becks xxx
22-10-10, 09:40
Since last monday (11th) i've got myself back to skl on my own everyday. Had a few blips here n there, but i pulled myself through it all. I did get medication a few weeks ago - was prescribed propanolol, which personally i think i don't need a beta blocker, but i've got it and now ive got it ive realised how much i don't want it.
It was only yesterday i was thinking how overall like proud i was of myself. I thought i finally had it, finally was beating it and even tho there was a few blips i was starting to realise that actually it's not as hard as i thought.
How is it possible to go from that, such a good attitude, to not wanting to face the day again?
I duno if im alone with this, dont think i am but i was reading something about "intrusive thoughts".. and yesterday has actually really worried me alot.
I started getting thoughts questioning myself, about if i lilke people of the same sex.. NO WAY DO I! NO WAY. that just isnt me, at all! I don't know where it came from, but then i started to think and think about it, i kept imagining myself randomly kissnig one of my friends or something.
The thought of it makes me feel physically sick. It just isnt me and deep down i know for sure i wouldnt ever carry it out, but why on earth woul that even cross my mind? So confused scared and feel im going backwards :( anyone else get this?
It was only yesterday i was thinking how overall like proud i was of myself. I thought i finally had it, finally was beating it and even tho there was a few blips i was starting to realise that actually it's not as hard as i thought.
How is it possible to go from that, such a good attitude, to not wanting to face the day again?
I duno if im alone with this, dont think i am but i was reading something about "intrusive thoughts".. and yesterday has actually really worried me alot.
I started getting thoughts questioning myself, about if i lilke people of the same sex.. NO WAY DO I! NO WAY. that just isnt me, at all! I don't know where it came from, but then i started to think and think about it, i kept imagining myself randomly kissnig one of my friends or something.
The thought of it makes me feel physically sick. It just isnt me and deep down i know for sure i wouldnt ever carry it out, but why on earth woul that even cross my mind? So confused scared and feel im going backwards :( anyone else get this?