View Full Version : Convinced myself that I'm mad
My head has been full of anxiety for that many months I feel I've gone mad in a way I'm no longer the same person.
I just can't assure myself it's just anxiety and I can find I have anxiety for 24 hours non stop but in the past it was only a few hours. Like when I've not been anxious you think about normal stuff tv, work and so on. But like now I wake up feeling on the edge, grouchy, feeling like I'll go mad at any time. My head is full of thoughts like "I'm dying, going mad, life's strange, nothings normal, I'll never feel me again, I'm a failure, wish I had this, maybe I'll never feel happy feelings again".
I just fear that kind of anxiety thinking has turned me mad? I can't enjoy myself when I'm out as I assess my mood and sanity constant. The moment I start to feel more me I instantly drop back to worry mode. My head can be pounding like a headache due to this worrying.
I know people say you go mad and you wouldn't know it however I fear I've lost my sense of sanity but I'm some how just getting by, or I'm close to losing it totally? If that makes sense? What if I am close to going crazy? Just my head feels muffled sometimes, blank, strange due to all the anxiety? If I don't worry it's a moderate niggle like maybe I'm crazy..thinking about it more I feel wow out my head in worry.
How can I be sure I'm not crazy? :huh:
Hey Phil, everything you've said sounds horribly familiar. I don't think we're mad, I think we're exhausted, depressed, run down... perhaps we're unable to lift ourselves out of the negative cycle, because our inner resources are running so low? I know for me menopause plays a big part. I don't think you're mad Phil, maybe confused and afraid because of your symptoms? Do you get enough sleep I wonder? That can make things a thousand times worse : (
Hey Phil, everything you've said sounds horribly familiar. I don't think we're mad, I think we're exhausted, depressed, run down... perhaps we're unable to lift ourselves out of the negative cycle, because our inner resources are running so low? I know for me menopause plays a big part. I don't think you're mad Phil, maybe confused and afraid because of your symptoms? Do you get enough sleep I wonder? That can make things a thousand times worse : (
Sleep yes that is a slight issue..I've always had a pattern of late nights average between 1am to 3 even 4am as I sit online very long. I use to get the odd early night maybe 3 a week? Now I admit I rarely hit bed before 1am and if I do I can't get to sleep. Tbh I don't feel that tried I've had alot on my mind all year which I feel has been a cause. Last night I had alot of negative thoughts in my head so sat online longer. I sleep on until 12pm which worsens my depersonalization. I noticed a big difference getting up at 10am. I can't break the pattern though.
It worries me as I feel at times there's no diagnosis as it varies between depression, panic, ocd. Usually if I'm not anxious about something I am about something else.
I feel maybe not getting that sleep is why I feel as desperate and run down daily? I guess staying up late sometimes is ok but all the time I guess it's not good?
And I've took relaxation a bit far at times keeping a chill music radio channel on all night and so on. If I get bad thoughts that comes with a headache the volume on the tv goes down incase I go insane..little things like that. Or if I'm out run to a toilet and so on to be safe. Going mad has always been a fear for me.
But back to the root of the cause..I do feel pressured in life to get a g.f, better job but the last few months I've come to accept that it's not as easy as when you want it and people can find it hard like me. That's also made me feel a bit crappy about life in general, down, hopeless not helping my sleep. People say it may happen in the future however nobody can gurantee..like all anxiety I look for that.
My target is to feel happier/more relaxed about life..I had a date which made me feel really relaxed and good a few weeks back but never lead to a second..I fear I may be relaying on that...but things like shopping can feel good but I've been so anxious I've hardly been out to, or if I am it drains me all the worrying before hand. I feel really it's the same old insecurities and 5 years on it's the same. Fears like getting old..not sure I can ever get over that? Maybe the only way is to think about something else? At times there's so many racing thoughts my mind feels blank and I just feel I do stuff with so much worry on my mind..
