x
Mary,
you are in no way hassling us!! that is why we are here.
Youa re probably so wound up because you were anticipating being left alone.
You are not going round the twist but when I was at the 'peak' of anxiety I really thought i was going insane. Please let me assure you you are not and things do get better with a bit of work
How are you feeling ?
What symptoms are you experiencing?
Is the housework helpling take your mind off things ( I know distraction helps for me)
Can you put the radio on to a good music station or grab your fav CD and sing your lungs out? (even if u don't feel like doing it?
Can you have a nice warm bath?
Let me know eh
Lucky
Hiya Mary,
Sorry to hear that you are having a bad day.
You are back home now, after managing to take your foster child to school.
You felt dreadful, but you still managed to do it!!
WELL DONE!!!!
The thing is when we wake up feeling apprehensive we feel as if this feeling is set in for the day and our minds take over and the bad feelings just grow.
You have a few hours now before you will have to go and pick your child up.
So, indulge yourself in whatever you feel like doing!
If you feel better being active, try to take yourself off for a walk.
Do the housework,put on some music and dance round the house! No one there to see you, so just go for it!!
Do you feel like a bit of pampering? If so, run yourself a nice bubbly bath, take the phone off the hook, and enjoy!
Do some more relaxation and breathing excercises.
Above all, do something, anything, which takes your mind away from the panicking, scary feelings. Distraction is the best way forward, I always find.
Anyway, give some or all of the above things a try!! Before you know it, it will be time to fetch your child from school and you will have survived another day!!!
Take care and keep posting!!!
Kate x
Whoops!!!
Think Lucky and me were both replying at the same time!!!
Kate x
I know Kate at least I know we are on the same wavelength and hopefully we are helping!!
mary - if you are happier sitting posting you know Kate and i are both here and will try and reply asap - others will probably post some time today as well if we are not managing to get on!!
Can I ask you why you decided to get into fostering? It is just i was fostered when I was younger (off and on) (family issues not because I was unruly)
lucky
quote:Originally posted by Lucky
Mary,
you are in no way hassling us!! that is why we are here.
Youa re probably so wound up because you were anticipating being left alone.
You are not going round the twist but when I was at the 'peak' of anxiety I really thought i was going insane. Please let me assure you you are not and things do get better with a bit of work
How are you feeling ?
What symptoms are you experiencing?
Is the housework helpling take your mind off things ( I know distraction helps for me)
Can you put the radio on to a good music station or grab your fav CD and sing your lungs out? (even if u don't feel like doing it?
Can you have a nice warm bath?
Let me know eh
Lucky
oh thankyou for being there i dont know what im scared of i have lots of horrible feelings in my tummy im very tired i feel lonely abit faint and i feel alittle sick and i dont know how to use the computer properly i just want to feel normal iam so sorry to pour my heart out to you its so nice having someone there x
Mary,
To post all you have to do is start typing at the box on the bottom of this page and hit submit reply.
pls do not apologise to me i am happy to help remember I have been there (and still am in some respects) so I know exactly
how you feel .
Can you have something light to eat to help your tummy?
lucky
Mary,
As Lucky says, there is no need to apologise!
I also suffer and know exactly how you are feeling!!
Are you trying some distraction, it really will help.
Kate x
Mary,
I'm hoping that distraction is working for you as there have been no more posts!!
Another thing to try is saying little positive things to yourself i.e
I'm doing fine
I'm a strong person and I will get through this
etc etc
You don't have to believe what u are saying but if you have some good ones keep on saying them to yourself to help counteract the negative messages your subconscius is telling you!!!
Can I ask you why you went into fostering ( i was fostered on/off when I was younger because of family problems) and is is something I wondered? (ps u don't have to answer if i am getting too personal!)
you don't have to answer this post if u don't want to or if ure distraction techniques are working
Take Care
Lucky
dear kate and lucky thankyou for being there x oh im back on the computer again. well i tried everything today the house work kept me busy but i still kept getting a nervous tummy and it winds me up and i get so frightened that im going to have a moment, the feelings kept coming and going i made sure i had some lunch but the phone rang and it totally freaked me out, it was a lady who i work with, she must of thought i was mad or extremely rude cause i told her i couldnt talk she said she wanted to come and see me but i had to just get off the phone i was getting the pins and needles so i said goodbye and put the phone down, how awful of me, i felt i was being awful to her but i just couldnt talk. so i got myself on the sofa and did the breathing which calmed me down ...why did i go like that? then i made myself eat my soup which was really hard ,which is odd for me because i love my food!!! i am finding it hard to eat at the moment but iam making myself...hey you never know i may lose some weight..after lunch i began to tidy the house which was really hard and thats also weird for me cause i love cleaning!!then 1/2 hour before i had to go and get our foster boy a record came onto the radio and it made me have horrible thoughts and i felt a big panic coming on so i went and called my mum who tried to calm me she is being a star i then thought i couldnt collect our foster child from school as i wasnt safe to drive so i called my lovely friend but it went straight onto answer phone which meant more panic so i called my mum back who again tried to calm me then my friend called me and came to my rescue i spoke to my husband in between and he told me to take one of my tablets which im trying not to do because im scared i will come to rely on them, but im so much calmer now. i am going to see a hypnothreapist(hope ive spelt that right not to good on spelling sorry) on monday she called me alittle while ago and sounded really nice and said she could help...fingers crossed.lucky i have no problem telling you about why i fostering its nice for someone to be interested but im abit wacked at the moment so ill tell you later thankyou both for being so wonderful its so nice to know your there bye for now love from mary xx
nomorepanic
05-03-04, 19:51
Mary
Glad you are feeling calmer now - what a hectic day for you?
