Having a bit of a setback..just want to get things off my chest

[ridiculouschatname1]

Hi guys. I've only done a few a threads before so im not too sure if i'm posting this in the right place or not. Sorry if i'm not. Basically been having a lousy couple of days and just wanted to vent on here, for myself more than anything. So don't worry, if it gets boring don't feel obliged to read on, lol. So, i've been agoraphobic for awhile now, but i bought a bike recently and i've been going out on that quite successfully. Only had it for about 2 weeks or so but I have'nt experienced any major panic attacks, and any anxiety feelings ive felt i have managed to deal with quite well. So it's all been going really good. But last night i took a bit of a funny turn that i cant seem to shake off or really understand why its happening. It was so strange, because it happened after i had been out riding my bike and enjoying myself for over 2 hours! which is really huge for me. I'd been out having alot of fun, even went into a 2 different shops, but when i came back home I felt this incredible surge of melancholy wash over me. More like a really bleak kind of depressive state maybe, i dunno. I thought i would feel ok this morning but it took me about an hour and a half to get out of bed cos i was feeling so down. I even went out again today to my sisters house for dinner, but that didnt even cheer me up, if anything i feel worse tonight. I dunno, i feel like i just want to burst out of here and keep on running and not come back! It's crazy, i dont really know what to make of it all. I'm thinking that it might be cos i was out for so long yesterday, feeling good about it and all that, that it made me get depressed about how many years of my life i've wasted with this god damn anxiety nonsense! Uff!
Well im just hoping it passes soon and that its a minor setback. Maybe my anxiety isn't happy that i've been doing so well and is trying to get me back down again. Well the hell with that, i'm determined to show it whos boss. I'm not gonna let it bring me down like this again.

If you made it all the way to end of this then, I applaud you, lol. And thank you for listening.
Paul.

[ladybird64]

I was just about to head off to bed when I saw your post Paul.

Speaking from one ex-agoraphobia to another soon-to-be ex-agoraphobic (:D)..re-read the last paragraph of your post and not the part about making it through to the end lol.

You have totally hit the nail on the head, that is exactly what is happening. The anxiety can't succeed my friend because you are wise to it, please don't let this awful feeling get the better of you.

And yes, I know exactly how awful it feels..promise.

The thing is it CAN bring you down again but you have the upper hand, you have the ability to treat it with the contempt it deserves and dismiss it.

Anxiety loves strong reactions but is lost when there is no reaction, no attention paid to it.

You are taking the power away from it..congratulations! :yahoo:

[sugarplums]

hey there Paul, i totally agree with ladybird64, what is happening is you are beginning to break the habit of fear -adrenelin-fear, your mind and body gets so used to responding to the anxiety and agoraphobia, setbacks are to be expected, ive had quite a few setbacks over time and it's just memory reminding you of old habits.
however, you seem really determined to not let this get you down anymore, the anxiety etc will challange you at times and you are challanging the anxiety which is great, just give yourself time for your mind and body to respond to the new challanging you
xx

[JaneC]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]I'm thinking that it might be cos i was out for so long yesterday, feeling good about it and all that, that it made me get depressed about how many years of my life i've wasted with this god damn anxiety nonsense! Uff!


Maybe you've hit the nail on the head there Paul. It's exactly what I was thinking before I was halfway through your post. Do try to ride this out (no pun intended :doh:. I'm sure many of us get setbacks here and there but it doesn't mean we're back to square one. The important thing is not to let it drag you down. Hope these feelings pass soon x

[ridiculouschatname1]

Hi guys, thanks so much for the replies. It's really great to have my thoughts about what the anxiety was trying to do to me re-affirmed, because I really thought when I wrote those statements down " Oh my god, anybody reading this is gonna think i'm mental ", but i genuinely felt that was what was happening, and I was determined not to let it push me down. So yeah, it is comforting to know that. Anyway, I feel so much better today. Even after I wrote how i was feeling down on here, I already started to feel a little better so, i'm really glad I found this site, its a total godsend, especially for people like me who dont really have much support in the real world. It's just a shame I don't have any money otherwise id contribute to help keep the site going, lol! Maybe in the future eh...
Once again, thanks so much for the replies, I really do appreciate it. Hope everyone is doing well, and I think its definately safe to say im part of the NMP crew now :D, haha.
Paul.