A worn out nervous system needs rest .Relaxation and a healthy lifestyle .You have been entering that old negative road of thought again Phil .Acceptance and losing the fear is the key to being who you really are .You started to have periods of feeling ok last week .what happened ? You must try to accept this is just your anxieties making you feel like this .Believe me you are not going mad .You would not be thinking like this if you were .Everthing you feel right now is being made worse because of the fear it produces .Keep persevering with the relaxation and keep your mind focused on the present ,not on the what if s .Maybe the Dr could give you a few diazapam again ? they helped you last time .Id definately go and tell him how your feeling anyway .Take care hun Sue x:hugs:
A worn out nervous system needs rest .Relaxation and a healthy lifestyle .You have been entering that old negative road of thought again Phil .Acceptance and losing the fear is the key to being who you really are .You started to have periods of feeling ok last week .what happened ? You must try to accept this is just your anxieties making you feel like this .Believe me you are not going mad .You would not be thinking like this if you were .Everthing you feel right now is being made worse because of the fear it produces .Keep persevering with the relaxation and keep your mind focused on the present ,not on the what if s .Maybe the Dr could give you a few diazapam again ? they helped you last time .Id definately go and tell him how your feeling anyway .Take care hun Sue x:hugs:
I said to myself last week I stayed in soo long that if I never went out I would need help as I'd feel that low about missing so much. :ohmy:
I wish I could accept it was anxiety..lately my older posts have offered little help as I feel "maybe I'm suffering different now"..then I read a quote on another site about a cure for anxiety was keeping off boards all the time asking for help and somebody suggested social networking sites on one of my posts rather than worry as much. I've tried writing worries down with little help..i've stated putting relaxation music on in minor levels of anxiety which is not helping me either.
I just constantly worry right now if there was a way of stopping me thinking about anxiety 24/7. Distraction is fine but I feel I need to worry..even if I'm in a car anxious I can't. focus on my surrounds incase I go crazy. I feel I'm my own worst enemy at times and maybe I'm only as anxious as I'd like to feel..almost like turning a heater up? :blush:
Maybe try going to bed half an hour earlier every night. So it's more gradual... I've had a death phobia since a close relative died when I was very young, and when I asked my father where she'd gone, he said "to dust and darkness" :( As an already sensitive child I could never come to terms with this :( There will always be stuff that we find hard to accept, but unfortunately we have no choice in the matter! Anyway Phil, mad is only a word, a label : )
So is there any way I can be sure I'm not mad? :huh:
You would not be asking that if you were Phil . You would think you were normal .What is madness anyway ? sue x
You would not be asking that if you were Phil . You would think you were normal .What is madness anyway ? sue x
My head is pounding, and I've lay in bed worrying most of today. Had a chance to do overtime at work but said no.
I feel really weird and strange. I can't relax when all I can think about is going mad. :ohmy:
Hi phil, i really feel for you reading this. I too often fear that I am going mad, and it seems so bloody real. I had a real bad week of constant anxiety 24/7 as you are describing and i think it is understandable that you fear you are going mad when you are like this as you have no respite, no time to say " oh well, that was just anxiet/ panic etc". However, it sounds like you are doing what i did on that awful week. I KEPT saying to myself " god i really have gone mad", it was constantly going round, I was even telling my mum, other people that i flet i had completly lost the plot like never before. I kept thinking how different this time felt and how i was 100 percent sure i was falling into insantiy. I eventually sae a psychiatrist who assured me it was not psychosis/ schizophrenia and said he knew this as it is so common in anxiety and depression to feel you are going mad. So since thsi time, I had a choice; i could either keep telling myself Im going mad/ loosing touch with reality, or I could try and believe the alternetative " that this is just severe anxiety and it feels like i am going mad but am not". Since i have chosen not to keep telling myself that i am going mad/ loosing touch with reality things really have got a bit better. Don't get me wrong, I am still highly anxious and have days where I still truley believe I have gone "mad" and will end up in a psychaitric hospital, but now I try my hardest to see them for what they are.. just anxious thoughts. The more we tell ourselves we are going "mad" the more it increases out anxiety, produces more symptoms ( both physical and psychological, such as racing thoughts/ strange thoughts) which thus acts as furhter evidence we are going mad and the same vicious circle starts again. So maybe try for a few days, however hard it is and however much you don't believe it is "just" anxiety, try repeating, even as a mantra, this is just anxiety in response to any thoughts about going mad. It may just help you get out of the 24/7 anxiety cycle that is so terrifying as you really cannot see the wood for the trees. take care x ps- are you getting any professional help? x
Yaaaaay you are now an official member of the NMP mad club, the ones who think we are definately insane. I'm insane. BLLAABBBLLAAAAAAAAABB. But the thing is, don't let the old cliches of going mad/bonkers/losing it fool you because people don't just go mad like they dont just suddenly have anxiety. Have a look at my thread "Am I going insane..?" and some of the others on here. They are most enlightening.
