Obsessed with somebody and it is ruining my life - please help

[GirlAfraid23]

I've posted about this in the OCD forum but I wasn't getting many replies and I really need some help in this situation. Basically, I am completley and utterly obsessed with a person that I haven't seen in about a year.

I do suffer from OCD.

I have a wonderful boyfriend who adores me but I am completley and utterly obsessed with this other person. I think I might be in love with them. I think about them day in and day out. Everyday, I check their facebook and twitter. I try to make conversation with them on a regular basis - via email and facebook etc. Whenever they reply, I get butterflies in my stomach and I cant help but want to reply. I want to see him so badly and I miss him so much it physcially hurts me.

Abit of background information:

We met through my ex boyfriend (his best friend) and due to our similarities and tastes we became really good friends and regarded each other as best friends. We helped each other through very difficult situations in our lives and I was suffering from awful anxiety/depression at the time and he basically saved my life. If it hadn't been for him being there, I wouldnt have had anyone else to turn to and would probably have done damage to myself or worse.
We ended up kissing a couple of times and he even stayed over and we shared a bed. He loved somebody else at the time though and even though he liked me, he loved her more. This broke my heart and I ended up with my current boyfriend, who I have been with for nearly 18 months now. After I began my relationship with him, me and the other person saw each other a few times, we went to a gig, we went to parties that our mutual friend's had hosted and ended up talking like normal. One night he even tried to kiss me again but I didnt want to cheat on my boyfriend.

Now, I barely speak to him, I haven't seen him in almost a year, yet I can't get him out of my mind and haven't been able to for the last year or so.
I am dreaming about him, thinking about him during the day and whenever I see someone that looks remotely like him, it brightens up my day for the rest of the day.
Is this normal?
Am I in love with him or is it an obsession?

I have written him long love letters explaining how I feel but I will never send them because I'm too scared of what he will say. I want nothing more than to send them, but I think the not-knowing is keeping me going, like there is a chance. I just want to meet up with him in secret and tell him how I feel. Will this ever work? Should I send the letters?

I also feel awful because my boyfriend knows nothing about this, please help me!

[Vixxy]

Hmm well this is a hard one. I think the fact you had an unresolved relationship with him for so long where he kept you dangling is the problem here. You never got closure, or even a start! I would guess that you are pinning all of your hopes and dreams onto this man and a relationship with him. But are they based in reality? I think you need to sit down and work out what you feel about him and a relationship with him. Are you imagining that your life will be better? and you'll be cured? Is it all fluffy clouds and bunnies? Or is it based in reality? Are you thinking about how this will impact on your current life and maybe the hard changes it will throw onto you?
The fact that you barely speak to him would suggest to me that he has moved on with his life. And maybe you should to.
On the flip side. Yes you could be in love with him and you could be pinning away for a lost love. That doesn't mean it's a relationship you should go all out for though.
Take the time to think about what I've said and see if it's all in your heart or head.
I hope my post doesn't upset you. :)

[Anxious_gal]

thinking about him makes you happy..... which can be addictive.......
it's like the fantasy of having a relationship with this guy is something you look forward too.
maybe your slightly depressed or not getting enough enjoyment from your own life.

maybe ask this guy straight out? that way you will have your answer and maybe you can move on?

[olderfella]

With the greatest of respect you shared a bed once whilst he was someone else,s partner,he,s a cheat he doesnt care about you he said he liked you but loved someone else he told you what you wanted to hear in order to share a bed im sorry but cant you see what he,s like.He is like a lot of young men and women they lie and weasel their way into your mind to get there way then its bye bye.You currently have a boyfreind if you dont care for him and your using him till something better turns up then at least have the decency to let him go why string him along if you have such feelings for someone else?you want to be careful as you may find yourself with egg on your face alone and regretting every lustfull thought.
I hope i havent upset you as that is not my intention at all you asked a straight question to which i have given you my straight answer,remember the grass often looks greener on the other side but when you get their you often find the fields been ploughed over,im talking from experience i wish you luck what ever you decide to do.:shades:

[Natalie x]

I'm sorry your having a bad time. I think what you need to do is have a serious think about how you feel about this boy. I think the above comment has some sense to it and if you reali are in love with this boy, you shouldn't string your current boyfriend along. Perhaps telling this boy how you feel and see how he feels. We all get little silly crushes for people but its not fair on your boyfriend. You also dont wanna ruin the friendship you have with this boy. Good luck x