I am sure the hypnotherapy will help you a lot - very relaxing for you.
If you get all panicky, try reading the coping page on the web site - that may help calm things down ok?
Hope you are feeling better this evening?
Nicola
nicola i cant stop panicing im so frightened i dont know what to do i dont understand how to calm down im so scared and feeling alone i feel so silly for feeling like this im sorry i keep coming to all of you but i feel lost x
nomorepanic
05-03-04, 21:32
Mary
come in chat if you can ok?
Nicola
quote:Originally posted by Lucky
I know Kate at least I know we are on the same wavelength and hopefully we are helping!!
mary - if you are happier sitting posting you know Kate and i are both here and will try and reply asap - others will probably post some time today as well if we are not managing to get on!!
Can I ask you why you decided to get into fostering? It is just i was fostered when I was younger (off and on) (family issues not because I was unruly)
lucky
lucky are you there its me mary im sorry to touble you again but i am havin more panic s ive had such a good morning i dont know why im feeling like this now cause im now off to see my counsellor i should be feeling safe i dont know how to send anyone messages i keep typing away but i dont if they are getting to anyone sorry
hi mary,
I hope you are feeling a bit better after your counselling.
panic attacks are always a bit scary when you first get them you feel like you are in some kind of waking nightmare, but it will get better, we have all been there and there is a light at the end of the tunnel . dont worry about your messages there is always someone here to read them and we will all be here for as long as you need us
take care for now
lyn xxx
Hi Mary
Im sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment. Please believe me when I tell you, they wont hurt you. Easy said I know, but its true.
Try breathing in for the count of 3 and out for the count of 4, this will regulate your breathing.
Do a few little stretching exercises, shrug your shoulders, stretch your arms out, stretch your legs etc, this will get rid of some adrenaline and relax you a bit.
Most of all, keep telling yourself that you will be ok, it will pass and it wont hurt you.
love Sarah
xx
nomorepanic
06-03-04, 19:33
Mary
Hope you are feeling better now cos you emailed me to say that you felt better this morning.
I know it is hard to cope at the moment but what you need is to try and calm yourself and practice that breathing.
May see you in chat later if you are up to it ok?
Nicola
hi everyone mary here thankyou for replying to me i was scared to come back on just incase no one was there but you are thankyou x well by dinner time i was in a mess i went to see the counsellor i dint want to leave the house..but my lovely husband got me there, when i was with her i felt weird i told here all sorts and she was wonderful but then i went funny i felt distant she said she could feel i had disconected from her which i also felt infact i keep feeling it with everyone. but she sat and talked to me for two hours and i felt alittle better and the evening has gone well until now and i m starting to worry so im now going to try and go on to chat thingy bob i havent a clue what im doing but ill give it my best shot THANKYOU ALL iam so grateful for kindness x
Dear Mary
Please try and calm down. I know thats easier said than done, and virtually impossible, particularly when you are at the "height" of your panic sensation, BUT YOU ARE GOING TO BE OK.
That may be impossible for you to believe at the moment - believe me, there were times when i really thought that I had totally lost the plot and would wake up in a padded room. BUT THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
Please have a look around this site and in particular find the messages from Stimpy (Liz). Only a few (and I really do mean a few) months ago, she was so frightened, she didn't dare even use her computer. Her lovely husband Steve had to message for her!
Now Liz is feeling much much better, and as you will see, the nature, content and tone of her posts has changed totally.
The first thing that you need to do is to accept that you are suffering from an anxiety disorder. I know this sounds really scarey, and it's the last thing you want to think about right now. But, until you accept that you are having a "blip" in your life right now, then you can't do anything to fight it.
Check out the breathing exercises on the site. Practice them, particularly when you are feeling ok. That way, they become second nature when you aren't feeling ok - which is when you need them!!!1
Make sure that you eat properly. I suffer from a nervous tummy when I'm anxious, and I appreciate that the last thing you want to do is to eat. However, as I have learnt to my cost - not eating makes you 100% worse. If you are feeling "dodgy" then try sticking to things like rice, fish, chicken, fruit, soup etc. A drop in blood sugars can trigger or exacerbate an anxiety attack (I know - I've been there!!!)
One thing that worked for me when I felt dreadful was to clean, sort and tidy. My mum came back from holiday once to find about three tins in the dry food cupboard - I'd gone through all the things in there, and binned everything that was out of date, or that we were never likely to eat. (Tinned asparagus tips? We must have won them in a raffle). I am also quite bad for sorting my books into topics, author, and dates written!!! And I have lots of books.
Think about how you are leading your life at the minute. Reducing tea/coffee, ciggies and beer can all help, as can taking time out for you each day to "chill". I appreciate that is probably the last thing you feel you can do at the moment, but try to put half an hour aside each day for you - even if you just have a great big steamy bubble bath.