If you were mad you would think you were normal, like suzy-sue says.
I have an awful headache at both ends of my head, these veins throbbing again is it tension?
I've literally worried all day..terrified I have a health issue or losing my mind. Just can't relax. :blush: I keep freaking out about my surrounds and life..depersonalization and panic.
There's not even any reason for me to be stressed.
phil what positive steps could you take to help yourself right now? have a read of the post i sent... could you look at changing your thought patterns, could you go out and do some exercise to get rid of the adrenalin despite how bad your feeling, could you try some form of distraction? x
I agree ems, sometimes getting out of the house and just walking is the only way I can calm myself down : )
phil what positive steps could you take to help yourself right now? have a read of the post i sent... could you look at changing your thought patterns, could you go out and do some exercise to get rid of the adrenalin despite how bad your feeling, could you try some form of distraction? x
Yep it was helpful thanks..bit that got my eye was having a choice of feeling your mad or accept it's server anxiety. Usually a trip to the doctors relieves me for a day or so and I'm back worrying. I'm anxious over nothing major but like I felt guilty today not going into work stuff like that drags me down. I'm going to take some paracetamol for the headache as I've had the symptom before.
I guess the only positive is since lunch time and now I'm here and not gone mad, but just worried I would.
Maybe I am trying to hard to fight the anxiety off? maybe if I let it lurk around it will slowly ease if I ignore it?
thats a really good point... you haven;t gone mad yet despite feeling like you are! I do feel for you Phil, I too am having a bad day today and really am doubting my sanity, damm anxiety hey. But if you aren't sleeping that will have a massive impact on your mood/ anxiety levels... are you having any cousnelling/ cbt? x
Update today: Still feel depersonalized...walking around in a cloud, feeling weird about life. I wish the feeling would go away the more I feel it the more I worry it's serious..I'm worried the time I've had it means I'm losing my mind..keep feeling I duno who I am or what I'm doing..Have to try and go to work even though I don't feel upto it.
:blush:
Well I managed the shift today. First 1 hour and a half was a struggle and was tempted to rush home for safety but managed to do the overtime. Got more next week not sure if it is good or bad.
I found today my main issue was worrying for nothing..all I could do was worry so I feel that's maybe a cause of my anxiety? The fact I worry, worry, worry. Almost blocks out normal thoughts. So I'm going to google more on acceptance of anxiety.
But it's hard to cope with how I feel as I wake up..feel weird, during the day I get uncomfortable bowel problems with IBS anxiety, sometimes sleeps a struggle and I feel fatigued. Rarely feel like "ahhhh relaxed, or even at some ease". Generally I feel nervy as the shift went on today I got on with the job a little more relaxed. I notice most of the fear anxiety is coming before I go out..and it's never as bad as I think...and when I constantly feel Ill my head says lots like "I'll need therapy, I need a doctor, I need every single test to make sure it's not serious (Health anxiety), I'll never feel me again, I won't be able to lead a normal life as I'll be worried constant. I have had good spells over the months but I can't find a root.
Basically I hit a point where I could not control my nerves, went on the Diazepam, now Propranolol which has helped a bit. Basically everything gets to me, how I feel from anxiety, being depressed when others can handle life better like lack of love live, age ect..I take it way to serious. But yes I can see where it's going..I have little tolerance and control over anxiety I just let it pound me and my head goes "omg I can't cope"..there's no defo fix. I don't know if medication, therapy, relaxation will help. I feel I require more sleep, or a normal bedtime, and I need to find some new hobbies I can do when anxious. I had anxiety bad before but a year ago it was OCD: same pattern sometimes it stopped me going out, felt I can't cope ect.. my anxiety goes through phases.
Most people say it's just anxiety but how I feel is quite uncomfortable. For months and months I've felt in a depersonalized, detached dream state. That can also mean serious illness..all that's worse in that time is my worry and not handling it really..I can't have the symptom forever as it's not nice because I don't feel in touch with life, that's stopped me being chilled..there's no medication for DP though and I don't want every test to make me more anxious. I mean all I can say is when I don't worry it lurks around as a feeling without being as disturbing..but it's STILL there..
