View Full Version : maybe i really am mental...i feel lower every day.
Hi all,
I just dont know what to do any more, im so low so depressed its unreal-- i just cant stand the feeling that i have, its so undescribable --but i will do my best to explain.
I think i must have some kind of mental problem really i do- ordinarly going to the shop i feel so wierd, sometimes i dont have to be in a panic mode/or depersonlized- i sometimes feel worse than that, like kinda swayey--- oh god this is hard to explain, but its like im not there at all- i will go and pay for my gas, and then nearly leave my gas card there behind- i will feel really strange when i am waiting to be served in the shop, i just dont feel all there, my words dont come out right, i forget things like so so much, i cant make the right descions, i get terribely confused and flustered-- maybe i have f***ing atzimers(spell check)
theres something not right-.
oh i still have eptopics they havnt gone, no worries there--- not quite as harsh as they used to be but still bad at times--- my breathing can be so slow and nasty at times---and i have all the ahces and pains and millions of symtoms, that i am all so confuesed about now.
But maybe i am having all these because i have a mental problem, maybe soon i wont be able to remember people .. and i will get lost when i go out---because i feel very confused when i do go out...
i am so numb i cant even cry anymore---im going to see a counsellor tomorrow-- and hopefully my doctor today, to see what he has to say about my medication-- in regards to what i should be on , because i need to be on something ... with the least side effects poss(yeah right) because the beta-blockers are taking the edge but im still in a bad way, gee how did it ever get this bad--ive had anxiety for years but never to this level... thats why i dont feel it is anxiety...some one has got to help me,,, coz like im helping myself and nothink is changing and im beginning to give up.... this is no quailty of life..
I get so so aggitated its unreal, if theres too many noises going on at once i cant handle it, i feel like my brain is scrabbled , i also sometimes cant handle listen to anything like my head is too full with information and its going to just going to crash, like a computer will if you have too many file on it and you dont delete soem and clean it up.
Im even finding it hard to sit here and type now...i am numb..
ive had it , really now i have...
ash x--- love to all xxx
Ashley,
Hang in there! You will get better trust me, does talking about how you feel make you fell any happier? If you ever need to chat, i'm on MSN if you use that or through email or PM.
Trust me though you will get better.
"UNLESS YOU HAVE BREATHED ANXIETY, TASTED ANXIETY AND LIVED WITH ANXIETY YOU DONT KNOW HOW IT FEELS..
NEVER JUDGE AN ANXIOUS PERSON BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW ONE DAY YOU MAY WAKE UP WITH IT YOURSELF..... (Stolen from someone else, can't remember who, but i'm sorry - i just liked it)"
Paddington
13-03-06, 13:37
dearest ash,i am sooo sorry you are having such a bad time,but i promise you that you are not alone with these feelings.i havent logged on since friday because i have been feeling the same ash ,honest!just lost and cant turn the noise off and feeling slightly mad!I have been doing so well too!goin out and drivin and stuff,but it as thou we just carry the fear with us isn't it so like some nasty critter it swallows us up.and it is soo horrible, i know.I think as long as it is in our minds it is with us.we need to let the whole thing go ,the self awarness the lot!but it is so hard isn't it ash?i feel empty today just vague and tearful same as you iguess!last nite was awful every time iwent to drop off to sleep i jumped frozen with the thought i was dying!you are right it really takes it out of you.Is any one else out there feeling this way and this bad??i am thinkin of you ash,i have replied to you manty times b4 but this is a side you wont have seen,so proves we cant be positive all the time.i am thinkinof you ash.keep postin and maybe we can pull each other out of this.love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore
Hi Ashley,
Right stop there, you are not insane or have mental 'problem' or anything like that cause an insane person thinks they are normal, but yes you do have a mental 'illness' it's called anxiety.
Everything that you have described I can relate to and so can everyone else on the forum I'm sure. To me you sound mega stressed. You really need to find a distraction for all of this, a good book, favourite film, hobbie, just something that even just for an hour a day you can relax and distract your attention away from you anxiety. Relaxation is so vital, and believe me I know how hard it is, especially when you have thoughts wizzing in and out of your head and stilted breathing with palpatations! but distraction is key, When these symptoms are happening get up and do something or even lay down and try your 7/11 breathing, I even find changing a course of thought helps ie what your making for dinner or list things in your head that need to be done the next day.
As for your forgetfullness, thats just cause your thoughts are soo pre-occupied sometimes subconciously and your not even aware. My goodness I'm 22 and walk into a room and think to myself 'why am I here again?!' lol.
Like I have said it sounds to me like you need to find something that helps you relax. There are soo many things to try, warm bath, lavender insence, yoga, reading a book, meditation ect.
You will one day find a way of controlling these feelings, I had my first PA a year ago and thought my world had come to an end! I still have bad days but feel I have a better understanding of what it takes for me to relax and I'm sure you will too.
Hope you feel better soon
Take Carexx
Claire
Robertc160882
13-03-06, 14:04
Ashley,
You should have maybe have picked up on other peoples post’s on NMP because a lot of the symptoms of anxiety and stress. I do feel in my opinion that you may be depressed as a result of all of this so it is good you are going to get help. I’m the same as you when I go out I get all flustered I forget stuff and I feel as if I’m not there it is very strange.
I have just told myself now that it is me I am real and no one else in the shop knows or can see what I’m feeling like. It is easier said than done I know but these are symptoms of anxiety although I can’t say what type of anxiety. Mine personally were a result of taking drugs when I was young so I put those feeling down to my brain been battered. I also find it hard sometimes to take in to much noise and with three kids I do take in a lot but it is all stressors and I will learn to deal with them again.
The counselling will teach and help you manage and cope with your stressors, it may also give you tools to deal with the anxiety. I used to have a support worker, which could have been described as a counsellor she was fab and really helped me. Keep the faith because you have come a long way and you will get through this (“promise”)
Robert
UNLESS YOU HAVE BREATHED ANXIETY, TASTED ANXIETY AND LIVED WITH ANXIETY YOU DONT KNOW HOW IT FEELS..
NEVER JUDGE AN ANXIOUS PERSON BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW ONE DAY YOU MAY WAKE UP WITH IT YOURSELF
that was my little quote, but hay greg, use it babe its true.
You are all so right i know in what you have said,but do you belive in the darker side of anxiety ... do you think thats what i am expericing... i have had this s**t for 15 F***ing years(sorry ) and im tired for gods sake i cant take it... im trying, and trying , and trying and nothink is changing this time...im worn out ..i am numb..
I dont want to think sonegitive, but the anxiety has gone all dark and wierd on me now.
I get these masif waves of wierd emotions, i find very hard to explain... its almost like i could just sit there and stare in to space ... with the world going on around me and i dont even notice a thing.
You see how naffed up i sound...oh im so sorry i shouldnt be bringing you guys down should i..
sorry
ash x
andrew england 2
13-03-06, 14:32
Hi ash
Sorry to hear how ur feeling - I have had the same sort of feelings myself just recently - just on saturday - My brain felt like scrambled eggs and I just couldnt fathom out why - for all thw world it feels like the worst thing imaginable and as tho the end of life has come - reading that others experience the same thing and they have passed thru it is a great comfort - perhaps there is no true solution and we have to dig deep and I know myself from experiencing what u have 1st hand when we feel like this the deeper we dig and the more we try the more hopeless it feels - but bear in mind we are not the 1st to stand here and we will not be the last - other have made it back and i hope i do too and i am sure if someone as weak as me can make it back then u can too.
best wishes
andrew
ash you fear there is something wrong. well there is hunny but not in the way you think. this is not some lurking mental thing in the way you think, it is our train of thought and our fear. it is derealisation, agitation fear dizzyness etc etc etc all brought on my months or years of negative thinking. you are not alone and we are all guilty of it ash. ask yourself this, if i was describing your symptoms as my own. in other wards if i was to tell you i was feeling not with it, forgetful, dizzy, swayey, breathless etc, would you tell me there was something seriously wrong with me and i need to see a gp right away. or would you say it was anxiety and fear and tiredness all rolled into one and more
try to be kinder to yourself kid, i know it is hard but we have to do this
we are with you all the way
jackie
sometimes i feel like that, like there must be something wrong with me.....
but i feel exactly the same like i'm just falling through life, spaced out etc etc...
have u ever asked yourself why u feel like that? sometimes our brains can give us answers in weird ways...
Sarah
Hi Ash
Sorry to hear your feeling so low.
Like the others say hun you are not going completely mad/insane honestly your not. I can be so forgetful at times.
You can get through this & you will hun.
As Jackie says be good to yourself.
Take good care
Alex
Many People Will Walk
In & Out Of Your Life
But Only True Friends
Will Leave Footprints
In Your Heart
Juliamidlands
13-03-06, 17:09
Hi Ash...
Try to think of this way- 'mad' people don't know that they are mad. If you had a mental illness, I doubt you would actually know about it...I know what you are going through feels totally awful but it will pass, believe me....
Have you read through the info on this site?? It might help reassure you
J x
'To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world'.
I hear you all, i really do- and thankyou for all your kind and helpful words... but its like nothink is going in this brain of mine.
I have so many wierd things going on inside me, i even have weird sensations when i move, like an impairment in my movement.