I hope that your councellor has helped you to "square up" what is happening to you.
Please remember that we are all here to help you - we have all "been there got the t-shirt". It makes us feel so much better to help anybody who is a "novice" sufferer!! As Meg will tell you, the quicker you are able to take action, the quicker and easier it is to overcome your problems. I let mine go on for years before I took action, and have spent the last year "battling" onwards!
Please remember Mary we are all behind you, use the site, check out the home page for remedies and supplement suggestions (I am a believer in Vit B complex - but be warned, when your body has absorbed what it needs, it expels the rest, which has the result of turning your wee fluroescent yellow! Very disturbing if you are not expecting it.)
Take good care of yourself, and I hope you manage to have a good weekend.
Love
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Oh Charlie thankyou so so much. ive just been into the live chat thingy and i still havent got a clue how to use it.. ha ha im such a dip stick. I have perked up because roan my lovely hysband said i should take a tablet, a diazepam which i dont like doing but i do feel so much calmer now .i will get some vit b complex, thankyo X i just had a good old read of the site and i wounder if im more having anxiety? I think i wore my poor counseller out today she is a star i have so much stuff to sort out in my life. well heres to yellow wee thankyou again please stay in touch it makes me feel so safe when your all there love from mary x
Hi,
All that you have explained is how I am feeling at the moment!
Although I have suffered from Panic Attacks, which give me an upset stomach, for nearly 7 years I managed to think 'so what' for so long, which actually helped get me out of a lot of the avoiding. Then a few weeks ago I had a major panic again and thought I would go to the Doctors for some medication to help, as I realised that my world was getting smaller and smaller again. She gave me some Anti-depressents and me being me decided, hang on a mo, maybe I can do this without them, so I waited until 2 weeks later and then thought, well, if they are going to help me, I will take them.
I took the first one on a Saturday morning and on saturday night had the most major panic of my life - I felt like I had ice cold water flushing through my body over and over again. I paced the room not knowing what to do - my partner was really freaked out by it as he had never seen me so bad, not even in the 7 years of suffering from panic and agoraphobia. I decided not to take another one.
On monday, my partner had to go to work and half an hour after leaving I was in a complete state, worried about being on my own, Worried as I have 3 kids, 12, 8 and 7 and they were on half term at home with me, and incase I had a freak out with them there.
Over the next 2 weeks I had a very traumatic time. My partner has taken 3 weeks off work with me and tomorrow he goes back! Like you, I have been left worrying about being on my own now that he has got to go back, I am also worrying because now I have to take the kids to school and pick them up, and lastly, I am worrying about looking after the kids on my own with the panic monster looming!
Reading your post was reliving what I have been going through the last 3-4 weeks, it was really uncanny. I too am now worried about taking tablets because I felt so out of control after just that one.
If it helps, you can e-mail me or if you have MSN messenager we could chat through that?
To be honest, it has made me feel better knowing someone has experienced and is experiencing what I have and am at the moment, although I wouldn't wish it on my own worst enemy.
Take care and remember you are not alone!:)
Nikki
xxx
I would like to also appologise to all the lovely people here - I haven't felt too good and have been through a lot over the last few weeks and I know it is good to share things with others that understand but I needed to just distance, if you can understand? I am feeling a bit stronger now and hope to see and speak to you in chat soon. You wonderful lot!:)
Turn 'what ifs' into 'I can' and you will.
Dear Nikki
I'm so sorry that they affected you like that - as you know we have very similar experiences.
From the beginning of December onwards I have been struggling. I have been seeing my CBT counsellor regularly, and we had put it down to pre/post Xmas stress!
However, I've been getting worse, and a month ago she suggested I actually have depression, and should maybe look at taking something.
I started fluoxetine exactly a month ago - and I feel alot better. Friends have commented that I don't seem so "down", and I've stopped crying when people ask me to go a dog walk with them ! (Don't ask)
MARY
there is usually always somebody here - I can't do the chat room either, my telly doesn't seem to like it. During the day me, Lucky, Kate R and Sarah usually log on several times, so you should'nt have to wait too long for a reply if you are struggling.
Please do not give up hope - you are starting to take some positive steps to fight your problems, and once you've done that you are on the road to recovery. Sometimes you may find yourself slipping back a bit - BUT DON'T WORRY
This happens to us all too! Keep a "positive" diary, and when you are having a "bad" day, look back at all the things you've achieved.
Take care - and remember, if you're body is short of Vit B complex, you're wee will stay the same (thanks Meg for sorting that little conundrum out - one less thing to worry about)
love
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
nomorepanic
07-03-04, 19:16
Charlie
What happens when you try to get in the Chat room? I think you need Java enabled to be able to get in. Let me know and I will see if I can help. Would be good to talk to you in there.
Nicola
nikki thankyou so so so much for being understanding x i had a roller coaster of a day and the hardest thing was trying to stay normal in front of our foster child this is only going to be a short message because ive mentally worn myself out i would really like to be able to send you mns messages im such a wally i had to ask my husband what they were ha ha how do i give you my number? keep smiling love from mary xx
charlie thankyou for being there you are a star as soon as i saw your message i felt safe thankyou it means alot im abit frightened about tomorrow because roan my husband is off to work i so wish i was but i darent at the moment just in case i go funny im so glad your all there thankyou xx
nomorepanic
07-03-04, 19:34
Hi Mary
Hope you are ok ? I see you have someone coming to help you with the computer so that is good.