So where do I go from here? IBS I suppose can come and go, be worse than other times..diet may help but depersonalization will it go completely? I can't get to the bottom of how I feel but behaviour wise I can't avoid work or going out due to anxiety..I don't 100% believe it is anxiety because I feel so intensified by it that somebody else saying they have felt it, I can't know that's how I feel as I'm not them..some symptoms I read from others I'm like..yes I have all that but you wonder if it makes them feel as bad for full days, half days, 2/3 hours?
I have been on here about 4 years and since May I've required more support than other times. For me..I need to cope a bit better, I can't keep feeling these symptoms..and I'd like to be less worried so I don't need to come and post every day.
Now I'm interested in writing stuff down but can't figure out the columns that will help I tried "worry and what happened" but no good..feel I need more like how many times, is the symptom helpful..need some firm ways with that..
If there's a will there's a way out of this right? :huh:
Hi Phil
What you wrote about how anxiety makes you feel 'uncomfortable' - I find that is exactly how it makes me feel. I can never relax for long without that feeling being there.
Dont worry about going mad, because if you were, then you would not realise it, and it would just happen without you realising.
I quite like people thinking I am a bit odd...it takes the pressure off trying not to be. Try relaxing and just being you as you are.
Well done anyway for still working with how you feel, even though it cannot be easy for you.
So is there a cure for me?
I have so much head pressure..and worry I have to sit in silence and not listen to chill music as I worry I'll go insane..even when I'm out I feel on another planet..
I mean I'm still going out but only because I have to force myself but I still feel detached, strange, thought I was losing my mind and nothing seems real? I don't believe it's normal to feel this way all day. :ohmy:
Phil explain your thoughts, feelings and emotions to me so I can see how we are alike.
I myself am a doubter I have anxiety as lately I've done nothing but think I'm going mad and will one day snap or think I already have snapped but i don't know it yet.
I feel like I'm not quite connected with life, like everyone around me is alen and it scares me which feeds the fear and strange thoughts more and more.
It's awful and hard to cope with but I do have good days but they require a lot of positive thinking and distraction and even that's hard. I just want to be same old happy go lucky me but I fear he's lost forever....
Phil explain your thoughts, feelings and emotions to me so I can see how we are alike.
I myself am a doubter I have anxiety as lately I've done nothing but think I'm going mad and will one day snap or think I already have snapped but i don't know it yet.
I feel like I'm not quite connected with life, like everyone around me is alen and it scares me which feeds the fear and strange thoughts more and more.
It's awful and hard to cope with but I do have good days but they require a lot of positive thinking and distraction and even that's hard. I just want to be same old happy go lucky me but I fear he's lost forever....
I made a post about my depersonalization again here: http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=83852
I feel all sorts to be honest chronic fatigue, going mad, depressed, weird, strange. I mentioned about sleep when I have DP my sleep is poor and I always wake up with worry. I notice it more in my head right now..all I can think about is worry this increases my adrenaline and I stand feeling I really really am crazy it's that powerful. Takes an hour before I return to a level I can say I'm ok.
My only good days are when I've stayed in too long I force myself to go out. Most of the time I worry.
My level of anxiety is low when I'm hit with depersonalization. It creeps up on me and makes me very anxious creating physical feelings..after a short spell without it when it's come back it feels ten times worse. I have realised much of my symptoms are general anxiety created by depersonalization now though.
I felt this again all day at work rather than a normal worry I actually felt I was mad. It's awful I feel so run down right now with this surely it's not all anxiety? Why is it doing this? I could barely get through my shift at work today..:ohmy: I get pressure on my head and I feel insane.
I feel I don't now who I am anymore and I'm worried I'll lose the control of my mind.. it feels so real which is stopping me relaxing.. I've suffered worrying about going mad before but these adrenaline rushes are so strong..I'm just worried. When my anxiety is getting this bad I'm only feeling safe indoors, dwelling on it..can headpresure come from worrying and why am I at a stage of worrying 24/7? I feel these attacks worst lasting one hour or more..and it carries on most of the day..I feel on another planet...
