first thought i had anxiety,i now know its depression.

[oxenbee]

Ok after researching anxiety attacks i went back to gp,and told him that i am depressed,as i cry on average 4/7 per day,feeling anxious and tense for so much of the day and have a constant feeling of sadness and guilt,due to losing my only child in dec 07.
just wish i was`nt part of this world anymore.although i might add that i`d never hurt myself as it would kill my poor old mum and dad as losing their only grandson has left us all in bits.
thing is i changed gp`s about 4 months ago who i adored,maybe a bit too much:blush:,hence changing practices as my mind could not cope with it.and now this new gp i feel does not believe my symtoms where as the old gp understood fully what i`d been through as knew my son and what he had been through,i now just feel that this new gp is not really helping ,or am i judging him to quickly,he has now told me to go home and look on patient.co.uk,and look up depression/anxiety,and tell him in a weeks time what i want in the way of treatment,i know for sure that meds are not the answer for me personally ,i don`t like even drinking booze.
i think i need brain retraining,is there such thing.??

[Idstain]

Hi oxenbee,

i am sorry to hear you feel this way :( .

I guess i don't have too much practical advice for you as such but i was really struck by your last sentence "i think i need brain retraining,is there such thing.??"

In the past decade there has been extensive research between neuroscience and Buddhism on the effects of meditation on the brain. Here's a thread i made about it when i was ill a while back

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=68784&highlight=meditation

Essentially the research has shown that the human brain is incredibly plastic and capable of long term change. Even the most depressed person is capable of great happiness give time and perseverance!

I think 2 books that could really help are these 2

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindful-Way-Through-Depression-Unhappiness/dp/1593851286

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Buddhas-Brain-Practical-Neuroscience-Happiness/dp/1572246952/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1288359792&sr=1-1

I should say that i am not a medical professional and please don't take my word as gospel, I am sure your Dr. knows alot more than i do and you should always side with him first!

I just wanted to show you that there's always hope and there's no reason at all why you shouldn't be able to attain happiness.

good luck :)

[joannap]

hi oxenbe

i should imagine that anyone who has gone through what you have would feel this way - i have an elderly friend whose grandson died 7 years ago and his mum still finds it extremely difficult to function. i have read that it takes at least 2 years to even start to come to terms with such a loss and so rather than take medication my response would be perhaps accept that you will feel this way for some time to come and to focus on what you can do/enjoy - even if it is just little "treats" every day etc and to perhaps ask to see a counsellor regarding grief counselling?

[oxenbee]

Thankyou all for the advice,i can`t seam to accept he has gone, we were so close,because their is just me and him and everything happened so quickly on that day,i know it seams odd but i still expect him to come bounding in as he always did.
i did have some grief councilling i found her terribly patronising and to be honest a bit thick,i got more of a response out of my dog.but i did the 6 sessions and got not a thing out of it,i told the gp and he said basically because i was not self harming or doing drink/drugs there wasnt anything he could do,i felt so let down and still do,i have always been happy,loads of energy,never in my life had sleep issues,its like ive flipped a coin and i don`t like it.
but i am going back to the gp and hopefully i can ask for CBT,i have looked it up and i know that talking theapy can really help,i will aslo talk to my dad coz he has loads of books on buddhism,not that he is one but says its a good way of life to lead.
i will try and meditate i used to do it years ago,when my son was first diagnosed,it really helped me and him to focus on calm energy,he used meditation loads and this was at the age of 7yrs,i used to be able to concentrate then,but now i cannot seam to switch off.
but i am determind to get better and get my life back.thankyou all again.
sam:bighug1:

[ljd]

Hi,
if you dont like the new GP try and find another one, but amybe it early days and they dont know you. I hate going to the GP's and have to be seriously ill before i got which is a shame but i get scared. i am also like you where i dont like medication and again avoid, i take supplements and herbal remidies instead. wll tc

[Nigel]

Hi Sam,

It was so sad to read about your little boy.
I’m sorry :hugs:

Anxiety... depression... does it really matter what label you put on it? It still hurts. Three years may seem like a long time, but when a person was such a big part of somebody’s life, it can take a long time for the heart to heal. You mentioned December, so I can imagine how this time of year must be especially difficult. Perhaps you could allow yourself to feel sad, simply because you care.

I lost a very dear friend earlier this year. I try to think of her smiling down and being free from her suffering, and I try to think how she would like to see me coping with it. Perhaps you could think similarly about your little boy. It’s not easy, I know, and I still have lots of sad times, and lots of little things remind me that she isn’t here anymore. But I know she wouldn’t want me to be miserable because of her.

It’s admirable that you want to beat this without meds etc. I think this is a good site about depression (http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/depression-learning-path/) and you might find it helpful.

Take care :)
Nigel

[joannap]

hi oxenbee - perhaps try a different counsellor? - i had to smile lol what you said about the dog being more help! Sometimes just allowing ourselves to be sad/anxious without worrying about it helps - to give ourselves permission to do so xx