If you want to email me your phone number then I can call sometime ok?
Nicola
well goodmorning everyone, or is it? im so stuck in this house i darent even leave the house.. today woke up calm then freaked out that i had to take my foster child to school, i couldnt, roan did... i must be wearing him out. im scared he is going to get fed up with me and leave and he is the best thing thats ever happened to me hes my rock. we have to tell fostering people i cant look after our little boy today im such a failure what has happened too me!!!im sure im going to end up in a mental hospital which scares me so much im having a good cry at the moment which is good cause i havent even been able to do that. nicola are you sure you dont mind me giving you my number i just need a friend who understands im so lonely i think everyone thinks im putting it on i would never wish this on anyone im scared sorry to always be sad when i send a message thankyou x
Hiya Mary,
Sorry to hear that are not feeling too good today.
My hubby has put up with me and my panics for 20+ years and he is still here!!!!
I'm not feeling too good at the moment either but, believe me,if you stick with it you will have good days again.
Over the years I have been through just about every emotion connected with anxiety and had every symptom going!!
Now, if I have a panic attack, although I still feel uncomfortable with them, I treat them as just another tiresome symptom.
I have now learned, after all this time, to just sit myself down, start breathing correctly and just let the panic wash over me.
It takes a long, long time to be able to do this. But you do finally realise that nothing bad will happen to you during an attack, no matter how dreadful you feel.
Are you on your own today? If so, try the distraction methods that we posted last week.
Don't apologise for posting when you are low. Most of my posts are written when I also need help.
Noone here minds at all and it helps to get it off your chest and to realise you are not alone in your suffering.
Anyway, Mary, take care and try the distraction techniques. And don't forget, there is usually someone on here whatever time of day or night
if you need to talk.
Take care
kate x
Hi Mary,
Me again! Well I am feeling really aprehensive about today as Hubby has just gone back to work. I managed to walk our younger 2 to school but am dreading 3pm, when I have to go and pick them up again. I am also dreading being on my own today, the first time after my major panic 3 weeks ago, and watching the kids until my Hubby gets in tonight at about 6.30pm. I am just worrying incase I have this major freak infront of them - I don't want them to see me like it.
The thing I have found is that as time passes you do begin to feel stronger, so chin up - We'll do it together today! One day at a time, eh? If you e-mail me - nicolahudson@talk21.com I will send you a link to join MSN Messenger so that it will enable you to chat to people in real time.
Take care,
Nikki
xxx
Turn 'what ifs' into 'I can' and you will.
Mary,
I'm sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment, i have put a wee story in 'anxiety' about when i was at nmy worst and hopefully it will help you in the respect YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Pls believe us you are not going insane. your anxiety is 'peaking' but you will get better I promise
Lucky
Dear Mary,
I'm so sorry you've had such a difficult few days . How is this week going ?
Panic is one of the most awful feelings of being out of control - they don't call it going into a blind panic for nothing)but with some concerted effort, some support and a smile or two , it will pass and become more manageable for a long while and then finally it will become but a memory.
Things you might like to consider doing now
Charlie's Vit B - This will support your nervous system which may be in shreds and running on fumes
Some Omega 3 - fish oils. - improve the chemical reactions in the brain
Eat something nutritious every 3 hours - not sugar loaded . Nuts and seeds are a great snack. If you feel nauseous and churny -swigs of tonic water help enormously.
Its good to have a good cry and get rid of stress chemicals that way.
Get yourself a relaxation CD and start using it each day at least once.
Take some exercise and get outside each day
Discuss with your hypnotist her including positive affirmations and CBT in her sessions for you.
Sleep as much as you can
Have a safety rota quietly in your head planned out of who you can ring - and get an answer - if you get over scared .
Believe this is temporary and just an emotional overload situation and will pass.
Your pins and needles and dizziness all just come from breathing to shallowly and too fast. As Charlie said there is lots of help on the main website.
Get yourself a book and start writing . Write it all out however it comes out . Write about your life to now, all the important people in it , write about who you are and how you got here - write whatever comes into your head. This could go on for quite a while - Please do this . Then each day for the next weeks ahead write about your day , any worries, your mood , what you ate, what you did, who said what etc .
If you haven't tried rescue remedy - it's a good natural place to start - also on the home natural remedies page .
Believe us all when we say you will not go mad - I've been where you are and I am through and out the other side-much wiser- much stronger and hugely relieved.
You keep in touch and tell us which bits are helping you most but most of all accept this is a temporary phase in your life and with some effort it will pass. The sooner you catch it and recognise -it the sooner you can get on with getting over it.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
nomorepanic
08-03-04, 19:38
Mary
Of course I don't mind you sending me your number - I can probably only call in the evenings however, as I am at work all day.
Hope you feel a little better tonight - how was the computer lesson last night?
P.S. Meg's advice is great and she has been there herself so you will learn a lot from her :)
Nicola
Hi Mary
How is it going today? I hope you're feeling a bit calmer at home on your own - don't forget if it gets too bad sorting your knicker drawer or defrosting the freezer are good diversionary tactics!
Nicola - I think I've just tried getting on when nobody is there.
I log on, and a screen comes up, but when I click on the appropriate drop down section, it just says that there is only me there
Billy No Mates - yet again!
Love
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
nomorepanic
09-03-04, 20:04
Charlie
Most of us go on in the evening from 8pm onwards, so try then.
I am usually on at 9pm ish
Nicola
Hello to all you wonderful people, you all are such special beings xx and i mean that from the bottom of my heart xi hope you are all feeling ok xx well yesterday was not a bad day in the end, my lovely friend louise came round for the day to be with me.... im such a wimp. we sat and talked, went for a walk then popped into my local shop i went so dizzy i had a little panic they asked me where id been what had i been upto....the questions seemed never ending and i could hardly talk it all was too much it wasnt there fault they are used to seeing this bubbly girl going rushing in full of life and full of smiles im sure they thought i was on drugs!!! but louise got me home and wham bam i was sitting on my sofa and a proper panic came, poor louise,she asked me what she should do i was so worried about worrying her but i layed down got my breathing sorted and soon settled but felt totally shattered. i had an appointment at the doctors which louise came with me, the doctor was lovely but has booked me an appointment with psychologist people which slightly frightened me but she said its nothing to worry about....my lovely husband went to see the fostering people we work for yesterday afternoon and we all think its best for him(the little foster boy) to go and stay with another family for a while, this makes me feel so bad and that ive let him down but i know in myself i cant look after him properly at the moment, so i was getting my knickers in a twist about that, then money, then what people would think and anything else which popped into my mind, my brain can really work overtime when it wants too!! well finally last night i went to see a hypnotherapy lady i was so nervous!! my mouth was so dry but she was a lovely lady. first we sat and talked, she then explained what she was going to do she asked my husband to leave the room which made me even more nervous i layed on the bed and she did her stuff i cant explain how i felt i found it hard to chill and at one point thought i was going to have a panic and i thought i was just going to run but i soon calmed and went with it ,i dont think i quite did it right but today i have had a really good day i hardly dare say that just incase i talk up any bad luck. i drove our foster boy to school(roan was sitting next to me bless him)then when he went to work i went to see my friend john and had a good day i even went to the supermarket i did feel myself go abit dizzy at times but i did it.... yippee x tonight ive had a few little worrys but ive started to do word searches (which makes my sister giggle she says im grown up now ha ha)and they seem to keep my mind busy. tomorrow is not going to be a great day as the foster people are coming to explain to our little foster boy he has to go away for a little while, it makes me feel so so bad. im now going to dive into my word search so ill say night night to you all and THANKYOU for all being so kind and caring and always being there you are all bright shining stars x
ps when i go ino my e mail box that says i have loads of messages from some of you but i cant find them , me and john tried to work it out! but we couldnt and ive been trying again tonight please dont think im being rude by not answering if i could i would and i really mean that, i think im just a bit of a plonker im sure ill work it out soon thankyou again sweet dreams xxxx
Dear Mary
Do not be scared of seeing a psychologist. I do "talking" therapy as well as drug therapy, and I believe it's wonderful. I am very lucky in that I really get on with my counsellor - we have a great laugh and I always feel lifted when I've had a session - even if she's been "horrible" and made me discuss things I pretend aren't happening - or if I've told her things I don't normally discuss! Even if you have a really good relationship with your partner, best friends and family, sometimes its nice to have a vent, and impartial person to off load onto!
Well done for coping so well over the last few days - even going to the local shop can be traumatic (as I know too well). The fact that you had a panic attack BUT DEALT WITH IT should make you feel alot better.
In my opinion, the main thing with anxiety related complaints is not to worry about how or why you are suffering, but the way you deal with them is the most important thing. You went out, got to the shops, came home and sorted yourself out with breathing exercises.
Well done you.
I do hope you are feeling a bit better now Mary, and a little bit more positive. Do not worry about your foster child. Be grateful that there is a positive care network there that can find him somewhere suitable and caring for him to go, whilst you have a breathing space to take time out and concentrate on getting yourself better.
Love
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Mary,
I'm soo glad you are feeling a bit better. Hopefully you are on your way to recovery and your anxiety has already 'peaked' You are taking some great positive actions and dealt with panic when the came.
As charlie said don't feel bad about your foster boy - yuo need to get yourself 'better'
Love
lucky
Hello x only miss worry head here!! how are you all? ok i hope x well its been a day and a half lots of worrys ....but getting to grips with calming down thank goodness. it went ok with the little foster boy he really understood, hes an amazing child so strong... but i did worry about money and bills as he is my job, goodness that makes me sound so selfish... sorry but they are only small worries compared to my head. its really weird i cant watch telly at night anymore its when my little thoughts creep in, so thankyou for letting me type away i hope you all have had a lovely day im now going to try and go on the live chat thingy keep your fingers crossed i can do it bye for now love from mary x
oh goodness its mary again! i just read the message i just wrote and it sounds awful, please dont think i see our foster child as just a job that came out wrong what i meant to say is he is our job which we get paid to do but we care for him so much and money doesnt really come into it but i do have to pay the bills and while hes away i wont get paid and im affraid of getting into money muddles oh dear im getting my knickers in a twist again i hope that all makes sense x
Mary
I don't think anybody did or would - and fostering is akin to being having a job in a care profession.
To me the nurses who looked after my dad and gran were saints - but them them my relatives were just doing their job
Just chill, and if it helps make a little cash flow chart so you start the period without money knowing exactly what you can afford to spend and exactly what bills you've got coming out
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
No Mary the message didn't sound awful, at th end of the day you did get paid to look after the foster boy and we know anyone who chooses to foster does not just do it for the money. (if they did they wouldn't last long!) We also understand that if u lose income then you are bound to be worrying about the money aspect.
take Care
lucky
Hi everyone, well after a wonderful few days im having a worry day with butterflys in my tummy!! so much is going on and i dont feel in control of any of it, i know i shouldnt worry about the future but i just cant seem to stop myself........ sorry to off load onto X you but your my bricks X i hope your all ok and having lots of nice times. love from mary x
nomorepanic
16-03-04, 14:10
Mary
What sort of things are worrying you today? Are you busy at home?
Nicola
hi nicola x what am i worrying about!!! oh were do i start everything, anything and everyone but its the evening now and im much calmer.........phew im off to see the doctor tomorrow which i hope they can help. had my hypnotherpy last night which was good i really think it helps. thankyou for being there x i hope you are keeping well x love from mary x
nomorepanic
16-03-04, 21:39
Hi Mary
No probs - as long as you are ok now - that is what counts.
Good luck at the docs.
Nicola
Good morning... oh im so so so nervous. sorry have to send you all a message but im off to see the local mental team today! oh and im so so scared, i know they are there to help but i think they might tell me im totally bonkers. im like alittle girl again i need all my friends to come with me to hold my hand. i just want to feel better again roan is coming with me he is a wonderful husband x im now going to put the washing out as its such a lovely day, and then have a bath to try and chill, oh im such a scardy cat. i really must be getting on everyones nerves always going on i am gateful to all of you, my wonderful husband and my fab friends and family thankyou xx from mary
Mary,
Let us know how u got on at the clinic eh! I'm sure everything will work out fine!!!
Lucky
Hiya Mary
I had to go see my local 'mental health team' and I thought they were going to say I was bonkers too. I took my husband, held his hand and cried all the way through. They didnt even batt an eye at the state of me.
Going there was the beginning of getting myself better though. I had been completely agoraphobic, panics all day, etc and after going there a few times I started getting better and am no way near as bad as I was.
Good luck Mary, you will be fine, it will do you the world of good just knowing you are getting help!
love Sarah
xx
Hiya Mary,
Hope you got on well today and that the Mental Health Team were able to be a big help to you.
Let us know, wont you.
Kate x
nomorepanic
17-03-04, 19:50
Mary
We don't think you are bonkers and you can always come here and talk to us.
Hope it went well.
Nicola
Hi Mary
Hope your feeling a little better. i have recently had hypnotherapy after my panic attacks came back and im pleased to say that I went back to work on monday after only having 2 weeks off.
Hang in there it will get better.
Laurie
Hello everyone x its only mary here, well the mental health team didnt lock me up.... yippee oh i was so scared but after seeing them and telling everything they told me i wasnt going bonkers, but to slow down ,stop doing so much etc.......... phew . i went to see my lovely counsellor today who said she could see i was feeling better which touch wood i am i told her all about the hypnotherapy and i didnt know what to make of it but she said its probably helping me more than i realise so im going to keep going for alittle while longer. i did have a little panic tonight about our house and money but i calmed myself with the help of my wonderful husband, i couldnt do that last week... so yippee. thankyou for all my lovely messages they really do mean so much x i hope your all feeling well night night from a not nutty mary x ha ha x
Hi Mary
Im glad you went to your meeting ok..I knew they wouldnt think you were bonkers...lol
Thats really good thet you managed to calm yourself down when you were having your little panic...thats real progress!!!!
keep it up
love Sarah
xx
Mary,
You sound alot calmer now than you did a week ago. i hope everything continues to improve
Lucky
Thats great news Mary , things are on the up...
Keep it going
Meg
hi everyone, only mary here i just wanted to say hope all you lovely people are keeping well. touch wood im feeling ok, had a few moments but nothing major. i really find keeping busy helps me and im sure the vitamins really help too . well on that note i wish you all a nice weekend x love from mary x
nomorepanic
20-03-04, 19:06
Mary
So pleased to hear you are feeling better. You definitely sound a lot happier. Things are on the up eh?
Great news.
Nicola
More good news Mary. Excellent .
Keep it up.
Keeping busy and distracted is brilliant, next you need to learn and practice to not allow your scary thoughts or difficult situations to escalate out of all proportions - even if you're not busy ...Then you're all set for a calm life.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
hello everyone, hope your all ok x im having a miss worry head morning... which is so annoying as ive been feeling pretty good.dont think i had a very good nights sleep. went to see hypnotherapy lady last night and we worked on fear....oh and im full of it today!! meg you are so right about the keeping busy but i find it so hard to sit down and just relax my mind goes all over the place and i try to tell it to stop but it wont so i then get up and do something to keep myself busy...oh its all so daft. do you think if i tried some swimming or something different it would help? well ive got an old friend popping round today so i must go and get ready im so nervous about her coming round which is so silly thankyou all for being there take care from mary xx
Hi Mary! Great to read of your progress from your first post, it was really lovely to hear of your progress - well done!