I can't believe how chronically worried I am and there's little cause. What is wrong with me? :weep:
Phil that's me to a T. I keep thinking people are like animals and life is so surreal like we are just a species living together and I can't get my head back into reality.
These thoughts then worry me and then I worry more about having more thoughts and then the physical symptoms creep up and I get a full blown anxiety attack.
I try to stop my irrational thought pattern but it's so hard. Like you I never feel totally relaxed as im always thinking about everything and anything.
I hate it and want it to stop.
Hey phil, been going through a similar thing myself for the past few months, it's really brutal.
phil i myself feellike im going totally insane and could just lash out at everything and anyone even myself sometimes which normally leads to a panic attack :bighug:xx
jothenurse
01-11-10, 22:16
What have you done for this? What has your doctor said? Are you on medication? CBT?
I woke up again this morning feeling unreal..to explain the feeling a little better before when I have been to a place I smell the air, look at the sights and experience but when I'm feeling this way I feel a passenger, I feel a stranger in my own body, I feel my mind is no longer me. Everything is very strange. I can feel this way for days on end with little light.
Luckily today I manged to get my mind off it by talking about something else..
But no wonder I feel I am mad when I have these symptoms..I feel I died from panic and I'm a ghost or an Alien has took over me as I feel so foreign. :ohmy: I get on as usual but the moment I get a slight feeling of strangeness, unfamiliarity I freak out and get these thoughts and my mind goes into limbo mode where all I can think about is these thoughts.
If it's depersonalization it's quite bad because I feel I'll never feel myself again..I've felt these feelings for months and don't understand it..makes me chronic fatigued and no sleep too..and makes my nerves worse.
I struggle to believe it's anxiety as at it's peak I feel I can't cope..because the strength of these fears is that bad, adrenaline mixed with worry..anybody else experienced this? :shrug:
Sound like me matey. What do you make of my last post? Sound familiar?
Sound like me matey. What do you make of my last post? Sound familiar?
Yes a bit as do many DP posts. Different for everyone..
how does it affect your behaviour? I sometimes feel quite down, lazy, in a trance, mind not thinking properly? I also feel sometimes during an attack I am going crazy? I avoid things and stay in too..
Like from worrying about it my mind is 100% focused on worry, I feel zapped out right now as from my post earlier I've just had a "worry" on my mind..that's made my top forehead very tense..also get funny blurry vision.
Totally can relate! I just never feel quite with it or real or anything.
I look at people as if they're animals or a different species or something. It's so odd. Other days I'll just go with the flow and think ok these are my thoughts, whatever, then other days I let it get to me
Totally can relate! I just never feel quite with it or real or anything.
I look at people as if they're animals or a different species or something. It's so odd. Other days I'll just go with the flow and think ok these are my thoughts, whatever, then other days I let it get to me
I'm never really ok with them these days..I dwell most of the day on them. Right now I feel I'm dying, have a tense forehead, I feel my body will just black out on me..:scared15:
I just don't believe this is anxiety.
Anybody know why I constantly feel weird all day? :lac:
No wonder I feel mad when I'm so out of touch with things.
Another issue is when this extreme worry of going mad hits me..I sit on the computer almost glued to the screen..hardly move out my seat and at work I feel frozen almost by this fear...is this normal?
Yep I had that aswell Phil, totally the same. I read some stuff online, drove myself completely insane in the head, took a diazepam and got in bed. Didn't feel great for a few days after.
Then I'll have a few ok days then back to bad ones then reasonable, then a good day.
It sucks.
Today is a bad day as I feel like what's the point in this mundane existence surrounded by strange people all living out their lives for what reason? It's so odd, I don't want to feel like this.
Well I've come on at almost am..been trying to sleep for an hour..
I actually can't stop worrying, excessively about going mad to the degree I .don't care if I go mad I'm just so scared I will..scared 24/7. I realise the physical symptoms are not important but coping with this worry..for two days I've had a tense forehead I suspect due to worrying all day.
Surely there's something to stop worrying? At this rate I'll go going to the doctors asking for alternative medication. My surroundings are so unreal..due to the adrenaline and I feel crazy. I try tho think about something else my brain switches to anxiety again as I feel a need to worry..
I have little I need to worry about but I do feel the need to worry about going mad..it's awful why do I feel this way? I feel little reassurance is helping right now..I just feel I'm crazy..my brains not processing...the more I worry the more it feels slow, not working right. Just seems to get worse..
I feel I'm beyond normal anxiety now. How can someone worry almost 24 hours a day? I feel in constant danger, fear, of going crazy, losing my mind, like a switch. No relaxation music is helping...I just keep worrying, worrying, worrying..I have nothing to worry about..but I feel chronically worried.
What's going on? :weep: It's so bad even a search of the forums not working as I'm too worried to read stuff...because I'm too zoomed in on this..I fear if I keep worrying..I will go mad. :scared15:
shaggyowen
04-11-10, 02:27
mate i do that all the time i feel im going crazy or mad and the more i think about it the worse it gets, a cupple weeks ago i just thought **** it and dint care about it and then it went but the past couple days its come bk due to thinking about it more the best thing to do is keep your mind ocupied =] hope this helps? blaze xbox watch a movie that you can get really into or watch cartoons =]
Just want to bring this up again..
I get this surge of anxiety where I can be clam and within seconds I instantly fear I'm crazy..and my mind blanks..I worry for like an hour before I say "I'm calm" and it goes...but I feel doing it I'm numb not in control and feel close to running to the toilet...but even that I still feel this surge..I have this awful phobia of a breakdown and that's why I now fear it happening anywhere.
Any stress even tiny, can trigger me to feel this way sometimes nothing. Unlike a year or two ago it's not a 10 min passing thing it's a real horrible hour or two sometimes 2/3 attacks in a day where my mind feels just crazy and It almost drags me down all day and I sit feeling I duno who I am anymore?
Can anybody relate to this? I feel it's quite hard for me to explain..maybe somebody can post something to cure these thoughts "Worry my mind will stop working/operating" "Fear I'll do something embarrassing?" "Worry I'll get locked up if I suddenly go mad"
Just to add i've had some days where I don't get this symptom..but I realise It's a 10/10 fear where as dying is a 9/10 which is still a massive fear for me.
Other symptoms:
*When I'm in meltdown scared I have to look twice at what I read as I almost glare out of it...feel like hiding under the covers and stuff..
*Misty eyes/slow mind.
*I have found when this fear is bad I excessively OCD more like I hand wash 20 times repetitively as "it has to feel right" not really a cleaning fear as such..habit almost.
*Feel very fixed focus, especially on the computer I find it hard to pull myself off it.
*Sometimes feel confused and I go to do a task and have a million thoughts on my mind..
*Unreal, fatigued, weird, disconnected from my mind, very numb emotions...
*Staying indoors due to feeling this way.
*Fear of losing all control of my mind function and basically being "in a trance" mad..is it possible to lose mind function?
Can anybody relate to these surges though? even if I'm not mad..It's really horrible feeling this way for an hour or two strong each day...because here I am sitting worried so I don't want to be worried.. :weep:
shaggyowen
12-12-10, 00:19
yo dude how can you be sure that being crazy is a bad thing? maybe we ALL r crazy and you just havent got there yet lol, maybe crazy is 'normal' i dont know any1 who is 'normal' because EVERY1 is mad and crazy lol to feel the dull ness that you feel, spaced out/not youself people take ecstasy to feel like that so maybe think your self lucky your on a free high? lmfao i know i dont see it like that either i think why the f**k would any1 want to feel like this lol just try chill and go with the flow and ride the waves man i know it hard but just try trust me. Peace out bud =]
Hi Phil, this is also one of my biggest fears ( the fear that I am developing psychosis). Had a CBT session today and she again told me very clearly that if I was psychotic I simply wouldn't know it... I would be convince I was sane. I'll give you an example, my eyes have felt so weird all weekend, I'm sure is linked to my derealisation. Anyway, all weekedn I have been trying to explain this feeling, this fear of having my eyes open, at times it even leads to intrusive thoughts that I am going blind! She was quie blunt with me today and said I either accept that it is anxiety and move forward, or keep convincing myself that I am going mad and get stuck in a vicious circle. So i know how hard it is, but perhaps even just for a few days try with all your will to believe it is all caused by anxiety, regardless of the irrational thoughts/ feelings you get. See how you get on xx
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