control

[lajjj]

far to much time thinking again! prob not doin any good i know... but i have came to the conclusion that its all about control or lack of it!

how do we even start to accept that there are things in life that we have no control over i think this is at the heart of my anxiety, i dont mean things like which job we do or our diets or exercise routines...i mean things which we seriously have no control over... like death and ilness etc

anxiety/depression are illness's which we have no control over unless we accept them... but because i always feel the need to 'stay in control' i cant accept!

i want to accept it ! but how can you accept somthing which makes you feel so bad with out fighting to survive!:wacko:

im prob not making much sense i know! but u had to be there in my head haha xx

[joannap]

i know how you feel - unfortunately it is the fact that we like to be in control that makes us anxious people! i too think a fear of death etc is at the heart of my anxiety but more and more (especially with the loss of 3 dogs in the family in the last 2 months - 2 tragically and one of old age) i am starting to realise that it is better to focus on what we can change/do have control over such as our own way of feeling/responding then it is worrying about what we cannot change.

it is very difficult going against our flight/fight instinct because it is a primeval response but there are no more dinasours to run away from lol and so using this reponse against things we cannot control/illness etc is an over reaction - its only appropriate for getting yourself out of immediate danger such as being run over lol!

i have found personally that all the things i have worried about have never happened anyway - it has always been unexpected things that i have had to deal with and so i am really learning to just live each day in the moment and focus on things that make me happy rather than worrying about what may/may not happen x

[Nigel]

Hi lajjj,

I think it makes a lot of sense. Anxiety only happens when we start to worry about things we cannot immediately control. Often that’s things in the future, because obviously a person cannot control those until the time arrives.

I read this definition of anxiety the other day:
Anxiety is the endless search for certainty that you cannot find.
Another thing to bear in mind is to take full control of all the things you can control, while learning to let go of all the things you cannot.

Take care :)
Nigel

[lajjj]

thanks joannap and nigel.. i am glad u both understand what i meant i am really sorry to hear about your dogs joannap its always awful to lose a pet they become part of the family. i think its the whole tryin to predict what is going to happen and the waiting for the thing to happen that is the problem if only we could concentrate on the present xx

Anxiety is the endless search for certainty that you cannot find.
i think this statement define's anxiety for me!

[ems43]

yep, definetly agree. My therapist told me the core of generalised anxiety disorder is "intolerance of uncertainty" therefore we try to answer all the what if?? fears in a way to gain certainty when we just can't. x