Today i went to get my son and this must of been the wierdest feeling i have ever ever had i tell you... i was waiting for him and i felt a bit shaky and smelt this funny smell, it was a wierd kinda sensation(bear with me .. it does all sound nuts) and then i started to feel shaky and a jelly feeling in my knees, my left side of my face went numb and i could hardley speak... man it was the nastyest ,wierdest , feeling i have ever ever had, i thought i was going to collaspe i thought well this it it, everyone will actually know what was wrong with me now, i could harldy talk seriously,,, this wasnt like i have ever had in 15 years of anxiety
maybe i do really have something and its epilepsy--- thing is i know you will all be thinking its anxiety... but friends i dont think it is... its far too weird...tis went on for around 50 mins at the most ,my pulse race wasnt mega mega fast , i was oviuosly panicky because of the way i was feeling., but not like before --- i was so slow and slurry..
oh i cant stand this...any longer ... you guys try so hard for me... maybe you should all give up on me...and thats not me feeling sorry for myself... i just dont think i do belong here anymore, because its not anxiety i have ..its an illness ...properley epilespy..
love ya all
ash x
Hi Ash
Sorry to hear you not had a good day..... I promise you the symptoms are due to anxiety, I know coz you told me the same yesteraday! these feelings are awful but you have your counseller tomorrow and can start to moving forward again!
You are defo not going mad! I had a smiliar thing today, when was out meeting jake from school I was convienced that my legs were going to give way on me and had to keep pinching them to make sure they were ok, obviously they were or Id of been a heap on the floor!!! Its all down to the thoughts we are having
I have googled going mad / loosing mind etc so many times and promise you as Julia said if this were true we wouldnt know it,
You give so much strong advice and this shows you can beat this xxx
i do love you all i really do,i can see you care xx
ash x
Hi ashley,
If these symptoms are worrying you or you have any concerns then why not make an appointment with your gp. I'm not by any means saying that there is something wrong with you, not at all but sometimes a little reasurance goes a long way. I had gone nearly 6months with no panic attacks and then the week leading up to newyear was hell my symptoms were all over the place! I put up with it for a couple of days untill one night I thought there is something not right, it's never been this bad! I went to see the 24hr doctor and he did a thorough examination of me and even tho when I left the surgery I still had the symptoms I wasn't quite so bad cause I new that medically I was ok. So maybe a trip to the gp might help.
I do hope you feel better soon.
Take Carexx
Claire
Im due to see my doc tomorrow regarding medication, but what the point--ive had ecg's, blood tests for various things and blood pressure , but the only things that came back was a little high clestrol and slight high blood pressure, thats all---of course is pleasing ... but my condtion has worsened fromt that point... i ve eptopic beats and heaps of them... and yes i do have a 1001 symtoms right now..... but i want to know what the hell was that i expericed today..coz that wasnt like the normal panic attack i have ever experinced.... god if anyone has experined exactley that tell me... coz im telling you... it was more than not alright.... when i was lokking for my sons shoes after football in the class room, his teacher was talkin and i could of just sat on the floor and sat nothink,,, i felt so so ill... it was awful really bad...
ash
Hi again Ashley,
I totally agree with nigel - how very wise you are :). Spesh the bit about the food. When I saw my councellor for the first time she asked what I ate and to be honest with you it was things like, crisps, curry sauce and chips, pizza ect. not much veg in my diet and no fruit! I have now changed that, I have veg with all my main meals and fruit and yogurts (good for the tummy) and whole grain cereals in the morning. I really do feel the difference, I have more energy for a start. These are things that you can talk with your doctor tho.
Hope you find some reasurrance today
Take Carexx
Claire
Hello all my friends xx
Went to the docs today and described what happened of which he has noted, i expained the whole thing like i have with you guys... he said to me... are you still getting the eptopics i said yes..why is he asking me this,maybe he thinks the beta-blockers would of got rid of this...i dont know his thinking... blood pressure was 148/64 is that good or bad...my sister says its not bad just slight low ...not bad though
He has given me citalopram...(could anymore advise me a little on these please-- he wants me to start taking these and go backin 3 weeks ...of course in the meanwhile i hopefully should get my appointment for the hospital... well i bloddy hope ..i cant take anymore,,,i even taped a message on my phone for my kids so if anything should happen.
I cant stand one slight slight noise atall, noises aggitate me badley if the tinyest, is anyone else like this.
Some of my friends seem concerened that it maye be epliepsy( and if its this on the side effects on the tabletsit says that makes it worse) what i experinced yesterday...im so confused and scared,,, ive started p
praying again... i need to be close to god, feel bad ---coz i only shout up to the big guy in the sky when im ill...how wrong is that.
im so scared ... still
ashley xxxx
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