I feel as if I have a ' I Am Weird' sign hovering over me!

[Solace]

The dreaded party invites have started coming in! And already I am experiencing the feelings of panic tug at me. :ohmy:

Some friends of my hubby are hosting a fancy dress Halloween do, most of those attending are people I haven't met, the few I did meet was back at the start of our relationship I haven't seen them for some years, and as I found it difficult at that point in time to mingle with new people I kept putting off meeting up with them time and time again until so much time had passed, I have thought they must think I am weird or odd for never attending anything with my hubby and so avoid them all the more.

I find it quite difficult at times, to socialise with and make friends with new people, I feel as if those around me must see some kind of sign lit up like a neon warning of sorts- She's weird!- and as much as part of me knows this is really stupid, it really gets to me and brings me down.

I could kick myself at times, especially as when I feel OK, or as close to normal as I possibly can ( whatever that means? ) I am really sociable, chatty and get on so well with new people. I find myself enjoying their company and vice versa, so I can't understand how I get myself into these trains of thought? And get annoyed with myself as a result.

I am on day 6 of taking Citalopram-20mg- and hope that, in time, these will help me worry less and not have these awful feelings? I have found myself having panic attacks at the thought of going out and this has meant me refusing to and hiding under my duvet, curtains shut.

A typical day was fast becoming, me staying in bed, room in darkness watching Dvds back to back as I just didn't want to face anything or anyone. Falling in and out of sleep. I would have a bath and get straight back into my PJs.

I was even switching off my phone as I just didn't ( or couldn't ) talk to my friends etc...

Social situations are still a little scary for me, well very, if I am totally honest and I have already got myself out of going to the party mentioned. I think maybe as it's only early days for me on the Citalopram I need to be realistic and take things slowly.

I wonder how I will be feeling in time for next years invites??!:shrug:

[Groundhog]

If it’s any help I hate parties and social gatherings and I don’t have a social phobia – I simply just don’t like them. It always seems half the people don’t want to be there but are there under duress. For instance at a recent wedding I got dragged to with my wife, her and her mates were having a ball but then there were the respective partners standing around idly nursing a fruit juice and engaging in boring small talk. I have a sort of rule / agreement now with my wife I will go to weddings, christenings etc for an hour or so then leave and pick her up later if need be. Much the same with ‘Seasonal do’s’ at the school I work in, on the last day before xmas there is a staff party in the sixth form centre, I will go for an hour to have a bite to eat and collect my secret Santa then go. I always make my intentions quite clear so no one will be disappointed.
Perhaps it’s because I’m a miserable sod:D, either way it works for me

[trooper]

After a year and a half of therapy, I still find this really difficult. I'm single and live in a large city, this weekend I haven't left the flat. When you stop going out for some time after a while the invites stop. I have an ambivalence to it all, on the one hand I feel lonely and judge myself for not having a 'life' but on the other: I just genuinely find it difficult / don't enjoy it.

On top of that general feeling of awkwardness, not fitting in or being perceived as weird I have a fear of being attacked. I feel threatened and a sense of physical vulnerability.

The trouble with all of the above is we somehow project out into the world what we feel and think. And so to a degree people treat you or react to you as you think and feel.

One thing I noticed since my therapy is when I walk down the high street I screw my face up. I noticed myself in the window of a few shops frowning. Its a general sense of underlying discomfort. And the face is almost a warning for people to stay away. Most people don't like being frowned at. One friend said I look very judgmental and unfriendly. So in the past when people would give me funny stairs and I would take that as evidence that I was somehow wierd or dislike able, I now think, I'm probably glaring at them in an unfriendly way. When I feel myself doing it, I try to relax or smile, even though I don't want too.

So I can't really give any advice on how to overcome this because I'm still trying to work it out myself.

One thing I will say is. Most people find these functions difficult too, most people feel insecure at some level and are worried about fitting in, being loved etc we are all basically the same.

A couple of things I try to keep in mind, doesn't always work but I try. 1) everybody loves a smile, normally when you smile, people smile back, even if you have to force it. When people smile at you, you immediately feel more at ease. 2) Try to take yourself out of your own mind and internal thoughts. I find paying a lot of attention to other people helps. I try to get into a conversation with someone and ask them all about their favourite subject (them).