Cold sore fear with newborn

[Cthy]

I have a 12 day old and my 8 year old came down with a cold sore two days after the baby was born. I am of course in a total panic.

I've already been to the pediatrician twice. He said, keep the older child from kissing her until the sore is gone, practice good handwashing and don't worry. I have of course gone overboard and have banished everyone from my room (except husband) and am disinfecting like mad and so on. I wash my hands a million times a day and use antibacterial gel and wash everything in sight. I do realize the virus is not airborne and cannot be transmitted via inanimate objects but I am still nervous.

This is my fear: That my daughter somehow exposed the baby. I know intellectually this is unlikely but emotionally I can't get beyond it.

The doctor looked at her sore on Wednesday and said, it's already scabby and crusting, not really contagious. I had noticed the telltale patch on the previous Sunday, before the blisters appeared, and knew immediately what was happening so kept her away.

The only time my older daughter was around the baby was day after she was born, she held her briefly for a picture, before the red patch appeared. She has never kissed her at all or touched her since that brief minute.


I have been googling it and of course everything is conflicting and everything is scary. I always thought that genital herpes was only dangerous to babies but newborns exposed to cold sores can get sick too.

Do you think we're in the clear? And do you think since I am exclusively breast feeding she has some protection? Dr. says yes, some protection and incubation is 4-5 days, it's been 7 days since my daughter was contagious. But some websites say the incubation can be from 2-12 days. The sore is gone now as is the scab, it's just a pink area. I have not let her anywhere near the baby or me for the last ten days.

From what I understand the virus is dangerous during the neonatal period, so the first 28 days of life. I am counting down each day and meanwhile not enjoying my newborn as I am consumed with worry. My visitors comment on my weight loss, I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but they don't know it's because I am not eating very much though i force myself because I am nursing.

Thank you for wading through this long post. Has anyone had any experience with this?

[daybyday]

First thing, big Congratulation. Boy or girl.
Your pediatrician knows best, trust his judgment. As we say here on the site. STOP GOOGLING :-)
I am a mom of three, now young adults.

You cannot upset yourself by trying to disinfect the entire house by the minute.
Enjoy your family. I know you are frantic. You cannot try to stop every virus. You don't want your 8 year old to be concerned that she has done something to her younger sibling. Don't upset the household with your worry. Please don't take this as offense, because I have been where you are, and it caused much unneeded strain on my family when mine where little.

I had pink eye in both eyes, when my second daughter was about 2 weeks old.
Trying to keep my distance with a newborn that I was nursing was impossible. I began to panic. But I knew I could only do my best with what was common mom sense. I just washed my hands, it cleared up for me and she never got it.
I learned a lot by my third child. There are germs, viruses, bacterias. You cannot try to keep them away at all times from each other.

Again, try to relax. Keep your husband and 8 year old close to you and the new baby.

[joannap]

i did feel sorry for your daughter lol when i read this post - i was worried that she would be very affected by being excluded - i remember when my brother was born - i was very jealous and upset and felt my mum had been taken away. children can also develop anxious traits from observing their own parents anxieties hence the reason for my post deletion because i felt that i came accross as too harsh because i then thought - i am sure this lady has explained the situation to your daughter and how you can all bond/make it up to her when your worries are over.

once the scab comes off - it is the end of the contagious period. i may be wrong but i thought it was only a risk when the mother had a cold sore and was about to give birth? i hope you can relax and enjoy your family soon.

[Cthy]

I feel badly for my daughter too and for my 3 year old son, I feel I'm being alternately mean and neglectful because I am so focused on this fear. I don't want either of them around me because of germs and I haven't even hugged my precious boy in two weeks since the baby was born. He protested at first and now he seems resigned (to me not giving him affection), I feel so guilty.

I hate this endless cycle too. I don't know if others do this, but once I feel a danger period has passed, something else will pop up to scare me, either along the same lines or a completely different illness. For example, it's been almost two weeks since my baby was exposed (allegedly) to a cold sore and I feel almost we're in the clear and I managed some sleep last night and woke up feeling ok. Then the skin on my chin felt a bit taut and now I'm worried that I am getting a cold sore! I've been monitoring it since this morning, I can't see anything but of course I think it's the prodrome stage and next morning I'll have blisters. I even ordered surgical masks and latex gloves to be delivered, to be prepared.

Sometimes it seems like this health anxiety will never end...

[bronte]

hi cthy my sister has suffered from cold sores for many years and has 3 children and as never passed a cold sore on to any of her children and the only precaution she ever took was not to kiss them with the side of the mouth the cold sore was on. Her children no she gives these lop sided kiss when she has a poorly on her lip as they call it so please dont worry let your little girl join in this precious time and just dont let her touch round the babies mouth even though once scabby they are not contagious hope this helps xx

[tashbarnes87]

heya, have you ever had a coldsore? if so you immunity will pass on to you newborn. i got a coldsore a day after the birth of my son & i was kissing him loads i was so consumed with fear that i broke down in front of the mw who explained everything. Im sure you LO will be fine & take care of yourself you need energy & food for breastfeeding x

[cassy1989]

I don't want to sound mean but I do feel very sorry for your other children. I know how hard health anxiety is but please just listen to your doctor and let your other children in. Think how left out they must be feeling!

[joannap]

i do have to echo cassy1989 - i think perhaps you should talk to your midwife/health visitor if your anxiety is getting out of control - perhaps it is post natal depression? because the emotional neglect of your other children may affect them badly and it could trigger anxieties in them. i am not saying how you are feeling is your fault at all - i know how awful anxiety can be but you are responsible for your childrens happiness and seeking help xx

[cassy1989]

You worded it better then me Joannap. I don't know if you are getting any help with your anxiety Cthy? But when your children are starting to become affected you do really need to get help.
I have a 4 year old and really my anxietys and ocd was all over the place when he was born right through until he was about 2 and it can still be bad and I have had cbt and counselling and I am on medication and now having more counselling so I know its not easy but it can get better with the right help x

[Cthy]

First of all, I have indeed received help for my anxiety, on and off since it started around age 21 (am now 38). I normally take fluoxetine but stopped at 8 weeks pregnant and managed without until about my 7th month, when my HA kicked in again. I have an appt. with my primary care dr. on Nov. 8th to discuss my options-I'm not sure I want to take it while nursing so hopefully there are safer drugs out there.

Secondly, I have tried very hard not to let my kids know about my anxiety or be affected by it. My 11 year old daughter has an idea but teases me about it, she sees it as some "quirk" of mine. The 8 year old and 3 yr old have no idea but yes, I'm sure they don't like it when they see me frantic or distant so I try to maintain a calm exterior always. I do feel very guilty about this and they are the reason I get up each morning and try to make it through the day when I am having an episode. They are all cheerful, adventurous kids and I am happy about that. I distinctly remember being a very anxious child, even at 5 or 6 for many reasons, but mainly because my mother was and is an anxiety-ridden person and has recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder after years of misdiagnoses so one can imagine the kind of life I had growing up.


Thank you for your kind words of concern. I am truly trying to get better. I wish I could be "normal" and have normal reactions. When the pediatrician told us (regarding the cold sore), use common sense, wash hands, keep sister away, I looked at my husband and he said, ok, we'll do that, and that was that. I, of course, went ballistic and have been panicking since. It's an ongoing struggle but I will not give up.

[daybyday]

Cthy, lol your husband' reaction "ok we'll do that" sounds just like what my husband would say.
Do you have anyone that can take the children not in school for a time during the day. Of course the baby has to be with you. Sometimes having time alone to gather your thoughts, even cry can release the emotions and ready you for the next hours of family time.

[sws1210]

Hi Cthy, How are you making out these days? I too get extremely anxious about cold sores. I've been getting cold sores about every 3 months for the past two years, but I recently became pregnant and got a cold sore and it has made me crazy! I am so paranoid about transmitting the cold sore to my hands or elsewhere on the body. Even though I wash my hands a million times a day, I still feel like they are "contaminated" and I will pass the virus to other parts of my body or to surfaces in our house and my husband will pick it up. Instead of enjoying my pregnancy and staying calm and relaxed, I am consumed by thoughts of the virus popping up on other parts of my body. I am so worried that the anxiety will be even worse after I have my baby. Instead of enjoying my newborn and forming a bond with him/her, I'm afraid that I will just be paranoid about the baby getting a cold sore from me (as I am sure I will get one after the delivery). This is making me really depressed. I feel like prisoner in my own body. I feel like a leper to myself and others. Christmas is coming up and I'm not even looking forward to it. I just feel drained and exhausted from always worrying and feeling paranoid and having to be super careful all the time. I am so jealous of people who don't have to deal with this. I don't know what to do. :weep: