intrusive thoughts? confused..

[becks xxx]

Since last monday (11th) i've got myself back to skl on my own everyday. Had a few blips here n there, but i pulled myself through it all. I did get medication a few weeks ago - was prescribed propanolol, which personally i think i don't need a beta blocker, but i've got it and now ive got it ive realised how much i don't want it.
It was only yesterday i was thinking how overall like proud i was of myself. I thought i finally had it, finally was beating it and even tho there was a few blips i was starting to realise that actually it's not as hard as i thought.
How is it possible to go from that, such a good attitude, to not wanting to face the day again?
I duno if im alone with this, dont think i am but i was reading something about "intrusive thoughts".. and yesterday has actually really worried me alot.
I started getting thoughts questioning myself, about if i lilke people of the same sex.. NO WAY DO I! NO WAY. that just isnt me, at all! I don't know where it came from, but then i started to think and think about it, i kept imagining myself randomly kissnig one of my friends or something.
The thought of it makes me feel physically sick. It just isnt me and deep down i know for sure i wouldnt ever carry it out, but why on earth woul that even cross my mind? So confused scared and feel im going backwards :( anyone else get this?

[Nigel H]

Well Becks - the simple fact is that many people have such thoughts as they grow up and it has no relation to whether or not you end up acting on it.

Most people I have mentioned it to have had a thought of killing someone at some point, BUT never acted on it ... it's just a passing thought and that's all. Recognise it as such and you can feel comfortable now.

A thought is simply that .... a thought inside your head! Often they stay inside your head and disappear soon.

[ems43]

intrusive thoughts are really common in most anxiety disorders. Like you said, you read something and it triggered a fear that you may start to feel that way. I have all kinds of strange intrusive thoughts, and as Nigel said, they are just thoughts, though can feel very real and provoke a lot of anxiety x

[Nigel]

Hi Becks,

Well done for getting yourself back to school etc. You carry on being proud of yourself because that’s a great achievement :)

I read the other day that on average a person has something like 70,000 thoughts a day!
That’s a hell of a lot :ohmy:
So with such a huge amount, there’s bound to be a lot of random and truly bizarre ones amongst them.

There’s two parts to the mind; the conscious part – which is all the stuff a person is aware of, and the subconscious part – which is all the stuff they’re not aware of but do automatically.

It would take the conscious mind for ever to process all those thoughts, so what happens is the subconscious part takes care of it. It’s not as smart, but it’s very good at making fast approximate decisions. It discards most of those thoughts as irrelevant, but just a few it flags up as potentially important. We can then logically consider those few that are brought to our attention and decide if they really do contain anything important or not, and because the subconscious mind only made a rough decision, many of those can be discarded too.

It sounds like that’s exactly what you did when you said:

“The thought of it makes me feel physically sick. It just isnt me and deep down i know for sure i wouldnt ever carry it out”

See... your mind is working exactly the way it’s supposed to work :winks:

Take care,
Nigel