We can all have days when we are not so good even after feeling brilliant, so again, this seems to be normal progress for us. The thing here is to keep on doing what you have been doing then you will feel good again, very soon and these episodes will neither be as frequent or as strong as before - you are training your mind to think differently now - even though it doesn't feel like that (maybe) right now.
Say hello to your friend for me! Hope you have a good meet up with her.
Take care and keep doing what you are doing!!!
Red
x
Hello Mary
I have just read your story for the second time and wow it is very touching.Thanks for shareing it.
I hope you are getting better,and best of luck with your search for a better life. :)
Thankyou Brill.
Dear Mary,
Thats the way it goes . Upwards and upwards then a litle slip and then a plateau to rest on before taking the next upward steps.
Keep at it. You're doing fine . Do not get disappointed in yourself.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
thanks everyone xxxx well its now 4 o clock and im feeling loads better my friend came round and it was lovely. goodness knows why i got so worried just been to have my eyes tested i got abit nervous while having it done, but i did some deep breathing, and it really helped, the guy must of thought i was a funny one..... he was looking in my eyes and i was breathing heavy in his ear!!! oh i feel better now im giggerling to myself. thanks for being there love from mary xx
Dear Mary,
Well, for someone who claims to have no IT or internet knowledge you're certainly a very fast learner and are posting up a storm . Its lovely to see.
Not only do we provide help for panic but lots of motivation for IT skills too..
Keep it going . Glad your day was good in the end.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
nomorepanic
23-03-04, 20:19
Hi Mary
Glad to hear that you got your eyes done and you managed it ok. Was the guy good looking - is that why you were breathing heavy - lol. Maybe that is what he thought!
Keep on doing stuff Mary cos you are doinf so well.
Nicola
hi everyone hope your all ok x meg i cant get off the internet these days its great im getting a right smarty pants ha ha and yes nicola he was a good looking lad ha ha x havent had a bad day except didnt sleep last night so im all tired now so now going to eat some chocolate and be a lazy daisy. night night xx
oh everyone its only me, oh ive got my knickers in a twist i just went in the live chat room and i got in but i dint know what i was doing oh i hope people wont think i was being rude, oh it was so fast, oh im such a wally.... i think ill go and eat more choclate ha ha night night x
nomorepanic
24-03-04, 22:11
Mary
they dont mind in there - sorry I missed you but I haven't been in tonight. Everyone will make you welcome don't worry ok?
Nicola
Hi Mary
I was in there when you 'popped' in. We get loads of people just come in and dissapear and we dont thing anything of it. Next time, just take your time and say hi if you feel like it.
love Sarah
xx
thankyou xxxx ill have a go later xxxx
hi everyone just a quick note to say hope your all ok and have had a good weekend love from mary x
hello everyone x hope your ok. im feeling ok today but had a horrible day yesterday, full of fear and worrying and however hard i tried to shift it it wouldnt go. i had a meeting very early with the fostering people to discuss about our little foster boy coming back,it should be at the end of the easter holidays....i have really missed him. all day i would have little panics about anything and everything i guess it was just a bad day. i hope your all ok. now going to a little leaving do at work....which is abit scary as i havent been there for ages but im back on monday so i think it will make it easier if i pop in today take care love from mary x
Hiya Mary,
Glad to hear you will be getting your little boy back, you must be so pleased.
Hope the leaving do went well and all the best for work on Monday.
Kate x
Good to hear about your little boy :)
And best of luck going back to work you are a stronger person then me because I tryed and couldent.So I think that you are a real champ
Best of luck mate Brill :)
hello everyone thankyou for your lovely messages hope you are all ok and having a good weekend mine is going ok had a few tiny winy worrys but keeping everything in control. my little foster boy has just been round this morning hes so excited about moving home i went to the cash and carry this morning to buy him lots of easter eggs ummmm hes not home for another week hope i dont eat them!! ha ha well take care keep smiling love from mary x
Hi Mary
Aww I bet he is excited about coming home...bet you are too!
Dont worry if you eat the eggs ( I probably would..lol), you can always buy more!!!!
love Sarah
xx
morning sarah and everyone else, hope your ok x oh sarah i was very naughty and have nibbled on one of the eggs, i just cant be trusted ha ha x well im back to work tomorrow and im a wee bit scared but im ready to do it. hope your all ok and enjoying your weekend take care love from mary x
well good morning everyone well i went back to work ......i did it yippee goodness it wore me out but i did it i had a few worrys but got over them hope you are all ok take care love from mary x
nicola its great to have you back have you been a busy bee x
Good for you Mary .
Its hard but you managed to push through it .
Well done.
Meg
"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We're afraid."
"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We will fall!"
"Come to the edge."
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.
- Guillaume Apollinaire
Hiya mary,
I haven't had a good look at the forum for a wee while
You have come on leaps and bounds haven't you? Excellent!!!!!
