I need help/advice.

[montyforever]

Hi im new :blush:

Ive had anxitey for years now but its all come to a head now! Ill try my best to explain fully :)

It started when i was 11 (16 now) I had a panic attack while picking up my nan from the train station. But soon got through it and no problems for a while after that!
Then i started secondary school, was fine i was never bullied but i had a small group of friends that had very bad attendance so i was often on my own at lunch times/breaks and gradually this got worse until i had to drop out of school at 14 due to anxiety (not panic attacks) :unsure:

At that time i had just got a horse on loan and he made my life worth living again, he was my everything and the reason i got up everyday!
So for about 8 months life was fab, i was seeing my friends, spending time with my horse then i got the worst phone call of my life, my ponys owners wanted him back. After i heard the news it wasnt a panic attack, but i was in shock. I really thought whats the point anymore? But a friend managed to get me back on my feet again, and i bought another horse.

For a while i was ok, but then i started to stop doing other things, i wouldnt go out with my friends ect and the anxiety set in.

I then got another horse who has a tendancy to injure her self :huh:
So i was getting stressed out alot!

Things slowly got worse without me noticing, i was only going to the stables to see my horses and then after a while i was getting the same "feelings" at the stables, sick, dizzy, panicy ect.

So i stopped going to the stables, and then when i tried to go again i couldnt.

I havent been to see my horses in months, and it has now turned into agoraphobia, the furthest i can go is across the road to my nans and even thats a struggle!

Im in a hole now, and i cant see a way out. My horses are my life and without them i dont feel like a whole person without them ..

Help! :weep:

[Bill]

Hope this old thread of mine will help you.:shrug:

Erasing the memory of fear
I hope this might help in some way....

Supposing you live in a flat and every morning you leave to go to work. As usual, you get in the lift and think nothing of it until one day the lift gets stuck and you're left there for what seems like hours feeling trapped. You panic thinking all the "what ifs" that could happen while you sit there waiting.

Eventually though help arrives but you feel so shaken up that the next morning you just can't face getting into the lift so instead you take the stairs.

You arrive at the office to start your day and everything feels ok but later you're called to a meeting and you suddenly get this overwhelming feeling of being trapped in what feels a tiny room with a crowd of people. You begin to panic and make an excuse to pop out to calm down.

After work though you feel well enough again to do some shopping but as you go around the shop, again you start feeling trapped which starts you off sweating, having palpitations and feelings as if you can't breathe. Everyone appears "alien" and everything feels "unreal". You finish the shopping as quickly so you can to get home to relax.

From that day on, you feel so afraid that you just can't face the lift, the office or even to go shopping because of the panicky feelings you felt that day. Each of these places now represent "feelings of fear" and of being "trapped" with no escape. What's happened is that a new memory has been left imprinted in your mind causing you to link these places with feelings of fear and yet you've been in these situations many times before without experiencing any problems....until now.

A bad experience in the lift is now being replayed in every situation that your memory now relates with feelings of being trapped. In other words, one bad day has affected your whole life because now you feel too afraid to even leave your home. Every time you think about leaving your home, all you feel is panic before you've even stepped out the door because in your mind you know you're going to have to face places where you experienced panicky feelings which now in themselves make you feel too afraid too feel because you now fear something will happen to you.

However, even in your flat you still can't relax and you feel anxious all the time. This is because once again your mind connects your flat with the bad memory of the experience in the lift being in a confined space making you feel trapped.

You now feel faced with a choice....

Give up and stay home in which case you feel anxious, depressed and a failure because you just can't control your feelings of fear OR force yourself to face these places again BUT you KNOW before you go out that you ARE going to feel terrified as a result.

However, there is a third option....

"The wrong preparation creates the wrong result but the right preparation creates the right result"

If you go out expecting to feel fear, you WILL feel fear and you will almost certainly fail. However, if you can learn BEFORE you attempt to go out how to be and remain calm, to Not focus on your feelings and remind yourself of the thoughts you once had before that bad day when you left for work, then with willpower and determination and most importantly when you feel well enough to attempt it, it IS possible to then erase these memories of fear and replace them with new memories of feeling relaxed in these situations again so that you can get on with your life.

What I would say, is try not to give in to fear because if you do, fear will follow you wherever you go that you think represents safety because in effect anywhere you think is safe will actually become your trap so fear will reside with you wherever you go.

It does take time but to defeat fear, you must in your mind feel free to roam with no chains to confine you or you'll always feel trapped with memories of fear.:hugs:

[mandie]

Great post Bill, this really relates to me as well and i have found this very helpful

Thank you

love mandie x

[Bill]

I'm glad.:) Anxiety affects different people in different ways so I realise not everyone will relate with everything I say but it's nice to know when something I say does help someone...so thank you.:hugs: If I can help someone smile then it makes it all worth typing!:)

[paula lynne]

A really great post Bill, thanks so much for taking the time to write it x:yesyes:

[Bill]

Just glad it's of help Paula. Thank you.:hugs: