Help

[mandiemae]

me again>....... just typed loads and posted it, lost it all and im sitting here in tears!!!

What a mess i am.

the jist of it was, im in a weird place right now. i have recently come to the conclussion that im not going completely mad. Anxiety is getting the better of me. I have had intimacy issues all my life and it is getting worse again. My partner is annoyed with me after trying to talk to him last night about how im feeling and i sence a "here we go again" from him. He has a very high sex drive and i have next to none, nearly never. I conform to give myself the illusion that im normal and afterwords feel worse. I cant seem to relax and my head races. I love him dearly but because i dont jump his bones he thinks i dont love him. I feel abnormal and am probably my own worst enemy. Sex is a real relationship issue for him and knowing this it sends me into a panic. I end up feeling clostrophobic and want to curl up into a ball and dissapear.

i have got myself into the habbit of giving the illusion that all is ok when im in peices inside. With 2 children too their needs are more important and i tend to ignore my symtoms and feelings till it hits a high. I have a very negative view on the world and what goes on, how people treat others, and i shut myself off as much as i can. i have one close friend that i dont see as often as i should and thats it really, my mum died 5 years ago and feel i have no one to talk to and no one who wants to hear my negativity. i feel No one truly understands me and who i am. I grew up being constantly told to stop being stupid and get on with it. I dont know any other way. I find it very hard to articulate how i feel most of the time, even to myself. I tried to talk to my other half last night and when he asked me whats wrong, my mind went blank. I think he is annoyed with me now.

im not on any medication at the moment. i have been on ciprimil (or equivelant) on and off for 7 years but i feel week relying on them and feel they only mask the problem temporarily. Considering the doc just gave me tablets and said they will help and sent me on my way, on a number of occasions. My partner is not keen on the medication either. I cant articulate to the doctor either as i feel im being stupid. Not that im suicidal or anything, i would never have the guts for that, but i do think a lot of the time that if i just slipped away and dissapeared, no one would notice and my family would be better off without me. Then i tell myself im being stupid, that im just struggling to find the fight in me to be normal.

I really want to give CBT a try after reading threads here. I am waiting for a referal from the doctor but i dont know how long it will take. But there is also a sence of panic as i will only end up feeling stupid again in front of more people i dont know. I have tried to convince myself to start going to the gym and do something possitive but i have money concerns just now as i quit my job after a panic attack (my first major panic attack and it scared the hell out of me) and not getting any support there, again it was the age old pull yourself together and stop being stupid attitude. I just struggled on to a point i couldnt force myself to be there and the people i worked with now think im a bad person and i let them all down.

Only since finding this web site have i been finally been able to analise my feelings and physical effects. But i dont know if this is now making me worse. Putting too much thought into things. I have been feeling the anxiety getting worse over the last couple of weeks and the intamacy side of things getting worse too.

Another point to mention is that at the end of august i found myself in a situation where i ended up batterd bruised and with broken ribs. My sons friend, 12, who was with us was attacked by 3 youths unprovoked, i tried to intervene to stop him ending up in hospital and you can guess what happened (i ended up in hospital). The main culprit was recently jailed for 5 months. i was off work for 6 weeks af

[wendy]

Hi
Its awful when you type and it disappears isnt it! I did it yesteraday when I was having an awful day!

Have you tried a counseller at the doctors whilst you are wating for your CBT Appointment,

Have you let your partner have a look on the site so he can understand what you are going through, I know how you feel, with the symptoms sex is it last priority! I often feel that my family feel im attention seeking and is awful when you feel people dont understand! You will always have some to talk to on this site, it so good to have people who understand x

[Piglet]

H Mandiemae,

It's difficult the old sex thing, as men often need this as a measure of how successful a relationship is, or how loved they are. It's the whole Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars thing isn't it.

Often if women don't feel happy in themselves then they just don't feel like 'it'!! Throw in some kids and a busy life and somewhere the sexy miss they once knew all but disapears. It will come back hun once you have addressed a few other issues in your life.

You were very very brave to step in like you did and I am so sorry you were hurt in the process. That has got to have been hell of an ordeal and maybe you are not quite over it yet???

Regarding the CBT which is a very good idea by the way - if the waiting list is long have you thought about the telephone recovery course that is run by NoPanic (not part of this site but a very good charity one that lots on here belong to) . I myself am due to start it very soon!!!!

Love Piglet x



"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[mandiemae]

hi wendy & piglet, thanks for your reply guys. i have to say piglet i havent heard of the telephone recovery course . i am going to have a look now to find out more. im very interested.

whats for you wont go by you

[Dusty]

Hi there

First can I say, I think you are very brave. My sex drive is something I keep to myself on the whole and I am impressed you can be so open about. My husband and I have differend libidos but I am learning to give and take - I have learnt to say No and I have also tried to keep him happy too. It is a balancing act and a very hard one at that. I do occasionally envy those girls who seem to have the same drive as their partners. I hope they realise how lucky they are.

CBT is great, but in the mean time have you looked at the "First Steps" page on the main "no more panic" page? It has some very good advice.

And finally, we are very friendly crowd here. You are not alone. We are here to talk to and you can make new friends. The Chat Room is a good place to visit if you want to talk.

Dusty xx

PMT - Proof that God must be a man.


PS My 2 kids are sometimes the only thing that keeps me going. Knowing they need you is a great incentive not to give up. Even when they're driving you up the wall for the umpteenth time today!!:)

[mandiemae]

Piglet, i cant find anything on telephone recovery course. Can i bug you for a link or direct me where i need to go please?

Thanks

Amanda XXX

whats for you wont go by you

[Keitharcher]

Hi Mandiemae

As a fella can I hopefully shed a bit of light on the sex thing, Yes males are more into the wham bam thank you mam type of sex which often leaves a woman guessing, to quote an adage "when women are coming men have gone". I can say these things because i was taught how to be sucessfully sexually with women a long time ago and the lessons i have learned do make me a considerate lover. There is the crux of the matter, consideration, most men dont know how to be, to use another adage "when the balls get full the brain gets empty". Also men are rarely concerned with the partners feelings, which is a shame because they misss out on some very intersting and full fulling sex. Its not your sex drive thats low its the way you and your partner do it. try to take charge, make him please you I can assure you that if you work out what you both want then you will have some very interesting sessions that will pull you closer together. Im not saying that you sit in front of the fire naked warming his supper up, just make sure that he realises you have needs to and make sure the kids are out or asleep. I realise that now im rambling on, its just that im very grateful to a woman who taught me how to please women and myself to great advantage.

Keith

[Piglet]

Have pm'd you Mandiemae.

Piglet

[Piglet]

Have pm'd you Mandiemae.

Piglet

[Alexandra]

Hi Mandiemae

Hope you are feeling abit better now.

Thinking of you.

Take Care

Alex

Many People Will Walk
In & Out Of Your Life
But Only True Friends
Will Leave Footprints
In Your Heart

[sal]

Here for you hun and know how hard it is when you put it all down and it disappears. We will help you all we can.


Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".