I'm glad you are strong enough to get your foster boy back and go back to work!!!
You are really doing great - Well Done!!!
Love
Lucky
Hi Mary,
I'm SO happy to see you're doing so well- hope for us all if we keep so positive!
Keep the faith,
Alex.
If you're in a hole, stop digging... unless you're a miner.
thanks alex x ha ha i just sent a message to you 2 great minds think alike take care from mary
good morning everyone, oh i need some advice, ive been feeling lots better but yesterday i went to the doctors to see if i could get some more sleeping tablets and he said i couldnt have anymore!!! ive been using them since i become ill, about 2 or 3 months, they are temazepam 10mg, the doctor explained they are very bad for me and very addictive so last night i thought i wouldnt have any of the ones i had left and i didnt sleep i got my self all worked up and feel awful today i took some nytol yesterday i took 2 of them before i went to sleep had a warm bath and tried relaxation, this has really frightened me, infact this morning i was a mess, my poor husband is so tired i kept him awake too!! does anyone have any advice? hope your all ok love from mary x
nomorepanic
01-05-04, 17:17
Hi Mary
The doctor is right in not giving you anymore cos they can be addictive and then you get to rely on them for sleep.
Nytol is a good alternative but you need to be careful with that too as it says on the leaflet that it is for short term use only so don't get reliant on that either.
Have you tried Valerian - I can't remember if you said you had or not?
I hope you feel better today and get a good night's sleep tonight.
xx
Nicola
hello nicola x thankyou for your message its lovely to hear from you x well i had a great night sleep on sat i got a sleep cd from the hypnotherist which worked a treat but last night the sleep monster came round and stole all my sleeps, hes a monkey!! so feelin all tired now!! i went to see the pharmacist on sat and he also told me not to use nytol and suggested i tried kalms as they didnt have anything bad in them but they do take a few weeks to start working so im giving them a go. what is valerian? pips also said about it ive never heard of it. im so grateful on any advice x how are you hope you are ok and enjoying your weekend have you managed to get in to your garden? the weather here yesterday was so lovely all warm and sunny but today its all grey and wet....not nice. im off on hols with my mum tomorrow oh im so nervous about it i hope you have a lovely week take care love from mary x
poor girl i know how you feel, thank you for your honesty, I thought I was the only one in this state
nomorepanic
03-05-04, 16:36
Hi Mary
Give the Kalms a go - Diana is using them and she says they are helping her.
Valerian is a natural herb and you can get it in tablets that help you sleep. I take 3 a night and sometimes they work sometimes they don't. Worth a try though.
Have a lovely holiday tomorrow and we will all be thinking of you ok? Have a lovely relaxaing break and you will come back all tanned and refreshed.
Nicola
thanks nicola, speak to you in a week. oh ive got a nervous tummy!! hope you have a lovely week love from mary x
Mary
Hope you have a brilliant holiday. Dont let that panic monster out of the house when you leave. Plus he cant have a seat on the place.
Enjoy it
Take Care
Lots of love Sal xxx
Hi Mary!:)
I'm glad you found this site! I'm sure it will help you feel better and not so alone. We all know exactly what you are going through so don't worry. I have been suffering from panic attacks for just under a year and am much better now than I was 6 months ago. I just wanted to tell you that things WILL get better - it just takes time.
In the meantime, good luck!!
Sarah xxx
Hi Mary- guess you'll get this when you're back. Glad you're stil doing well, and try not to worry about the sleep thing. After my panic attack, I didn't sleep properly (1-2 hours per night) for over three weeks. Then bang! Back (almost) to normal. I tried herbal nytol (sort of helped), but best is lavender oil, warm milky drinks and a bath (again lavender oil).
Take care,
Alex.
xx
Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.
hello everyone thankyou for your lovely messages well im back from my hols it was nice to get away but i had a few panics but i coped with them worst one was on the plane coming home it was horrible and i havent had a good week since being home!!!! i hope your all ok and have had a good couple of weeks x
hello alex its lovely to hear from you x hope you are ok, ive only had a few nights not sleeping in the last couple of weeks i thought i was back to normal but last night was a sleepless one boo hoo, i think ill go to boots and get some lavender and give it a go. take care love from mary x
hello nicola hope you are ok x well im back from a very cold tenerife!!no sun i couldnt believe it not a ray of sunshine to be seen. hope everything with you is good ive been taking the kalms and they seem to be helping ive only had a few sleepless nights while on holiday and i had one last night so hopefully they are helping x take care love from mary x
hi everyone, goodness it seems ages since ive written in my own page. life with me is ok, ive been feeling ok had bad panic attack yesterday which has zapped me but i got through it hope your all ok love from mary x
Hi Mary,
Sorry to hear you had a PA yesterday, it's horrible when that happens after you've been free for a while! And I always find I feel the acute anxiety again for a couple of days. Really great that you got through it ok. Keep in mind that it is only a blip on your upward recovery trend. I've had blips every now and then, but that's all they are.
Keep the faith,
Alex.
xx
Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.
hi alex x thanks for your lovely message im feeling loads better thankyou. how are you? hope your ok. hows work? im stuffing my face with jam on toast and im getting it everywhere ha ha take care love from mary x
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.